A
female
age
41-50,
*upid lover
writes:The man that I have been seeing for just over 2 months has an ex girlfriend coming to stay at his house for the weekend. He still lives with his family so it is a full house. He asked to stay at his place before I met him so he feels as though it is too late to ask her to make other arrangements. I still think that it is weird and feel jealous as hell and annoyed that he hasn't considered my feelings. He is having a birthday party on the weekend and she will be there. He really wants me to go but I know that I won;t feel comfirtable. Do I go to the party? Am I being ridiculous by being jealous and feeling hurt?
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female
reader, ashley187  +, writes (10 February 2011):
 Well.. if they were never an item but slept together.. AND she's friends with his sister..I would just buck up. Go to the party and be yourself. Be friendly and don't let it ruin your time there. You should be there. It might be aqward but definitely worth going to. Good luck! Let us know how it goes!
A
female
reader, cupid lover +, writes (10 February 2011):
cupid lover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMore detail: They were never an exclusive "item" but were intimate. They are still friends and she is friends with his sister.
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A
female
reader, cupid lover +, writes (9 February 2011):
cupid lover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Jonas,
His ex will be staying in a spare room. Also, I really don't want to go to the party because I don't like meeting my current boyfriend's exes.......ever! I like to think of them as out of the picture. Why do I need to meet them? I would just rather not know. I'm not the curious type in that way.
What I want to know- will he think that I am over reacting if I don't go to the party? He emailed me last night saying that he felt really bad that he had put me in this position and that he totally understands where I am coming from. He just feels like he can't turn her away now because it is such short notice and was organised a long time ago. Thoughts?
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A
male
reader, airwaterearthfirebender  +, writes (9 February 2011):
 Consider this an early warning signal as to what this guy is about and/or the balls he doesn't have and/or his family.So what if he agreed previously that she could stay...things change. Namely, you're in the picture now. There's plenty of time for her to make other arrangements.Why is the ex coming over anyway if they are not together anymore? How long has she been an ex? Is this a recent occurrence and you're just a rebound thing for him?Have higher standards. An ex is an ex, goodbye and good riddance, unless of course reconciliation is still a possibility and the break up was too recent. In which case you should be extremely weary.If I was you I would just walk and say next. This is my prime advice.If you think there is something about this guy and this is a momentary lapse in judgment for him then I would take the extra step of demanding that he take into account your feelings and if she is showing up then it will be clear where his priorities are, and not with you. In which case you again should walk.Yes, that's pretty much an ultimatum and a pretty clear one at that. After that (if you even care enough to do this - because frankly I would just walk), then you will know exactly where he stands. If he does do what you ask, then of course, this will mean that you will likely end up having to have enough balls in the future to make up for what he seems to be missing and make sure he doesn't get himself into trouble because he is possibly too stupid and/or simply is lacking in the empathy department...yet another reason to just walk...back to my initial advice.If it is his family that is inviting her, which in itself would be messed up, then he shouldn't be there and you two should be out with one another. If it is his family, then this again would prove how much of a pansy he is, where his family even calls the shots over his love life. At this point he should be saying she is off limits if they have any respect for him and if he has any for himself.Whatever you do, don't just accept this crap. It will bother you subconsciously for years (if you're in the picture that long) and you'll just hold it in your head and try to bury it somewhere but it will keep popping up...likely to the point where you two will eventually break up anyway. Don't waste your time and avoid the regret you will have for potentially wasting years of your life before you realize you can no longer stand this guy.If you accept this then you will be setting the stage and the bar pretty low. Get ready to accept the ex in the picture and probably more drama and BS and so on and so on. I believe few if any women like a ball-less man despite women's liberation and the advancement of women's rights. If what I say comes to pass, then you will know that you were an enabler. Be a strong woman, have high standards for yourself with one of them being walking from wishy-washy guys with previous partners still in the picture. You are too good to have to settle for that type of garbage...so your job is to not accept it when you see it. Take care.
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A
female
reader, ashley187 +, writes (9 February 2011):
haha absolutely not! That would never go over well with me. She should have enough respect for your relationship to find a motel! That's not okay and your boyfriend should feel horrible that you don't even want to go to the party because you're uncomfortable. Not a good way to start a relationship.
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