A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I'm a freshman in high school and I have taken a liking to this really cute and sweet football player/singer. He's so goofy and always is showing off his muscles at rallies. But the problem is the only things I know about him as a person is what I have heard from other people. He is a senior, and way out of my league--even for just a friendship. I am a very insecure girl who weighs 190 pounds and has a lot of flab, which makes my insecurity worse. I see him in the library at lunch all the time and I want to go talk to him but I am afraid it would be really awkward with his friends there and everything. My friends have advised me to just say "hey" or bump into him on "accident". I'm scared of getting rejected. What do you think I should do? Conversation starter? Thanks ;)
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (5 October 2010):
 I know in school it is sometimes hard to approach someone you admire, even for friendship but you must understand that there are no 'leagues' as I wish everyone that young would understand. There may be cliques but that should not stop you from approaching someone. Just go up to him and say hi. Start a conversation about his football playing, maybe ask if he wants to do that later in life as a career. It is monumentally easy to begin a conversation with someone if you are confident, you do not have to plan a conversation, just ask about him and perhaps he will ask about you and before you know it, you've begun a friendship. Right now, I suppose you are thinking "easier said than done" but I can tell you that it is not so. It is just as easily done.
I hope that helps.
A
female
reader, heart-shaped-balloon +, writes (5 October 2010):
 First things first- focus on loving yourself. Confidence can really be what makes girls attractive to guys. I've known some girls that were actually very bad looking and they were popular with guys just because they were confident. It's hard to do, but possible. I did it too. I used to hate myself, and suffered through depression due to abuse as a child. I thought I was ugly, chubby, and looked very man-ish. Once I got over my insecurities, I was instantly much more popular with people in gender, especially the opposite sex. I can't really tell you how to do that- maybe therapy, or finding something you're good at and devoting yourself to it, or focus on trying to interact more and more with other people so you no longer have an social anxiety. Once you see people don't respond to you negatively, it will make a huge difference in your esteem. But you really have to find your own path and what works for you.As for him- the accidental approach is great. I've made plenty of friends by accidents and me just piping in to conversations or laughing at things I find funny. Also, be aware that many men like "curvier" women who aren't stick straight. It makes you a little more womanly. Many guys might find you attractive already, but are uncertain about approaching you because you have withdrawn yourself. Once you find confidence, you will notice a definite change. Try bumping in to him in the hallways or somewhere on accident, and then strike up maybe a funny little conversation and walk with him. Be happy, smiling, funny. Good humored women are attractive to men. Listen to what he says, use eye contact. Don't withdraw into yourself- don't hold back. Holding back will ALWAYS do more harm than good. People are more afraid of people who hold back than people who let it all out.If your weight causes you negative feelings, why not try adjusting your lifestyle a bit? If the flab bothers you, start trying to build up some muscle. It will give you a much firmer body. I don't know your height or whether or not your weight is healthy for it, but maybe try exercising to lose a small bit. Stay away from running- it is BAD for people trying to lose weight. It stresses the knee joints and can permanently ruin them because of excess weight strain. Instead try walking, or get a friend to go with you to the gym with you and it will be much more fun.. And it will also make you feel much happier and more confident due to your increased health and endorphin releases. DO NOT starve yourself or try any crazy diets. If you want to diet, just cut out the bad stuff and replace it with only good things. Make sure when exercising you burn off more calories than you consumed that day. Maybe see a doctor or nutritionalist- they can do WONDERS and in a much smaller frame of time.Good luck! Put yourself out there :) I'm sure he'll like you.. And even if it doesn't end in a relationship, you will at least have a funny new friend who is awesome.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2010): Well im a senior in highschool. and in my opinion.. I wouldnt get with a freshman as a gf because im going to be already grduating.just in my opinion... I say theres nothing wrong with being friends. when i was a freshman i was friends with the whole senior class(well kinda)and was insecure too. if he is sweet to others, why not you? and the worst thing is if you and him dont become friends. its not the end of the world. and it might be for you.. but as a freshman, you'll move on sooner or later. P.S. Just give it your best. be brave! and dont be insecure of your weight or how you look... looks are just temporary.. but personality lasts forever. with sports and other activities, you can become slimmer. so dont worry about that(:
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