A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi, am a 37 yeas old woman never been married am in a relationship with a married man 4 years ago. we are both really in love. he has a 5 year old boy and has been married for 10 years but he doesn't love her. he says there is nothing keeping him with her except his child. I really want him to be only mine i want to have baby but he won't. We started a big business together. He is giving me everything I want...but am always feeling something is missing. i want him completly mine if anyone can help me. I' ll be so grateful. thank u.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): I'm so sorry for your situation. Everyone says "if he truly loves you and truly doesn't love his wife he wouldn't stay just for his child." well, that's not always true. I think it's very possible that he really does love you and not his wife
Most men have very low emotional intelligence. They think that leaving the wife if they have a child is the worst thing a man can ever do. They don't think that it is BETTER to be honest and divorce their wife if they don't love her - no, all they think about is worry about their self-image and reputation. They are concerned their friends and coworkers and family will say "oh he left his wife, he has no concern for what divorce does to his children, what a scum!" that is his overriding concern.
Thus he is trapped by fear. It can truly be that he really loves you and really doesn't love his wife. But in the end he weighs the pros and cons: his love for you versus losing his reputation and the respect of his community and he can't give up the latter.
I don't know if you can do anything except maybe point him to articles on the web about how staying in a loveless marriage just for the sake of the children is NOT doing the children any favors. Maybe if he sees that divorcing is not going to be the end of the world for his child, he will have more courage to do it.
A
female
reader, Natalie:)  +, writes (15 November 2010):
 Don't do it. Tell his wife what he has done.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): Do you know how many married men use the line "i'm only staying with my wife because of the kids"? He's never going to leave her, ok?
Don't you feel guilty for sleeping with a married man who has a child? How do you think that child would feel if his daddy ran off with his bit on the side, because that's what you are i'm afraid.
Why would you want to be with a cheat let alone have his children? If by some miracle he left his wife, which he won't, he'd do the same thing to you, don't think you're better than his wife or different because he'll cheat on you too. Heck, he probably has more than you on the side.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 November 2010):
 Off course there is something missing, he is not yours and if am honest sweetie your just someone he goes to for sex and a bit of fun on the side, if he hasnt left his wife at this stage he never will, its silly to stay with someone you dont love for the sake of a child at the end of the day he would be better off happy and getting joint custody of his child than being in an unhappy relationship, am sorry i think this is just an excuse on his behalf and if he is cheating on his wife then who's to say if he did leave her he wouldnt do the same to you, he is a player and if you are wanting to have a man of your own and settle down with a child then you are going to need to get rid of him, if you dont want to do this then you will just need to accept that you are always going to be the other woman, his dirty little secret.
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A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (15 November 2010):
 I'll help you.
First of all, he is MARRIED. That means he's off-limits to you and to any other (and all other) women.
Second, if he's been married ten years and is telling you he's only staying with his wife because of their child, and that he doesn't love her - DON'T BELIEVE A WORD OF IT! I mean it: this man is telling you a story. If he REALLY didn't love his wife, and loves you instead, don't you think he would have left her, obtained a divorce and married you by now? There is such a thing as joint custody when two people split up and have a child, you know.
He may be giving you everything you want - EXCEPT the one thing, the most important thing you want, and that's a full commitment to you, no reservations, no wife in the background.
Sorry, but its not going to happen.
He is not, and will not ever be "completely yours."
Do yourself a favor and dump him fast. Mourn and grieve some, certainly, be angry about it, and take time to be on your own to learn from this experience and to recover from it. Hopefully by the time you've worked through all that, and it will take some time - you will meet a man you can love and who can love you back, completely, and with no reservations.....
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