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female
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anonymous
writes:I met this guy online. We emailed and eventually had a date. Things went well. I liked him. But these are my issues: 1) picture in his profile must have been at least five years ago, he also seemed shorter than his profile stated and possibly he is also older than he stated. 2) I don't find him to be very attractive physically, but as a person I liked him. So, accept another date or let it go? Can someone become more attractive to you over time??How much should I worry about his seemingly enhanced online profile? Reply to this Question
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reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (17 March 2008):
 Well, at least it is his picture. Anyway if he is like me, he might simply not have a more recent picture. The height well, I am 1.80. Oh okay 1.79 It is just a little bit of self-improvement. Age? Samething, like someone else said, these profiles are like job-resumes, you paint yourself in the best possible light.Now ask yourselve this. You are a 40+ woman. You wear a bra? One that lifts and seperates or POSSIBLY even augments a little? Now you date a guy, the bra comes off, your tits flop down and the guy does a runner. Shallow asshole?Well, how shallow are you?You don't find him very attractive. Well geez, could you still be a playmate? If you are this brutal to selecting a date, are you ready to be brutalized too? You like him as a person. Well isn't that what counts most? Ah well, at least you are honest unlike most women and admit that looks matter most. Ask yourselve this, if you picture him naked, can you have sex with him or does the mere thought of him in the nude send you running for the hills. If the latter, give up. If you wouldn't mind him being naked with you, then give it another try. I would ignore the white lies, they might be part of his ego, were you 100% honest, and remember that bra that keeps you from tripping over your breasts COUNTS. Make-up COUNTS. They are ALL white lies to put you into a better light to sell yourselve to the opposite sex.My advice to him would be, find a less shallow woman.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): Issues pissues. Maybe he didn't find you attractive either? This sounds like a list thats going to grow and grow and grow and grow. Why you asking other folks about his fabrications. What do YOU think, is it acceptable to YOU or not?
Why not date a few times and see how things progress.
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female
reader, mskate  +, writes (17 March 2008):
hey- i'll be the first to admit it, the weight on my driver's license is "not the most accurate." don't be so hard on him! everyone "embellishes." the fact is, the picture WAS him, right? on these online dating sites, many people photoshop their pictures or use the only picture they think they look good in (even if it was 5 years ago.)
and you seem to like him for his personality.
would you have gone out with him if he used a recent picture and stated his real height?
probably not... and then you would have missed out on knowing someone nice.
i wouldn't "confront" him. that's just mean. what if he confronted you about your profile?
some short and older men are really insecure about these traits. (no offense to anyone who fits in that category.) why would you want to point it out?? just let it be for now. if you get to know him better, maybe you can joke about it. but not now.
for now, pretend you never saw his profile. based on what you know about him from your date, would you go out with him again?
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reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (17 March 2008):
 I once dated a girl who I met from a news ad and when she described her self one of the things she said was that she was "top heavy" Well I thought it meant she had big boobs. Well she was top heavy all right ...bottom heavy side heavy and all over heavy too. The girl was plain fat. Way fatter than a contestant starting out in the “World's Biggest Loser.” She was so fat that...ok no time for jokes here, but you get the point. But the sum of it is she really lied to me about herself. I did overlook it and I did date her for a while. I'm not shallow, but I also don't like being lied to, so as it happens she messed up before she even met me. So this guy you got here is doing the same thing. Taking off a few inches here, making himself bigger there, taller here, just to paint a picture that can appeal to you more. But the hard reality is you just shouldn't lie about yourself if you want to start and establish a good and honest relationship.
He messed up....and you can choose to overlook it, like I did with this girl, but hey, it’s a bad start, being dishonest. That's why I am a true believer in being yourself and not trying to pretend to be something you are not. If a person chooses you let it be on your own honest and true terms. Let them love you for being you...that's all. Here endeth the lesson.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): Ask him why he lied about certain things on his profile.
You need honesty when it comes to relationships.
But other than that, if you feel you can trust him, I'd say give it another go.
I fell in love with a fifty-something year old man, because of his personality. He was so charming, etc. He made me feel special. I'm 21. I was younger than, but anyways. Yes I say give it another go.
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reader, Jewels Gems +, writes (16 March 2008):
You dont have to rush in anything (its as though your desperate to find love, and be half of a couple - Chill & just enjoy your lifes adventure & where each day takes you instead of thinking about the big picture. the fact its unknown is the adventure not knowing what or where we may be in 6 months time, detailed planning of any kind always goes tits up.
My advise would be firstly to email & voice your concerns over the few dishonest profile points because it doesnt promote honesty & raises trusts issues into his motives to need to MISLEAD somebody. He may have a genuine reasonable explaination. Go from there as to whether to arrange a 2nd get together - we are all uniquely individual & therefore all our experiences differ so only you can answer if your attracted to him enough to overcome the negatives an try a 2nd date. You may not find your true love but instead a good friendship . Good Luck xXx
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reader, Stroller +, writes (16 March 2008):
 + 5-stars to Tisha for her resumé comments.
I don't think there's anything wrong with fibbing an inch or two on your profile - in fact, I wouldn't be surprised if lots of guys wouldn't even be aware they're doing it. As long as you don't have a specific thing for taller men then I think it's fine. And, whilst I know some people have zillions of photos of themselves and friends, taken every weekend, I'm not interested in that - I'm sure lots of other guys don't have a recent photo, either. I'd say 5 years is pushing the limit, but it's not quite fraudulent, IMO.
Personally, I don't seem to find people more attractive over time - once dating, at least, it's a pretty immediate thing, for me. I probably wouldn't bother pursuing this any further, but Tisha is right here, too - what's the harm in a second date?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): I completely agree with what Tisha has said, but let me add a couple of things.
My wife of 22 years and partner of 29 years turned down my first request for a date and didn’t like me much. One time we were out with a group and began talking and were together the entire evening. I asked her for a date and we had a good time. She broke up with her then current boyfriend before our second date. As Tisha said, you might change your opinion of him.
Now to the online profile thing. If he just embellished his profile a bit to sound more desirable then I don’t consider that a problem. If he downright lied and there is no explanation then that might be a problem. If his picture is 5 years old and his age is 5 years older than stated then it could be that he put his profile up 5 years ago and never changed it. Of course, that might say that he can’t keep a girlfriend. If his profile is new and he just lied then I would be a bit concerned about his honesty.
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 March 2008):
 I have no experience with online dating profiles, honestly, but my guess is that they might be a little like job resumes. You want to put your best foot forward so that you can at least get the interview...
If you didn't find him repulsive, and liked him, is there any downside to trying another date?
I think that you can find someone more attractive over time; when I first encountered my now husband, I was not bowled over. But as I got to know him, he became totally hot and sexy to me...
If you live close enough for another date and he didn't completely repulse you, and you have a lot in common, I have to ask, why not give him a chance to grow on you?
But be sure to be safe and make sure someone knows where you are and who you're with. Again, I have no experience with the online dating scene, but I would always advise anyone going out with someone they don't know well to take sensible precautions.
Good luck!
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