A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months.We had alot of hassle from his ex int he beginning, who even after 7 months of being broken up, could't let him go.He gives me open access to everything, emails, phone bill, etc. I trust him that he wouldn't cheat but I can't help checking up on him. Mainly his phone bill to see if he has been texting or calling her, which he has been doing alot in the past and has caused problems for us.I can't help checking up on her too, her websites (Myspace etc). I don't know why I do it, because everytime I look I always feel rotten, like she's better than me. I would say both of us are pretty, I'm slimmer than she is (not by much) but I think I have a bad body image sometimes and sometimes I feel fatter than she is even though I know I;m not.I know she wasn't the best girlfriend to my boyfriend but sometimes I seem to build her up and put her on a pedestal leaving me feeling low, and it puts a bit of strain on our relationsip.I would love to wake up and not think about her, or not want to check his personal stuff. I know it's wrong, I just can't seem to help myself.I have never been like this in a relationship before.
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female
reader, GetAGrip  +, writes (15 May 2008):
I am the ex who is still in love with him, he has a new girlfriend. I am confused that he wants to still come to my home and do jobs for me. Is he still in love with me? Or does he just want to be friends.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007): Well, I can sympathize with you about an ex that caused problems for you in the beginning of the relationship, I have been there myself and it is hard, especially if your boyfriend won't cut ties with her as a friend, and she is antagonistic towards you....if he wants to be her friend, then it would be helpful to get the two of you together, her as a friend and you as his girlfriend so you can put your fears to rest.
But really, your boyfriend is not hiding anything from you, so I don't think your fears are founded in anything real at the present time....you need to stop all of that checking behavior, you are getting a bit obsessed with this and you are going to manifest what you fear if you keep doing it....treat your boyfriend with some trust, this is a major need of your boyfriend to feel trusted by you in order for him to feel loved....if you feel that he is not showing you enough love, then work on that, not the ex girlfriend, she isn't thre reason you may be feeling insecure....it may be something missing in your relationship with him, talk to him about how you are feeling unloved and tell him what he can do for you to fix this....speak to him in terms of I think, instead of I feel and he will listen to you better.....Good Luck
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A
female
reader, elliebellie +, writes (15 December 2007):
hiya!
this may sound really hard but the best thing for you to do is just let go of her. forget about her. remember your boyfriend left his old girlfriend to be with you. he wants you!! he doesnt want anyone like his old gf.
your bf is obviously very open with you so in a way you two are ok i think. you just need to forget about his old ex. if you think about checking up on her myspace, then just try and do something else, or call your bf.
hope this helps.
please feel free to mail me if you have anything else you want to talk about.
lol
ellie
xxx
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