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female
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*rokenhearted
writes: HiSorry about such a long question. But I really need advice on my exs feelings!The guy I still believe is the love of my life, the one etc.. has just got a new girlfriend. I'm devasted!We were going out for 3 years, thought we loved eachother very much, well I know he did, we talked about marraige, kids, everything, really everything, we were really best friends, i really did think it'd last forever!The thing is it all started going wrong lately, we both really busy at mo and when I'm stressed I need him and when hes strssed he needs time to be on his own--hence conflict.....I know I should have accepted him the way he was cause I know it wasnt because he didn't love me it was because he just needed to be on his own....so when I needed him I'd get very upset, ridiculously upset, it was really uncalled for, I'd cry, I'd ring constantly... I just wasn't thinking very rationally... this of course lead to him not really wanting to see me and needing more time to think things over about us and hence needing more time alone...I broke up with him as I had just enough of being miserable, not realising at the time that it was me who was making myself miserable but blaming him, he rung everyday a couple of times to make sure I was ok, I was just after starting a new job, new workmates, new housemates, i was all on my own, reaised how much I loved him, how much he loved me and we got back together! ( I had broken up with him a couple of times over the years but only because he kept letting me down, kept failing to turn up at important family things etc.... and although these weren;'t his fault I'd just get so upset about going to something all on my own again and ppl asking where he was... anyway he used to get very upset about this, he knew I loved him, I'd get upset too when breaking up with him... so needless to say these breakups only lasted hours,a day or two at most!!!)then 2 wks later, he was very busy as he had important professional exams, I had got really upset with him one night as he said he'd try and call over and he didn't, he had promised to visit a family friend and had forgotten, so I got upset because I had got back with him on condition that he'd make an effort! I was really angry with him, it wasn't his fault though! Anyway 2 days later he rung and broke up with me,he said he just couldn't cope anymore and that was it! He wouldn't answer my calls, I resorted to ringing his parents house with my number blocked to ring him.... I know that was uncalled for but I was desperate, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't do anything....anyway this really annoyed him, needless to say!We got back together 4 weeks later after his exams, his idea, then he didn't know if you loved me anymore so we broke up then we got back together but I knew he still didn't know so I said I'd give him a week to clear his head, got back together ten and I had been working on myself and we werent arguing and I knew that I couldn't blame him for my unhappiness etc.. so things were going well but then he cheated on me, something he would never ever do... he told me, said he loved me but I'd never forgive him and he'd never forgive himself!!!He cried that day leaving me!(he's very tough, never cries, doesnt see the pt of it so I knew he was upset)I was devasted, I loved him so much and it wasn't so much the cheating more so the giving up on us that upset me, I did fall back into the depths of despair then and rung him constantly crying and cryiong, hurdling abuse, sending rude emails, really just being a b*tch!!I really did think we had something special and I still do think we could but I rung him a few days ago after no contact whatso ever in 2 weeks, he's now going out with the girl he cheated on me with. I don't know what to do, I can't believe he moved on so quickly, its been 6 weeks since we broke up. I feel like such a twit for thinking he was the one, for thinking everything he said to me was true but deep down I know it was!I know though that he would never ever kiss someone let alone go out with them unless he really liked them and I know he likes this girl, they were friends before they got together so maybe i wasn't that special afterall but the thing is he says that he used to love me so much but that I pushed him too far by my constant ringing during his exams. I understand that as I know he gets really strssed out about exams and I know I should have let him be but he knows me too and he knew I wouldn't be able to just let him go like that!I really do love him, I'm not stupid but I really do. Theres just somethong about the way it is when we together, I can hear it in his voice, I can see it in his eyes or else I'm being a fool!!!I meet him out 4 weeks ago and he asked me then would I be ok if we give it another try( i got a bit upset when I seen him) and that he still loved me very much!!Of course I ignored this)I just don't know what to do, I really love him even after all this but I know I'm as much to blame and I can understand how he could have got annoyed but I don't know how he could have fallen out of love, I really don't!I just want to know does anyone think he still has feelings for me? Could it still work?Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to dwell on the past, I will move on and not fall into the hole of despair that I have done in the past but maybe in a few years, do you think its possible? It was really great when it was great and even recently although it was horrid when we weren't together it ws lovely when we were spending time together! But then again if he can just give up on us like that it obviously didn't mean that much to him!Please someone advise me, it was always so lovely between us, so open and honest and just right. My friends all say terrible things about him but I know him, I love him so much! I know time will heal all wounds but I'd really like him back, not now but I really do believe that he still loves me, he's just trying to move on cause hes kinda logical like that, no point in dweeling in the past but then again on the other hands I know he likes this girl..... I really need someones advice!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, shortandsweet408 +, writes (25 January 2006):
 Ok... Here is my last piece of advice. Don't bother him. You said he stopped loving you because of your constant rings, so don't call, don't go to his house. If he wants you he will come back.
P.S. What was wrong with my first advice? You HAVE to remember there is no quick fix to get him back. (if there were I'd be a millionaire)
A
female
reader, brokenhearted +, writes (25 January 2006):
brokenhearted is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks very much for all advivce so far! i know its a very long questuon and i know its a hard one to answer as there's no specific question but I could really do with more advice.
I love him, I know we can work, i know I used to mean to world to him and I can't believe that given a chance that we could both have a perfect rlationship together again!
Please Please can i have more advice
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A
female
reader, shortandsweet408 +, writes (24 January 2006):
Its only been 6 weeks, do yourself a favor and take a deep breath.
It sounds like the problems between you two has become worse and worse over the years. The person you love and who loves you back shouldn't hurt you as much as he has. --First, the attention problem. That is something small and when someone says they need their space, then by all means give it to them! We are all different and can't want and need everything that our partner may also need. --Second, the constant breaking up and getting back together. Breaking up should NEVER be so lightly taken as to say goodbye everytime you get into a fight. --And Third, cheating. No one likes to be cheated on. Its one thing to not see it coming from a mile away, but after this many breakups and fights...
I know it all hurts, but I think you've answered your questions. He may have feelings for you still, but he has quickly moved on to someone else. (and its the girl he cheated with) Try and move on, its only for the best. You don't want to be with someone who you break-up with all the time and who cheats, trust me... been there, done that. He may or may not get over his "fling" with this girl. (which is exactly what I think it is) But don't take him back right away if he comes running. Set rules, hell, go on DATES - see eachother less often and stop smothering him.
-Make sure you guys can COMMUNICATE instead of breaking-up at the drop of a hat
-You two should be willing to compromise your time to spend less (for you) and more (for him) time together. - If he likes you, shouldn't he want to spend a significant amount of time together?
Just remember, you broke-up (many times) for a reason. It may just not work out, and you need to give your heart to someone who will appreciate it.
Let me know how things go... xoxo
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2006): dear writer you will still feel a strong bond with him, but if he has moved on you should to!Think,if he's mad enough to dump you or your clever enough to dump him then it musn't be a perfect matchjust remember.there is some one out there for every one you just need to look harder he's not worth weeping overluv amy.d (age 12 and 3/4
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