A
female
age
41-50,
*enate_78
writes:My fiance of 3 yrs broke up with me in June. He moved on a month later.We were together for eight years and there was cheating on both sides. His cheating resulted in a child. I forgave him, but what hurt me was all the lying. I was blamed for him not being in his child's life, for not having photos of her in our home. I did at times get angry and throw what he did in his face, and make him feel bad and I apologised for that. I never meant for him to feel worse about what happened. His child lives in the same city as my parents and I went home once a month to see them and he would never come and I got blamed for that too.Last year, out of fear I called the police on him, which I was blamed for. We were amazing for 3 yrs after it happened and last year it when to hell.I miss him, and I blame myself entirely. He was my best friend, my life. I loved him more than anything. I just wanted to feel respected, and an equal. There is no excuse for cheating and lying but I was tired of being the scapegoat. I would never deny that child her father, and the fact that he said that hurt me. I wanted to meet her and he refused, stating that I would start something with the mother, which I would never do.Due to money issues, stress, guilt and illness, we only had sex once a month and there was no romance. That was my fault.I don't know what to do. I know it's over, but I can't seem to move on. He has why can't I?
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female
reader, Senate_78 +, writes (14 November 2009):
Senate_78 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, but I wasn't a perfect angel. I took off a couple of times and didn't come home. When we fought I threw that he had a child when he cheated on me in his face. I didn't quit smoking like he asked and he said I made it my priority. I did quit numerous of times and in 2006, after we got engaged I quit for nearly two years.I wasn't intrested in the bedroom, I was stressed, tired and I couldn't be bothered. He tried really hard there.I was distant and cold and I wasn't my open, bubbly loving self. I shut down really, turned everything off and I wanted to work on myself, but I guess I went about it the wrong way. I wanted us to do things together, have fun. It's all gone and it's too late. He was my best friend and I loved him and like an ass I threw it away.He wanted me to move away with him albehit into his parents house, I got scared. I didn't say no but I didn't do anything either.I am happy that he has someone, but I wish I was stronger in myself.
A
female
reader, april1116  +, writes (13 November 2009):
 honey i know your hurt, but if you dont move on i twill wind up killing you. and that sorry sucka wants you to believe its all your fault hun its not, its the both of you alls fault and you should really move own In my heart i believe he didnt love you from the git go i mean if you truly love someone then you should stick around and figure you alls situation out, cause love would make you do that and he moved on in just a month, sorry but that is not the true definition of love so please dry your tears and put on some make up and fix your hair and get back in the game cause the world doesn't stop cause you have a broken heart. now clean yourself up and get in there, AND SOMEBODY WHO APPRECIATES YOU AND TRULY LOVES YOU
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (12 November 2009):
It wasn't your fault at all. He cheated and fathered a child with another woman. All right, you cheated out of revenge, but it sounds to me like you might be a lot better off without him if he has the nerve to blame you for not being involved with his child. He moved on because he'd left the relationship a long time ago. It will take you a lot of time to get over this, but you will. You need to focus on yourself now. STart rebuiding your confidence again and take your time. Stop blaming yourself when he has hurt you so much. If you really are feeling depressed, speak to a therapist who can give you the help you need. You can move on, but it will take time. All the best.
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A
female
reader, fairytail +, writes (12 November 2009):
 Its never easy to move on when you still have feelings for that person. I think thier was a trust issue mostly because of both of you cheating on each other. Its best that you do move on. Its just hurting you even more if you dont. I would also suggest a good therapist too.. good luck :)
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