A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello i really need some help please. so im dating my boyfriend for ten months now. we're both eighteen. well one of his ex's added him on facebook a few months ago. well now he goes on everyday and talks to her. he lies to me saying he's talking to others. how I know he's lying is I know his facebook password. he doesn't know i know I just randomly put it in and it worked. now he's been flirting with her all the time and i can't tell him i know cause he will get mad and change his password. I know its wrong for me to do that but he's the one lying to me. i told him i didn't like her but he still talks to her. she lives in mexico and is coming to visit soon. so now im worried about that. if I try talking to him he changes the whole thing to make me the bad guy and we get into this huge fight. please help me i really need major help.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 April 2012):
 Not much trust in this relationship is there?
You are spying
He is lying
If you don’t trust him why are you with him?
Either leave him
Or trust him.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (10 April 2012):
 What a mess (sigh)! It's clear you dont trust him or you wouldnt have snooped into his account because that is his personal space. You know what you have been doing is wrong which is why you have been snooping on the sly, and your B/f also knows what he is doing is wrong which is why he's talking to his ex on the sly.
There's no easy way out of this. You can choose to ignore it altogether, which is not possible now, I know. You can confront him about this but then the only way out is that you will end up breaking the relationship. Once you corner him, he too will get mad at you for snooping and angrier still that he's been caught.
I think you need a break from him for now. He's clearly not sure of his feelings and you don't trust him and it doesn't make for a very strong foundation for a relationship.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 April 2012):
 You say you can't tell him because he will change his password? Well, what do you think you should do?
Should YOU be snooping and making yourself miserable EVERY DAY? Or confront him?
Why do you try to hold on to a relationship that is full of lies and deceit?
My guess is that you went snooping because you had a gut instinct telling you something was up. And it was. But when you snoop, the person who is BOUND to get hurt is YOU and you alone.
You don't trust your BF ( and I don't blame you) but with all due respect, he can't trust you either, can he?
You need to figure out what you want from this relationship. Do you really think his actions are OK? Are yours?
Think on it and talk to him.
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A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (10 April 2012):
 If you go looking for something...chances are that you will find it. Well you should not have been snooping BUT seeing as its too late to tell you not to do that... I think that... you could break it off with him and tell him you just don't trust him (which you don't coz else there would of bn no snooping) OR you can tell him that you read his FB messages in which case he will break up with you (most likely coz how can he trust you?)... so it looks like you need to work on TRUST! If not for this relationship... then for others to come...this has NOTHING to do with the ex. The issue underlying here is your ability to trust him (and prob justified seeing as he is flirting)... good luck hun xx
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