A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello there, my problem is regarding personal hygiene. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and his personal hygiene is bad. Earlier in the relationship I was quite direct with him and he could listen to me but now he just tells me to shut up if I question him. He does things like not brush his teeth properly and his breath is terrible. He makes his teenage son save his bathwater after a bath and then gets in and has a bath (I know some couples bath together romantically but to get into the bath after his son who has been sweating all of the previous day playing football and has been to the loo etc etc ...) and he is very very brief in the shower. He hardly ever smells in an obvious way but sometimes he smells a bit what I call 'mampy'. When he leaves in the mornings my bedroom smells so bad my daughter says she can smell it and a visitor commented on his breath. Also when I go to his place, he has had the same hand towel in the bathroom for months and I know he hasn't washed it. The other things he does are he uses a crumpled old pink sheet as a tablecloth and he makes gravy in the same jug that he keeps in the bathroom to wash hair (the loo is also in the bathroom with the seat kept up usually etc etc). When he is at home he wears stained old track suit bottoms. He also picks his nose and I hate this .. the other day he picked his nose and loads of snot came out including blood stained and when I commented he just said 'oh fuck off'. The thing is that I am a clean type of person .. i'm not ocd or anything but hygiene is pretty important to me and I like to have a thorough shower and clean my teeth thoroughly and I am quite fussy about bathrooms, toilets and kitchens etc and would never use the same jug from the bathroom in the kitchen for anything to do with food etc .. He seems to just dismiss me as a stupid woman whenever I say anything and he gets quite verbally abusive. Has anyone else ever been in this situation and is it something you have put up with or overlooked? If not, how did you deal with it. I am not sure what to do. We've been together for a few years now and he can be nice but also can be rude but I cannot understand this attitude towards personal hygiene and he has zero interest in making his place nice - he won't even buy a lampshade for the lamp in his sitting room. He got divorced just before I met him and I think it made him depressed. Is he trying to slowly put me off him? His ex wife used to get angry with him for not keeping their marital home clean enough at times (so he tells me) and she eventually had affairs. He used to listen to be before but now he doesn't seem to care. He wants to do things his way and that is final. He earns reasonable enough money and has a good amount of savings so he can definitely afford to at least buy a half decent tablecloth from the local market (they sell them for as little as £4.99 yet he says the sheet is fine!!). Am I being too picky or do other people agree that these things are just too unhygienic. One of my friends said if I really loved him I wouldn't mind about him picking his nose but it actually makes me heave to be honest .. and the thing with the gravy being made in the bathroom jug made me feel quite ill. I would really appreciate some help. Thank you for reading. Sorry if this turned out to be a bit long.
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affair, depressed, divorce, ex-wife, his ex, money Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 April 2010):
I think you're a complete Saint. I mean it. You're as dedicated as a woman can possibly be. But it's wasted on a guy who so clearly has no respect for himself, let alone anyone else. There will be a wonderful guy out there who will love you, and will be deserving of you. Find him instead. Don't settle for someone like this.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2010): Your not being picky one person who is picky is Kesha she IS picky so you are not being picky.
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A
female
reader, huffygirl88  +, writes (1 April 2010):
Hello i am huffygirl88 and if he is makeing you ill you eather break up with him or flat out tell him you better start taking care of your self or i am going to get a new boyfriend so you can choose what you want to happen i will wait for your awnser so start thinking about it now.
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (1 April 2010):
 Why on Earth are you even with this guy? Why would you be with a man who tells you to fuck off after HE PICKS HIS NOSE and you call him on it? Yikes! There is no hope for a person like this. Frankly his behavior screams mental illness to me. Run to the nearest exit! This guy is smelly and creepy!
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