A
female
age
41-50,
*psetagain
writes:When I go to my fiance's house and he's watching a movie he won't stop it to talk to me when I hug him he acts like he doesn't want to be touched. Is this normal for a guy? He tells me he can't wait to marry me but I feel unimportant to him.
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female
reader, missy_25 +, writes (6 April 2016):
To add to their posts, go with your gut, follow your heart, but listen to your head too. I've realized the over the years when my mind/heart clashes, it seems to me that following my true passion has led me to no regrets because even if I "failed", I would never regret any moment of it because it led me to become the person that I am proud of now. No one can take that away from me. You need to ask yourself, does this really bug you (him "ignoring" you) or are there underlying doubts about your feelings for him, your relationship, and worries about your marriage that is manifesting from these reactions? If so, please, please deal with it now BEFORE you get married. Being able to have honest conversations and open communication about your fears, doubts etc. will help you in your marriage. It's not all about love, you need other factors for it to stay strong. Choose a life that will lead you to your own happiness. No man can satisfy that. Marriage can be either great or a burden depending on your reasons for getting married. But loving yourself first will reduce the doubts that you feel from people around you. If you know yourself well, you'll be surprise to know that the answer to your post lies within you.I hope I don't sound mean here because I don't mean to. Reading my post seems cold from my usual style. ??
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2016): You are not the most important person in his life.
he is.
accept this and you will have a happy marriage.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (5 April 2016):
Is it just being a bit distant while he's watching a movie that's the issue? Or are there other instances where you feel shut out or unimportant?
If it's just the movie issue - I don't think it's altogether unusual for a guy to become a little distant and self-absorbed when he's enjoying his hobby (movies/computer gaming/watching football/tinkering with the car etc etc etc)
If he's just undemonstrative in general, then maybe that's just who he is and you'll need to accept that aspect of his character if you marry him. There are other ways he can show his love for you
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 April 2016):
 He is telling you what kind of husband he will be :).
The kind who won't like to be bothered while he is watching his favourite movies and will react with indifference or annoyance to your attempts to distract him or get his attention.
What you see is what you'll get. Now, draw your conclusions.
Actually, I am not saying that the guy must be a jerk or must not care about you etc. Maybe he is just not the romantic type, maybe he's one who keeps his life very compartimentalized ( a certain time set aside for romance, another for sex, another for TV ) without spillovers , maybe he is very even tempered and he never gets too excited nor too upset. He could still be a good guy, - just ask yourself if he is the right guy for you.
This is who he is and this is what he does. Do you think that a signature in front of a priest or a judge will change is his personality radically ? Why ? Itìs just marriage, not magic.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 April 2016):
 ... I think he is honest. He wants to marry you, but marrying you is NOT the same as him wanting to hug you or pause the movie. If you marry him, he will not change, he will have the same behaviour as now!
You are doing a classic female thing, you believe marriage is some magic cure that will fix whatever problem you have, and that once a man proposes he turns into a magical prince that is romantic and lovely and does all the right things. The truth is, that even if a man wants to marry you, he can still act like you don't matter to him! He can still make you feel unimportant. Marriage doesn't change this. If you marry him, he will continue to make you feel unimportant.
The question you should ask yourself is: can you live with this behavior for the rest of your life?
I recently came to the same revelation. My ex boyfriend never asked me how my day is, and doesn't want to talk to me when he comes home from work. We barely have a conversation, and dinner time is silent because he just eats without talking to me. He will also watch a movie and not pause it when I come home... I found I did NOT want this for the next 20+ years. It will make me miserable, even though I know he loves me and cares for me. This is just how some people are. It has nothing to do with love, it has to do with personality.
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