A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently split up with my bf, I had only been with him for 3 months, and the last of which doesnt really count as I was ignored completely. However, the previous month, I was seeing him whilst he was still with his girlfriend. I thought that we were perfect for each other, but obviously not. He was cheating on me with his old gf. It broke my heart, I cried, and still do, for days, I constantly dream about him, and although there are people who want to take me out, including my best friend who I recently found out was in love with me, I can't bring myself to even think of going out with someone else. I have been out with friends and had the odd kiss with lads at clubs but each time I just imagine his face, he was the first bf I ever had, and even though he lied to me, and cheated on me, and treated me like rubbish, I cant get the first month out of my head, and I think i might be still in love with him, and I don't know what to do or why since all he ever did was break my heart.
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (26 June 2009):
 ok ... this stuff hurts, and it doesn't matter if you're 20, or 40, or however old. it doesn't matter if he's your first or your thirty-first. it doesn't matter that it was 'only' a couple of months. the thing is that YOU opened your heart to him and took him in, and HE has just walked off and left you there on your own, where once there was the two of you.
it has happened to me twice. once i was 18, and it nearly finished me off. it certainly ruined my whole time at university (yes, no exaggeration) and meant i got a much lower degree than i should have (and than i would have had i been in a happy relationship) - i have no doubt about that. i'm giving this example so that you know i understand, and also so you know i know how extreme the feelings are, and how hard it is. this is something real, and possibly the most painful thing that has happened to you emotionally so far (and probably one of the most painful things that will ever happen).
the second time ... well, it is still happening to me. only this time we have a baby. which makes it a helluva lot more complicated, and more painful.. although at least there is the comfort of our child.
the reason i know it's the same is because recently i had the same strange picture in my head that i had when it happened when i was 18. i saw myself standing on a circle, like a little bandstand, which was once the place where the two of us were, embracing, as the stand turned gently round and music played that only we could here. but then i saw myself standing there alone, bereft, suddenly embarrassed, with nobody there with me, the stand still turning, the music fading, and a terrible sense of having been abandoned.
that's my experience. and how do you get over it? you distract yourself, and you get through each day and finally someone else will tempt you at least to smile, and then they will start getting through to you, and you will start recovering. you won't forget, but it won't hurt. the only true cure though is to find someone else to get back on that pedestal with you, and you can only do that when you stop crying and look outwards and make yourself available for all the wonderful chances and people that are out there, and that you will find, and who will find you.
it'll be ok. just cry through it and watch tv and hug your teddy and ... it will wear off, i promise.
nx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2009): He was cheating on you or her? If you knew he was in relationship with her and you still went out with him, then you were asking for trouble by being with the type of guy who will cheat on his girlfriend.
Just hold your head up high and move on. It was a very short relationship and you will have many more: happy and miserable.
So all you can really do is learn from this one and be more careful of who you get emotionally involved with again.
It's good you're going out and trying to have a good time with other people. I wouldn't get with other guys until you are ready for another relationship however. So the random kisses or whatever you may want to stop doing. But keep going out and having a good time and eventually, you will think of him less. And after more time, you will think of him, but your thoughts won't hurt you.
It gets easier with time.
~Sy.
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