A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:And it has caused me to withdraw emotionally from the relationship. I do loving things for him and behave in loving ways, but the feeling isn't there anymore and that makes me sad. I don't want us to split up, but I'm stuck. I don't enjoy sex w/ him anymore and I often find myself running out of things to say to him.What can I do to reconnect with him? We've done vacations and date night and the effects of that don't last long for me. I am seriously stuck and saddened at how my feelings have transformed.He is head over heels in love and I'm not there anymore. I want to be. What can I do to feel emotionally connected to him and bring back the closeness?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for taking the time to answer my question. I appreciate the varying perspectives. Part of the problem is that I can't let go of some of the things he's said to me in the past when we've argued. Yes, I've said hurtful things as well, and he has forgiven me. I just rehash them in my head and get upset all over again. He's apologized, is sincere and SHOWS me how much he loves me.
Then there are the things that have caused me to lose a little respect for him -- behaviors that aren't catastrophic by any stretch of the imagination to most -- but do affect how I feel and that's what's important.
I guess I'm at the point where I trying to accept the things I don't like and weight the good against the bad. The good far outweighs the bad, but...
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 October 2009):
You need to get to know each other again. It's great to go on holiday, but you need to spend actual time together. What was it that made you fall in love wth him? If you find yourself not able to answer that, then maybe it's time to move on.
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A
male
reader, LessonsLearned +, writes (1 October 2009):
How's your self esteem? Do you have a history of pushing people away when they try to get too close to you? You're no spring chicken anymore, do you find it hard to love someone that loves you back? You need to be sure your not pushing him away because of a fear of intimacy. I only bring up your age because most women in your demo are grateful to find a guy who loves the heck out of em. If thats the case, then the only thing he can do to get your feeling like you used to is to dump you. If you have a pattern (or your friends think you have a pattern) of fear of intimacy, get counseling and keep the BF.
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