A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey i need some advice, my fiance wont get outta bed to feed our 2 month old son! we both do a night feed each as i do all the child care, he only does one feed in 24 hours and thats one of the night feed. since iv had my son iv had to do nearly everything for our son. i had a c-section and even a few days after i was cookin the dinner, doing all the child care etc, he works for 8 hours a day working for his mum but only bin goin 2hours a day and she lets him get away with it. i have to physically get my fiance out of bed, i try wakin him up, he ignores me, i kick him and he says ok and goes back to sleep, i slap and punch him (lightly) and he still ignores methe past week hes not been feeding our son on time, its usually an hour/an hour and a half late. im proper tired as i do all the child care and only get a few hours sleep while he gets about 8/10hours. this morning he wudnt get outa bed, i only had an hours sleep, my sons feed was at this point 2hours late, i tried getting my fiance up and he just ignored me, i said do you want me to do it and he said yes, i ended up smashing a glass against the wall, i know it was stupid with a baby in the room but i just got that fustrated! he can do what he wants to me but i draw the line at not feeding our son! any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): a 2 month old baby sleeps from 11pm to 9 am/10 am?how is that possible?are you feeding the baby at all?
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 March 2010):
 Ahahahaha!!!!!! If you can't cope with looking after your son, with a man working and financially providing for you. Throwing him out and being a single mother is the very worse thing you can do.... You can't cope already, you and your son will suffer, but he'll be happy as he can sleep all day after work.
BAD IDEA TO THROW HIM OUT!!! You can't cope as a single mother.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 March 2010):
Cold ice works well, or cold water.. always wakes people up. You could also set an alarm clock that can wake him up.
Your actually very lucky, most women do all the childcare, housekeeping and feeding of their child themselves. Many women breast feed and so they can't easily share the feeding. Many women are single parents and have other children and do not have any help. Your partner works, he has a job, traditionally, he works, you look after kids, he would not be expected to wake up to feed them too.
You are training your man very well, I congratulate you.. :)
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (12 March 2010):
10 hours only....pppfff... lightweight's
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (12 March 2010):
 I meant that's at LEAST 10 hours...
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (12 March 2010):
11 p.m. to 9/10 a.m. is at 10 hours! That's more sleep than I get every night! I don't see a problem.
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A
female
reader, kayla20 +, writes (12 March 2010):
 a relationship should be about balance and if he isnt helping you then itl make your relationship weaken.you need to tell him that if he doesnt put in some more effort with you and your son then there is no point you both being in a relationship as you dont want to feel like a single mother raising your child with a lazy partner who doesnt put in the effort to help with the child he helped make when you are struggling
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (11 March 2010):
Darling, you need to sit down and think. You will probably scoff at my advice but as a mother of 3 kids I am telling you that you are on the wrong path. This baby is 2 months old and you are already turning it into a contentious issue instead of the baby being there to bring you two joy and happiness. The baby should never be a bargaining chip/ 'its your turn' deal. The parent who is available to care for the baby is the one that does what is needed. This is a human being and there is no such thing as 'your turn' when it comes to caring for your own child. So if you are the one who is able to wake up then do it. If he sleeps so deeply he could end up having an accident maybe falling asleep and dropping the baby from his lap or not burping baby when he puts her back in the cot, then baby chokes on vomit or something. If he is not fully coherent and alert at night then he shouldnt be feeding the baby. What you can do since he has time off is leave the baby with him perhaps mid afternoon for a couple of hours while you take a long deserved nap or go get your hair and nails done or whatever you like. When its during the day daddy is awake and can do a little more to help. You are both new parents so it takes time to get into a workable routine. But try not to turn this into a fight. As for smashing the glass on the wall, I don't know you so have no idea if you are usually so temperamental. If this is not you then carefully look at your behaviour to see if you are struggling with bonding with the baby or feeling depressed or anything like that. Postpartum blues are also common among new mothers. Remember that just like you are a new mother, he is also a new father. Child care for most (not all) new fathers does not come as naturally as it does to mothers. This is because of the hormones that women release throughout pregnancy and during delivery that make it more instinctive to know what the baby needs (eg. Oxytocin). So while new fathers can learn, it takes twice the time as it did for you and a lot of practice and stumbling and false starts; a patient and FLEXIBLE partner is an asset during this time. I wish you and your family all the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioneyeswideopen - the thing is my son only seems to sleep from 11pm until 9/10am, hes awake all day, the only time i get to sleep is between them times now and its not like my fiance even goes to work for long at the momment :(
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 March 2010):
I always did the night feedings with my three kids because I wasn't working and could take a nap during the day when the babies did. But then my husband did get up and work 8+ hour days all week. If your fiance is the only one who brings home the bacon I guess your job is to fry it up.
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A
female
reader, kayla20 +, writes (11 March 2010):
tell him he has responsibilities and if he doesnt start being a dad then hel be leaving because your not prepared to be a single mum struggling while he stays in bed he has to pull his weight and help you out he made the child too and its tiring bringing a child up on your own.if he isnt going to help then theres no point being in a relationship with him
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (11 March 2010):
I quite agree with marieclaire. If he's not bothered, he can go live with his mum. Make sure you have some good friends and family around you and tell him to get his act into gear or get out.
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