A
female
age
41-50,
*illy_person
writes:HiI had a date with a guy on Friday night. It went well, we had a good talk, laugh etc and have things in common. I find him attractive, but don't know if he feels the same way. I don't know if the chemistry was there. After a few drinks in a nice, ambient pub we ended up eating in a brightly lit restaurant, the only 2 customers by the end of the night, and said goodbye at a busy bus stop with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. No mention of a second date. The move to the restaurant kind of killed the mood but I was starving!I text him when I got home to let him know I got home safe and had a very nice evening, he replied immediately saying the same. Nothing since then. OK I know I shouldn't 'chase' him but unsure about what to do next. I was thinking of suggesting we go to a particular exhibition at the weekend - is that too much? Is it better to just say "hi, hope you had a good weekend, fancy meeting up again"? Or better to assume he's not interested and move on? I know the man should do the chasing but what if he's a bit shy, or just a bit slow? He was quite slow in asking me out and quite old fashioned, paying for dinner etc. We met online so he might be dating a trillion other people....Help! - not sure what to do. I feel like sitting on my hands and wait a day or two then move on but don't want to waste an opportunity because he seemed nice. The other thing is that I'm shy and it can come across as aloof. And after my last dating experience (nerves - drinks leading to a one night stand) I was perhaps a bit withdrawn/ cautious with the flirting. So I wonder if I should show that I'm interested, or just assume his lack of contact means he's not interested.
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flirt, met online, move on, one night stand, shy, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, silly_person +, writes (16 April 2013):
silly_person is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the different perspectives. I'm really no good at first dates and my personality comes out slowly over time. I know I'm not physically repulsive and I look like the pictures I have up on my online profile.It's just frustrating that guys (and women, I suppose) seem to make a decision based on one date! I'm not sure how much I even like the guy, barely know him, but would like to get to know him more.
A
male
reader, Calum +, writes (15 April 2013):
Hi, nobody likes rejection that's why we stop ourselves from asking people out, he may be suffering from the very same thing who knows! Send him a message saying 'hi, i really enjoyed the other night, fancy going out again? It's ok if not, just thought I'd ask' something like that anyway. If it doesn't happen, it might hurt momentarily if he says no but at least you know and don't wonder what might have been. You can then use the experience to be more confident if the situation arises again
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (15 April 2013):
 If he was interested, he probably would have contacted you by now. If you want to make sure, by all means text him and ask if he'd like to meet up again.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (15 April 2013):
 Hi
It was a first date and you went first for drinks and then a meal. If he didn't like you then I don't think he would have extended the date with the food.
Relax, he sounds as though he enjoyed himself. Give him a few days and see if he contacts you re next weekend.If he doesn't then you could suggest somewhere, a show or a live band,or even a Gallery in the day.
Just take it all in your stride or you will be too stressed to enjoy him or dating.
Good luck,hope it works out.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (15 April 2013):
 Stop reading too much into the situation...you only had one meeting so no point torturing yourself over it.
You want to know if he'd like another date?
So text and ask 'Do you fancy another date?' It's short, sweet and to the point and requires a YES or NO answer.
If he says yes...great!! make the arrangemnts
If he says no...don't take it personally because he didn't feel the same connection.
If he ignores you, he's probaly just a rude ignorant coward, so count your lucky stars you avoided somone so rude!!
If he ignores you it doesn't mean he's shy, reserved, likes to do the chasing or has been hit by a bus!!...it means he's not interested and he's too ignorant to let you know.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (15 April 2013):
 There's a whole spectrum of "appearances".... from aloof to clingy/chasing.....
Why not cool things for a couple of days... and see if he DOES contact you for a second meeting/date?.... IF he doesn't.... AND if you see some affair that you'd like to attend... THEN, you could contact him and tell him that you'd like to attend... AND, would he like to join you?
Good luck.....
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