A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How would you deal with your boyfriends friends being rude to you?I've found that I'm not really comfortable at all around my boyfriends 5 main best friends. They all make very rude comments to me and even just make rude comments about our relationship in general, and it makes me feel really bad.They use to be nice to me a while ago but for the past few months it's like everything has changed. The way they act around me makes me feel like they don't like me much. A girl friend of my boyfriend has told him before that he should break up with me and that she doesn't like me. My boyfriend told me this and I just didn't know how to react.Another thing is that they always know me and my boyfriends personal business. Even my own personal business. I mean I understand that they are close to my boyfriend but they know a lot of personal stuff about our relationship and my boyfriend has told them really personal stuff about me that I didn't really want anyone to know about. So now that they know some of this information about me, they joke around a lot (in a mean way) about some of the personal stuff. They just make fun of me and my relationship with my boyfriend. I don't feel comfortable around them because we don't really have a good relationship that I would like to have. I'm always just worried about what they are going to say because these rude comments and jokes are really embarrassing and hurt me. Any thoughts on what I should do?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 April 2013):
 This is not them being bad friends, it's your BF who sucks. He shouldn't SHARE intimate personal details that you have told him. THAT should stay between him and you.He is disrespecting YOU and your relationship.You need to talk to him about this. It needs to stop.Your BF sounds really immature.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 April 2013):
 I would not ( deal with them ) at all. I would deal with my boyfriend. He is the big blabbermouth who says your personal stuff to everybody, so HE is the one who needs to stop blabbering . Granted , it would be nice if his friends could be discrete and not comment on your persobal things, but ,how would they know to begin with, if your bf had not been inappropriate.Ditto for the way they treat you, it is something that should bother your bf same or more as it bothers you, and he should ask their friends to respect his relationship or else.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 April 2013):
 I want to tell you one more thing. I had a boyfriend once, and he said similar things to me. He told me his sister didn't like me. He told me I had embarrassed him in front of his family, and hinted that it was his family who thought I didn't behave. He told me his friends had said I was weird.
And you know what? It was all made up. I asked his friends in person after we broke up (they decided to not be his friend either, actually, because he was such a liar). And they told me they had never said anything like that about me.
My boyfriend had said these things solely to put me down. To hurt me and embarrass me. It was his way of keeping the "upper hand" in the relationship, to manipulate me. He wasn't a good man. He told many lies like this. He also told his friends private things about me, but most of it was made up. He would tell his friends that I would "squirt" during sex, for example. Which for one, I never have, but that's just something you do not tell people anyway. It is private. I think it showed a lack of respect for my privacy. That I was not entitled to privacy.
I worry your boyfriend is the same, because he does the same things. There was no reason to tell you his friend didn't like you and wanted him to break up with you. No reason at all. My mother has for example said negative things about my boyfriend and I NEVER told them. It would serve no purpose other than hurt them. So, he intentionally hurt you.. and he intentionally tells his friends these private details about you... He does it for a reason. And he's up to no good.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (15 April 2013):
Have a stern chat with your boyfriend. He needs to learn the word "privacy" and stop gossiping to his friends. He also seems to need to learn when to shut up. Why did he go tell you his female friend told him to break up with you? What was the purpose of that? That'd only hurt you, and there was no reason to tell you when it could only serve one thing: to hurt you. So he intentionally hurt you.
Your boyfriend doesn't sound like the greatest match for you, are you sure this is a relationship worth hanging on to? Don't hang on to it out of spite just to "show them" you can have a relationship despite them not liking you... If you're not happy then end things. Screw what his friends will say and think. They're unimportant, and you really do not need their approval for anything. You've got your own friends who like you, want to hang out with you, and who you can lean on to for support. You don't need his friends.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (15 April 2013):
FAST FORWARD.Your boyfriend would need to have a firm word with his friends re their treatment and lack of respect for you .Also when they are belitting you they are in turn disrespecting your boyfriend .Have a chat with your boyfriend about this situation. Kind regards Nora B.
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A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (15 April 2013):
 Dear OP,What your boyfriend's 'friends' think of you is how your boyfriend has potrayed you to them!So based on what he has said,based on what they have heard they will make assumptions about you!If your boyfriend had a problem or dint like how his friends are making rude comments about you he would cut them out right there,rather than come and tell you knowing it would hurt you,its like he wants you to know what his friends think about you,which is pretty shady!You need to talk your boyfriend and tell him,you'v been trying to ignore his friends nasty comments but now you have reached a point where u can't deal with it anymore,and you don't want to lash at them and have a fight instead handle it the mature way,you also need to ask your boyfriend if there is anything bothering and that you would like to settle it out rather than discussing it with his friends!Good luck
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