A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My partner used to physicaly and mentaly abuse me. it became worse during my pregnancy , and i miscarried. After this he became better for a while and has only hit me twice in serious arguments. i still can't get over how he treated me and even though he is good now, it still affects the relationship. should i end the relationship? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, N91 +, writes (4 May 2011):
ABSOLUTLEY YES!!
What man abuses the woman he loves? And the fact that you lost a child because of it??? What did you tell your family and friends the reason that you lost the child?
This man is poison and doesn't deserve you, a gf/wife should be treated like a princess, not beaten and be made worthless!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): You're telling us that he has killed your baby inside your womb. I have worked in a maternity and I can tell you, you could have bled to death. You should not only break up with him but put him in jail for murder attempt and violent abortion. (Is that even a real question here or just a troller?)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2011): "he only hit me twice in serious arguments" those were serious arguments so you must have deserved to be hit those times?! OMG get a grip! this makes me so angry.You are young you have no ties with this guy, and its not like we live back in the stone age when women had to actually put up with this, so get the hell away from him. He also killed your unborn child!!! why would you even have to consider ending this?Get away from him and get yourself some self assertive classes because you have major issues if you allow yourself to be treated like this.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (3 May 2011):
 Yes, yes, yes. If you have the strength to, yes. He killed your child. His own child. By not respecting or loving you. By allowing himself to abuse you. Leave him. He is a bad person.
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A
female
reader, KeighleySky +, writes (1 May 2011):
 Honey you should have left him the first time he hit you. I'm surprised it didn't click when you happened to miscarry your baby after he abused you. Just think it got worse when you were pregnant what will happen the next time you get pregnant? You should have left him a long time ago. This man is not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you happen to do you think he will keep his abusiveness to just you? i think if you ever have children he may hit them too.I think you should just move out, maybe to your parents place, or just a relatives until you get on your feet. He does not deserve you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): End it.Even if he apologizes profusely and sincerely and gives you the most beautiful promises to never do it again.Make sure you have a safe place to stay and trusted friends who know exactly what has happened.This is one of those black-and-white situations--please don't linger any more in the so-called gray area. Like the others have said, once was too many.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): Yep. You should end the relationship. He's violent, even if it is less often. He hasn't changed. Circumstances have changed and he may have fewer triggers these days. When life tosses him another setback, you'll see just how much he hasn't changed.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 May 2011):
 Ah well, if he only hit you twice then...
OF COURSE you have to end the relationship ! ONCE was more than enough !
It does not matter if now the relationship is good, because there is no relationship anymore. It crumbled down with his first blow.
Hitting is the ultimate dealbreaker. It means there is no love, no compassion, no respect, and no trust , what kind of relationship you can have without all that ?
You don't have a relationship anymore,- you just have a bad,dangerous habit.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (1 May 2011):
 Why on earth are you still with him? If he hit you only once ever, you should leave him. "Only hit twice" it twice too many. He will keep hitting you. It will get worse. Will your death be the only thing that gets you to your senses?
He's not better if he "only hit you twice".
Right now, your connection to him is like heroin. You know you should be done with him, but you can't make yourself break away. This is when you need to get help, professionally or with some good friends who I bet want to see you away from him. I'm guessing you had a bunch of friends before you met him, and he's isolated you from them.
Get away from him, and take it a step further. Don't even associate with him, go where he goes, or communicate in any way. The only way you can do this is cold turkey with lots of support from friends, family, and maybe a therapist to help you cope.
Never let a guy put his hands on you. Not ever. Never. Once is break up time. No second chances. Ever.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (1 May 2011):
 Yes. You cannot continue to lessen the amount of damage he did to you. what's worse is that he struck you while you were pregnant. What future do you see for this relationship?
You might think he is better now but you can never be sure. Abusers will always hurt you. I assume he isn't really seeking any sort of help for his behavior? I also assume he makes excuses and tries to shift the blame on to you.
You can't let him control you if he does, you might think it is better but it isn't. Just leave him now.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, curiosity1103 +, writes (1 May 2011):
YES!! Should this even be a question?? I know that it is hard to say good bye to someone you love- but if they do not treat you with the utmost respect you deserve (and trust me you do) then you need to leave him!!!
I was in a mentally abusive relationship and finally broke up with him... 2 weeks later I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant... Even though he tried to get back with me I told him no- because I didn't want that for me and my soon to be son...
Also- I have always told my boyfriends- "the first time you ever hit me is the last time you will ever see me"
I hoped this helped...
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