A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid:I'm hoping someone out there will have some advice for me.This may seem like a stupid question to you, but a good friend of mine has made friends with someone who I feel very uncomfortable with. This person is a very cliquish person. I feel very intimidated by her. How do I handle the situation? Do I respond by saying something negative to my friend? "So, since you are such big buddies with Sally,". . . Or would it be best to ignore with situation? Do I try to be extra chummy with my friend, or do I keep my distance and make her work harder for my friendship? What should I do in the best interest of hers and my friendship? I do not want to ruin our friendship. At the same time, you know how I feel regarding this other person.Can someone give me some advice in general on connecting with people? This person who is befriending my friend seems very smart with people. I notice her trying to match however my friend is acting, changing her personality, practically, to match that of the other person's. Has anyone had any training on this? I appreciate any advice and help that you could give me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2009): How do you reply to someone who has responded to your question?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2009): Hey, i've not had any training in this particular area but it has happened to me (a few times =S). The best way to deal with it is to either talk it over calmly with your friend, telling her that you don't want to ruin your relationship with her but you need more time to get to know 'sally' and that you'll try your best to get on with her. This way your friend can see that you respect that she has made a new friend and if you attempt to get on with her, it will show that your determined to remain in a strong relationship. Worked for me and now im better friends with my version of your 'sally' then i was with my original friend
Hope this helps xx
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A
female
reader, DocSyntonic +, writes (1 October 2009):
I think this is a good question. How do you feel about this other person is where you start. You said you are intimadated. Why? What bells are going off? What do you mean by cliquish? Are you afraid of exclusion, similar to high school past experiences? Are you afraid this person is trying to isolate your friend and than abuse her?
When you consider yourself a true friend you try to look out for your friend. A trait confidence men and women use is acting like, sounding (expressing similar ideas)like, and adopting their potental victum's mannerism to get that person to trust them and only them. Your last paragraph seems to indicate this. At this point in time it is an hypothesis. You will need to collect data.
Openly collect this data by going to visit your friend with a viedo camera. Not telling her you are collecting data but rather you want home-movies to preserve how she and you look now. Watch and listen to the interactions at many different events. Do not try to regulate the situation. Be the person you have always been. Be supportive but consistant. If asked a direct question about this other person, a possible answer is "You are an adult; I do not choose who you wish to have around. Is there something bothering you about her?" Otherwise do not give advise. People with bad intentions "given enough rope" usually hang themselves. They have to sustain an act(some can for greater than 2 years). Meanwhile you have documentation for later. If your friend does become abused, call the Division of Aging and ask for help. Doc.Syntonic
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