A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My ex dumped me a few years back. We were together a long time. It got really bad at the end. He ended up getting a restraining order against me because i would follow him, (not proud of that). Anyway, we bumped into each other last year. It was nice to talk again. He said he couldn't call me because he's now married and his wife looks at his phone, but that i could call him. He also has gone as far as to tell me when his days off, so i don't accidently call when he's with his wife. My question is: what is he looking for?? a booty call??? confused!!
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 October 2012):
 OF COURSE he's looking for a booty call!!! Are you content to go through the heartbreak of hanging with this guy (again).... and then having you and him "found out" by his new wifey.... and going through another "break up"... when he has to tell you that his wifey doesn't want him fooling around with you (or, his other girl(s), as well)???
Good luck...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2012): Honestly, I would just leave him alone, and delete his number. Nothing good can come of you being in contact with him again. By the way, the story about why he can't call you is bull. He wants you to do all the calling so that if he gets caught by his wife, he can just tell her you're back to stalking him, and make you sound crazy. And the restraining order he filed against you will make her believe him all the more. He'll be completely off the hook while you'll be made a fool of.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (4 October 2012):
 I don't think he is deliberately trying to set you up or hurt you. I mean that he is too focussed on what might be good for him to consider the harm it may cause you (or his wife) down the road.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (4 October 2012):
The others are right, but I like Honeypie's answer in particular. She sums it up and I think she's dead on. His wife checks his phone because she has reason not to trust him. If she doesn't then why should you?He has undoubtedly told her about you and the acrimonious break up. If you call him and he gets caught not only will he claim you're pursuing him, but that restraining order will make his story seem more plausible. She won't trust him, but you will make an easier target for her outrage. Whatever his motives I don't think they are innocent or decent and strolling down memory lane is likely to stir up strong feelings again. Just stay away from him. You had a nice visit, so leave it at that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2012): yeah he's just looking to use you, and he knows you will come running because the last time when you two broke up you were all over him following him around so he thinks you're only too happy to pursue him now. just leave him alone and move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 October 2012):
 I would honestly STOP talking to him. He wants YOU to call HIM, so he will look "innocent" if his wife checks up on him...
The fact that his wife checks his phone kinda shows she doesn't trust him.. doesn't it?
And if he dumped you WHY would you want to waste your time with him now? Now that he is married?
It makes no sense. He is NOT a friend. He is an EX.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (3 October 2012):
Maybe he does just want to use you, or perhaps his marriage is in trouble and he wants some-one to talk to. Without actually calling him and hearing directly from him what he wants, you’re not going to know, but you’re better off not getting involved in any case. He should concentrate on his marriage; there’s no way back for both of you as a couple so the best thing is to wish each other well and go your separate ways.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (3 October 2012):
 My advice to you is WHATEVER he's looking for - and it may well be a booty call - you should not call him and in fact you should consider that while it was good to catch up with him JUST THIS ONCE, let that be a final end to it.
He's married. End of story.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (3 October 2012):
 i think that you should leave him alone, you have had alot of heartache in the past with him, and i feel if you start contact with him again its only going to lead to more heartache further down the line.
Why does his wife wheck his phone? in a trusting relationship/marriage there would be no need to even contemplate checking your partners phone so there is obviously some sort of distrust there. I think that if you hooked up with him it will lead to an affair, you will end up as the bit on the side, or mistress, seeing him at times when are convienient for him, and he can slip back to the marital bed when he is done. I would nip this in the bud now and abolish contact with him and save yourself future heartache.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 October 2012):
 It really is hard to tell what he is looking for. It could be a case that he cares about you and just wants to stay in touch, or you could be right he might just be looking for a quick hook up. I would lean more against the hook up. Why I think this is because well when you both broke up he knew you where mad about him, it drove him to get a restraining order, so this alone told him you wanted to be with him to an excess. So to want you to call him now, this leads me to think he thinks he will get an easy hook up with you as he knows you used to want him so bad.
I am glad you enjoyed catching up with him last year, but please do the smart thing and leave him in the past. I know there might be a small part of you that hopes he still wants to be with you, but that really cannot be the case as he wanted you out of his life completely and is now married. I would suggest you do the right thing and delete his number and not call him, because if you do you will probably only get hurt again.
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