| A
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: i have been with my current boyfriend for 16 yrs. his sister calls from time to time and when she does she always dumps her problems on him, always negative for as long as i have known her, he gives her advise on how to better her life but she doesn't take it. she blames him for retiring and moving out of state, how can he or i put an end to this madness!! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 April 2017):
 Depends on what your boyfriend wants to do, it is his sister and therefore he is old enough to tell her to leave him alone or to stop blaming him for her problems, this is his problem to deal with not yours.
You say it is not fair on you so leave the room when she is talking to your boyfriend. I am assuming it is his home also and not just yours?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2017): "how can he and i put an end to this madness!!"
He doesn't want to. You can't. What a brother and sister say to each other is none of your business. She's related to him. You're not.
Siblings are forever. Shack-up girlfriends come and go.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2017): Most phones have caller ID. When she calls just do not answer.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI also forgot to mention that she has alienated her grown children, grand children and her sister. It's not fair to me to have this poison coming into my home, she tries to lay a guilt trip on her brother for retiring and moving, she is 60 years old and he's not responsible for her mistakes in life.
...............................
A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (5 April 2017):
 He need not give his sister advice and she need not take it either, because all she wants is a listening ear from her brother whom she evidently misses because he's moved away. If he's the only family she has I understand why she turns to him.
Of course a man (her brother) gives solutions when a woman (his sister) simply needs an ear... Men work on the problem for it to go away by offering how to fix it, while some women vent and keep hold of the same problem where no change occurs. This happens all over the world, it's nothing new.
Whilst her negativity is draining and who she is, be thankful this only happens from time to time. By 16 years I would have thought you learnt to switch off, or go busy yourself when she calls?
Whatever her problem is it appears nothing can be done from where her brother lives other than him giving her a sympathetic ear.
I suggest be in control of the conversation, listen sympathetically for a short time, let her know her problems are like going round in circles, sorry to hear her life is shyte and change the subject to something positive.
It's not like anyone's inviting her to make a (short) visit to cheer her up?
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (5 April 2017):
 You can't control what others do but your strength lies in how you react to it. You should feel lucky that she lives far enough away not to be popping in all the time. At least this is only an occasional imposition. You and your boyfriend can choose to be affected by his sister's negativity, or you can choose to take it in your stride and let it wash over you.
Your boyfriend is making the classic male mistake of trying to FIX other people's problems when, more often than not, people just want to vent and have someone listen to them, rather than offering advice. As his sister does not take his advice, there is little point in him offering any. You and he will find the situation much more manageable if he simply sits and listens to her when she calls round, nods in the right places and says "there, there" where appropriate.
...............................
|
