A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My BF constantly accuses me of lying and is insistent that I have cheated on him on more than 1 occasion. In fact, I have never cheated on him. I don't know what to do to convince him. Now, he has "assumed" since he "knows" I have cheated on him that he is determined to cheat on me and probably already has. Is this relationship doomed or can we possibly make it? I love him very much and believe he loves me, but I'm not sure this is healthy and will make for a lasting relationship.Does it mean anything that the sex is the BEST I've ever had and that he is a very giving, generous person? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2010): Yes, it's doomed. He's overly jealous and vindictive. Do you really want to remain in a relationship with a man like that? It's not going to get any better. It will only get worse.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, "John8899". First of all, I must say you are very intellectual and articulate. As a matter of fact, your articulation and intellect remind me of my recent boyfriend whom has broken my heart without so much as an inkling of empathy.I believe you read more into my question than what was there.I said my boyfriend insists that I have and am cheating on him and constantly accuses me of such when, in fact, I have never cheated on him. So, you ask why I think he is cheating on me? Because, what started this whole breakup situation without getting too wordy is the day of Thanksgiving, he announces to me that he has "found someone else and is very happy now." As an objective party, what would you read into that comment?Yes, you are correct in saying there are 3 sides to every story. Yes, I have lied in the past and about my past which he pushed to know every little detail. "Hakuna matata" - leave your past behind you. I tried because I'm not proud of my past; unlike him, I've made many mistakes and paid dearly for them only to have him force me to relive them. In no way did I let it affect our current relationship. I have tried to learn from my mistakes, hoping to never make the same ones again. It is my belief stupidity is making the same mistakes over again.Respect is and should be mutual. Sometimes my boyfriend would totally degrade me sexually in bed. It made me feel I was being punished for all his anger and rage from his past and I was reliving the anger and rage I sometimes feel from my childhood and what my father did to me as a very young girl. My boyfriend was so worried about how he felt and that his self respect, dignity, pride and whatever else was being compromised without any consideration for what I was feeling.As for the feeling of unappreciation, I constantly told him how much I appreciated everything he does for me and my daughter. He is financially and physically more able than I to help out. I have tried to talk to him and he won't even acknowledge me. I recently texted him and told him I would never forget everything he has done for me and my daughter. I paid for the Thanksgiving food and he even took back the money he had previously given me to help out. And told me "what makes you feel you are entitled?" I don't necessarily give monetarily or materialistically. I give from my heart."No proof equals not guilty until proven otherwise." Thank you for that comment. I agree 1,000%! So, as a wise advisor, you concur that my boyfriend had absolutely no basis for his accusations.The bottom line is we are both extremely stubborn. He needs to be away from me - fine. I will go away at the advise of many who seem to know better than me since I'm too closely involved.My only fear is that based on my past experiences, the longer I am away from him the more my feelings for him will diminish NEVER to be rekindled. You can't make a person love you....if they even truly loved you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): Hes either hugely jealous and insecure or using a cowardly excuse to cheat on you. Depending on how long youve known him and how serious you both are. Why dont you speak to him and say before he goes off and does something silly. Will he put his money where his mouth is and simply finance a private lie detector test for you. Then he will see you are being honest with him. If hes really into you and wants things to work, it will be a small price to pay for peace of mind and an end to the accusations. If he isnt prepared to do that, then hes obviously not serious about you and im afraid you might have a manipulating cheater on your hands.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 December 2010):
Like the others, I think he's either cheated or he's looking for an excuse to cheat. To be honest, I wouldn't even bother trying to rescue this. This guy sounds like someone you shouldn't be around.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): Sounds like he just wants an excuse to cheat on you.
What a massive jerk
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (3 December 2010):
 Ask him why he thinks of you in such low regard that he would make such a serious accusation. Whatever the case, it seems rather illogical for him to cheat on you out of vengeance, does he really think that would solve anything? Your relationship would be in ruins.
I suggest talk to him and sort out your trust issues. Only he knows how to restore his own trust in you.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2010): This situation to me constantly shouts out to me that there is alot of insecurity in the relationship and dishonesty when it comes to trust, in your relationship you are missing the initial basis of what a relationship makes, no one can measure the real love tis man has for you but you because you are the only women who can make a concerned comment on those levels, however you both need to realise that the reason you both decided to get into a relationship is to to value manoghamy, my comment to be for real is to tell him to stop being so immature and start puttin some boundaries in your relationship because a broken heart relationship doesnt help anybody and if he really wants to save this relationship as much as you do realise your love for each other means much more that any pety trust issues, you need to allow him to make the first step because if he doesnt take the lead on this issue it may never be resolved because he may not be willing to listen otherwise. ALL RELATIONSHIPS go through rough patches be prepared.
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female
reader, MsVick +, writes (3 December 2010):
 This doesn't sound healthy at all and it makes me wonder if HE has already been cheating. A lot of times when a person is messing around on their partner they will accuse the partner of doing things that they themselves are gulity of. Sex is no base for a relationship it just will not last once the sex has cooled off.
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