A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend 2 months. He broke up with his ex girlfriend 7 months ago. But I found out they slept with each other a month before we got together.He said they were out with mutual friends, both very drunk, she pounced and 'took advantage'. Now I know, he could have turned her down, so it wasn't like she forced herself on him. He took her home, but before it got to morning he asked her to leave.He'd broken up with her, and you can probably guess, she wanted him back.But I've noticed, whenever we drive past her house, he always looks (I guess to see if her car is there?). On his birthday last month, she text him ON THE STROKE of midnight to say happy birthday and she would like to take him out for a drink. (This hasn't happened).What do I make of this?
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (18 December 2007):
 "I disagree a bit with anon_e_mouse. You have no reason to talk to the ex. The one you should talk to is your boyfriend"I don't recall saying YOU should talk to the EX at all. In fact, what I'm saying is UNLESS your boyfriend still has feelings for her then HE shouldn't be in touch with her at all. If he DOES have feelings for her then you two shouldn't be together."He is the one who should make it very clear that he doesn't want anything at all with her. There will always be people coming to you, but, if you respect a relationship, you will keep them away. This is what committed people do"Very true! I had this issue with MY EX-girlfriend. She seemed to think as soon as someone comes up to me I'm going to run off with them. NEVER! It's all about saying NO. Your boyfriend should cut his ties with his EX and concentrate fully on YOU and YOUR RELATIONSHIP. If he can't do that then it's time to move on."... you should not need to worry about every woman who has an interest in him but he doesn't encourage"By keeping in touch, whether he thinks it's nothing or not, is encouraging in a way. He doesn't have to be doing anything... Even if it IS just a friends thing then it's pretty obvious she has hopes they'll get back together and he's feeding those hopes. He needs to stop."Also, I am with Waterloo Sunset. If he doesn't solve this, leave him. You don't deserve this"Me too
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 December 2007):
 I disagree a bit with anon_e_mouse. You have no reason to talk to the ex. The one you should talk to is your boyfriend. He is the one who should make it very clear that he doesn't want anything at all with her. There will always be people coming to you, but, if you respect a relationship, you will keep them away. This is what committed people do. And you should not need to worry about every woman who has an interest in him but he doesn't "encourage".
Also, I am with Waterloo Sunset. If he doesn't solve this, leave him. You don't deserve this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007): He should push her far into the background and stop playing games. She is playing with his heart and mind and if he doesnt start pushing her out of his head then you will have to contend with the fact that they still love each other. I hate exs so i know just what you are going through. I have had a right time with them in the past. They can manipulate any situation to suit themselves, whereas i just dont ever want to see my exs ever again! You need to be firm and strong and talk to him about the situation. If things get worse then look at your relationship and ask yourself if you really want to carry on with it, taking into account all of the hurt that you MAY suffer in the future.
take care and dont take crap.
xx
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (18 December 2007):
"I've been with my boyfriend 2 months. He broke up with his ex girlfriend 7 months ago. But I found out they slept with each other a month before we got together. He said they were out with mutual friends, both very drunk, she pounced and 'took advantage'. Now I know, he could have turned her down, so it wasn't like she forced herself on him. He took her home, but before it got to morning he asked her to leave"
This is a tricky one. I have just recently split up with my girlfriend a little over a month ago. I've seen her at a bar whilst walking past on my way to a club. I think it's because we're going through that "avoiding each other because it's still fresh" stage. I know she spotted me too since we both looked away at the same time. I'm doing my utmost to stay away and I believe she is too.
Although she did "pounce" on him, he could've told her there and then that he's moved on and not interested in that way. However, if he was single at the time then I must admit, if my EX came onto me I would be tempted, almost certainly, to go there. However, I ma aware I'm not over it yet.
I'm not sure why he stays in touch. After a proper break up I'd be tempted to change my mobile number and have no contact whatsoever. UNLESS I still had feelings for them or regrets about the break up.
"... I've noticed, whenever we drive past her house, he always looks (I guess to see if her car is there?)"
In my opinion it sounds to me he still has feelings for her. Probably wondering what she's doing sometimes and subconsciously is on the look out for her. With her staying in touch it'll be extremely hard for him to move on.
"On his birthday last month, she text him ON THE STROKE of midnight to say happy birthday and she would like to take him out for a drink. (This hasn't happened)"
Again, it seems his EX has hopes they'll get back together, these hopes are probably fueled by the contact they still maintain between them. I take it she's aware he has you?
If I were you I'd ask him about his EX and whether he still has feelings for her. I think you need to tell him how it makes you feel and how it's affecting you. You need to find out where you stand and where he's at.
I'm afraid I'm not much help but just wanted to give you my tuppence worth. Good luck :)
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (18 December 2007):
She is trying to get him back and he is not exactly resisting. Maybe he isn't encouraging it, either, but I believe that he should have told her to stop by now, because he needs to respect you. Also, no person should get involved with anyone else if not for a serious, devoted relationship.
I think you should ask him where you stand with him, and why he is still in this sort of relationship with the ex. This is not simple friendship. And I believe that you should word your question in a way that he will understand you're not asking just for the sake of information. You need to make it very clear that this is affecting you.
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