A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has been pretty good overall I guess. He asked me to be his gf on the second date, but I waited until 2 mos later to say yes.Before I said yes he would alway ask if I was talking to other dudes and he checked my phone once.But now he has been more jealous because I had a bday party which he couldn't make it to and he started to get angry and ask me how many guys were there. He assumed I chilled with one of them or cheated. He got really aggressive and told me to come to bed bec "he needed to speak with me." I saw his hand curl into a fist. At first I thought it was funny but then I realized I didn't like it. He kept asking if I cheated. Then he grabbed my head and forced it towards him- I guess he wanted me to start looking at him again. This scared me though because it hurt a little. A few minutes later tried to get me to have sex with him. I told him he scared me and he apologized. Then he tried to get on top of me again and he started humping me (not sex) even though I told him I didn't want to. I was almost crying but I didn't let him see it- cus I felt like I was just being too emotional. Later though, I mentioned that he didn't stop and he said he did- but he did not stop immediately it was after minutes of trying to get me to give in. Is that wrong or is that normal for guys to do?Today he said that he was in control of where we go because he is the man. And a friend walked into the room and he got angry. He thought it was a man and he told me that if I cheat on him he'll hit me, but he said it jokingly.Should I worry?
View related questions:
jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): Stop worrying about it and just dump him. Far to many red flags there hun. He sounds very insecure and probably will hit you for far less than cheating. Please tell me what humping is if its not sex. When dogs do it is. Also is chilling out now a euphemism for some kind of sexual activity or is it just to much for this boy to handle you being in any male company ?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate:I got rid of him about a little over a month after this. Thanks for your help.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for ur comments
if you want to know what recently happened :
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-was-sick-i-said-no-and-now.html
i guess i really want to know what's going on inside his head...maybe i shouldnt call him ever again
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): Ditto to what the others have posted. Your own instincts are alerting you that something feels very wrong. Listen to that little voice from within. It will not let you down.
There is a lot of information on the Internet about your concerns and if you do not feel able to end the relationship without professional help and support, there are many places to turn to for exactly the help you need, within your own community. Please do the research - it could be a matter of life and death!
I have provided one link and copied a list of questions from it to help you identify your situation.
http://www.recovery-man.com/abusive/abusive_signs.htm
Warning Signs of an abuser/abusive relationship:
Does the person you love...
• constantly keep track of your time?
• act jealous and possessive?
• accuse you of being unfaithful or flirting?
• discourage your relationships with friends and family?
• prevent or discourage you from working, interacting with friends or attending school?
• constantly criticize or belittle you?
• control all finances and force you to account for what you spend? (Reasonable cooperative budgeting excepted.)
• humiliate you in front of others? (Including "jokes" at your expense.)
• destroy or take your personal property or sentimental items?
• have affairs?
• threaten to hurt you, your children or pets? Threaten to use a weapon?
• push, hit, slap, punch, kick, or bite you or your children?
• force you to have sex against your will, or demand sexual acts you are uncomfortable with?
Best of luck in the future!:)
A person who cares.
...............................
A
female
reader, ErinPatterson +, writes (7 April 2009):
 sounds a bit abusive and contolling. walk away..tell him his actions arent admirable at all and he obviously doesnt trust you..walk away..
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): Time to leave him, this is not the way normal guys act at all and it NEVER goes away, he will always be like this and it will only get worse.
Here's a good article I found that might help.
http://www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html
There is no way you should put up with behaviour like this, jealousy and control are the tools of an abuser and there is nothing you can do to change him or mould him into a nicer guy.
Please, for your own sake, don't start making excuses for his behaviour to yourself or anything like that, see it for what it is, the early signs of a man that is going to make your life absolutely miserable.
In this case there should be no second chances.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (7 April 2009):
 Yes I think you should be worried, this guy clearly has some issues with anger, trust and jealousy.
The fist thing may mean nothing but his other behaviour is more worrying to me - the fact that he grabbed your head and hurt you is a very big warning sign that he will use force and possibly violence in the future to get his own way. And then for him to continue to try and push you into having sex with him after he had been accusing you of cheating - this is not normal beviour and this shouldnt be tolerated.
In abusive and violent relationships often the violent partner starts of being a wonderful partner and then all of a sudden there is a change in them, where they go from a nice person to pretty scary and abusive. It sounds like your boyfriend has started showing signs of this abusive beahviour and I'm afraid to say I think it will only get worse in the future.
If he doesnt trust you and you have only been together a few months then this relationship is going nowhere - trust is the foundations of a relationship and without it, there will be all sorts of problems. Combine this lack of trust with an agressive personality (your boyfriend sounds like he has an agressive and jealous personality) and then it will most likely lead to violence and you will get hurt.
I know it will be hard but I think you need to get out of the relationship before he does really hurt you, you are too young to be trying to help this guy. He has some major issues that he needs to work on, ideally with a therapist. But if you try telling him this I fear he might turn on you, often people in his siutation are in real denial of their problems and behaviour and will stay this way for a number of years before they hit "rock bottom" and wake up to the way they are acting. He needs to realise this on his own - there is nothing you can do to help him.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (7 April 2009):
 Yes, I am afraid you should worry. I am not an expert on abuse, but the way you described him, made me feel like I was already afraid to be around him in case he gets emotional. Love should be about respect and caring, not about forcing himself on you, and not about disrespecting you either. It should fill your heart with you and warmth. Even when you have a "fight" or argument, it should still be done in a way that does not hurt the partner, physically and emotionally. if you googled "abuse", "abusive behavior", "signs of an abuser", you will find many sites that can enlighten you. Unfortunately, these sites will also tell you that abuse normally escalate from verbal/emotional, to physical. Please re-assess your relationship. It will be hard for you I am sure, but you need to think about your self respect and your safety. And if you have children (by him), the safety of your child too. You can only protect yourself [and your future children] when you are well, safe, and happy.Good luck!Cat
...............................
|
