A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some advise as to what I need to do regarding my relationship. I have been dating this guy for almost 2 years. This last we officially made it boyfriend and girlfriend. I was introduce to his family, including grandma. He knows my family well. Anyway, I get comfortable with his cousins and we always talk about stuff and she heard something totally different to what I had said. I was sober and she was drunk. Ok everyone knows how she is drunk and she calls my ex and tells him I said all these thing I never said. One sentence turned into a book full of lies. I understand family is thicker than water. He was already being distant to me prior to this thats why I was invited to her house to chat. Long story short, our relationship has been back and forth for the last 2 years. We stay together for a few months then break then get back together and then break. I feel this is different this time cuz family got involved and he asked me st stay away from his family cuz no will tell me anything. I have tried asking him if he wanted to break up prior to this and he said no. We does this often but when is enough going ro be enough! I'm sick and tired of it and people like family and friends thinkn I'm crazy. He has been able to tell me that he really loves me and introduced me to everyone as the girlfriend. But I don't know what I should do? Walk away? This is the 4th time. Why won't he just walk away instead of coming back? I don't know what to do, is there anyone who has anything similar?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Kyle 007, i do agree. SO men like this one will never change? my mom keeps telling em tolistent to her because she knows better. I sometimes wonder if i have sympathy or is it real love? when we are together it is so wonderful and great but then i worry if it is only superficial because he did it so he could get me back again. I am not sure if is is love or guilt is why i keep goin back. The situation is what i want in a relationship so badly but when he does this thing about breaking off and then wanting to get back together, i dont want anything to do with him but he always finds a way to get me back. I cant move until i graduate college which is another 9 months. trust me, that was my first instinct. i wanted to chagne my number and my famiily is like why inconvenience yourself for one guy? especially if you dont know if he will even call again. but my reason was if he does then i wont have to hear it and it will be that much easier to get away for good. But my sister reminded me of the fact that he knows where you live and where you work and where you go to school. SO what woould you do?
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (21 August 2011):
 When a man wants to become a couple, he puts "His" woman above everyone else and cuts the apron strings, because he is creating "His" family.
This Guy is not doing this and he has proved how weak he is over and over again to you and to his own family. Even if this guy proposed now, the pattern and history with his family will remain.
I would take a job in another city and get the hell out of Dodge, if you'll pardon the expression. Two years is more than enough time to waste. Start a new life where you can date without having to introduce your entire family to his entire family, problem solved.
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A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (21 August 2011):
You wrote: I'm afraid if I do leave him, that I will regret it because what if he changes for someone else and actually makes a real commitment.
This is not likely. But you aren't going to find out because you aren't going to be part of his life.
But I am getting better ideas of what is going on.
It has been said that the two main emotional factors could be divided into "love" and "fear".
This is fear, pure and simple.
As part of the breakup you need to tell his family that you are no longer part of his life if they ever come around again.
There are men out there who DO commit who are waiting for people like you. There may even be some poor guy who is in a relationship right now with a woman who won't commit to him that is now breaking it off to find someone like you.
And that woman and your ex can find each other and drive each other crazy with not wanting to commit.
Since he has a genetic disease you may want to examine how much of this atraction is based on sympathy. Also, people who are sick or dying degrade in their emotional strength and personal integrity. You are not married to him. You don't want this.
You have more to be afraid of by staying than going. And you will find more love with someone else. By the looks of it, randomly picking a name out of the phone book might give you better chances.
And make it clear that the stalking has to stop or you go legal on him. Consider moving too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh and here is another update, it has been said or rumor has it tht he wants to get married and is going to propose....how can someone propose and be like this in a relationship? Do they really expect the other person to accept the proposal? My family is really torn and tell me to move on and let him go. I want to let him go and move on with my life. i have a wonderful guy friend who is younger than me who supports me but we didnt start out as friends but he too at the time (4yrs ago) didnt want a relationship so we became good friends. I really do appreciate all the great advice and support and thanks for no judging or disrespect.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI completely understand all of your responses. And I have walked away numerous times and he just can't or won't leave me alone. And we live the same neighborhood,he is on end and and I'm on the other end. There is distance between us but not enough. If I don't respond then he drives by my house and uses the exit on my side of the neighborhood. Other than his cousin, the entire family loves me and pulls me back in whem he gets sick again, he has a genetic disease. And that's how we start all over again. They or him wants me to help out. His family wants us to be together and wants me to be patient about the whole thing. To be honest with all of this, I'm afraid if I do leave him, that I will regret it because what if he changes for someone else and actually makes a real commitment. My mother tells me that he will never change especially since he is 32. And for all you to know I SERIOUSLY DOUBT he will be back since this time was different since it involved his family. This is additional info since I was notified to add more. Thank you all!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): End it with him and mean it. He shouldn't be letting his family treat you this way, the fact that he has believed his drunken cousin over you speaks volumes. I'd leave this mess with him and move on. You don't need this drama
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A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (21 August 2011):
Any pattern of breaking up and getting back together is not good at all. You will never have security in your relationship and never have any closure on ending it either unless you just completely disconnect. I am 100% serious.
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