A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a fiancé whose main points are he doesn't snore, do porn, watch cricket or sports fanatically, tries hard to be attentive, doesn’t womanise or socialise with the boys as he prefers to be with me, doesn’t gamble or waste money, drinks occasionally, sexually compatible, loyal and works hard.BUT through a short period of time after we got engaged I began to notice a change - he’s DULL as dishwater when you talk to him and never gives me support in my battles and takes the other persons side over mine, regardless! He argues over the smallest of things which upsets our household harmony. But manages to apologise after the damage is done… Sort of like the villain and then Superman in one? He’s a blamer of others; has excuse after excuse for his mistakes and never sees how he contributes to those situations other than to say; he doesn’t do it intentionally or they deserved it! I’m tied of all the excuses and as we are presently engaged I want out! Or should I just over look these things and concentrate on his good points and wither away into someone like him?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 Familiarity may breed contempt's.
Take a break ! Have a Kit Kat and enjoy life. Look at him from another girl's perspective . Maybe you may see something which you have missed about him.
List his good and bad points and then ponder hard.
Don't look at the saw dust in his eyes when you have planks in yours. Before you see others mistakes, look at your ownself .
If you want him to change, you will have to change your attitude towards him.
You could suggest interesting things to do together rather than wait for him to initiate it.
Good guys are wimps, boring and predictable ..LOL!
Bad guys can give you those challenges, high adrenalin escapes and surprises.
A
female
reader, Weramazing  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 hiNo one is perfect and everyone has things that need to be worked on. Despite your complaint he sounds live a very decent man I think lots of women wish there partner had the qualities he has.You need to have a calm talk with him addressing the problem you have and the part of him you don't like.Tell him you think he is a great partner in many ways but sometimes when he behaves the way you have stated it upsets you and pushes you away from him.I think a kind conversation kindly asking him to try and work on these things is all that's needed.Don't mention breaking up don't even tell him it crossed your mind but make your feelings clear.Don't bottle things up and communicate. He sounds decent enough to work on things that need to be worked on.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010): You don't say how long you've been together. I'd be a bit worried because of the stuff about arguing over small things and blaming other people for things ... this could turn into him verbally abusing you later and blaming you for everything and it could affect your self esteem and mental health. He sounds a bit like my ex but in the end the arguing and lack of self awareness drove everyone mad, his ex, myself, his kids, my kids. You need to sort this out before taking the big plunge of marriage. If he wants to change and is genuinely self aware it could be ok, otherwise you could be in for a miserable time and no amount of working hard, being faithful and not watching the sports is going to make up for the damage that an emotionally damaged insecure person can do to you. In fact, I would rather my ex watched a bit of sport and went out with his friends occasionally cos that would suggest a more rounded person with a life other than just with me! As long as it's not in excess a life outside the relationship can be a healthy thing. I think it's all about balance really .. Yes I would be wary about the argumentativeness (sounds like a bit of a control freak?) and refusing to take any responsibility and always blaming other people (insecurity, lack of self awareness, weakness). Maybe you should talk to a counsellor about this. It's hard to say without knowing some more detail. Has he ever sworn and shouted at you?? What sort of things does he argue about?? Does he criticise you and put you down or is it just general ninny type moaning and attention seeking??
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010): Agree relationships are about compromise! However, that comes after the first waves of love and mutual lust. If issues have already surfaced then for the sake of you both it is time to say 'farewell', look elsewhere.
Compromise you must but only when you feel the relationship is right for you!
Very best
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010): It would b better to get someone else without his good points because u sound like the type who needs keepin on her feet. Is there anythin he would change about you or hasnt that crossed ur mind? Better stop here before i get the argumentative tag put on me. Get a bad boy if u r bored.
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A
female
reader, billy bilou  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 You only really know a person when you start living with the latter. Now that you are married and sharing your life, you are begining to see how your fiancé is as a real person.
You do not seem to like at all certain aspects of his personality. You are already tired of all his excuses and I doubt if this will change in the future. If you see you cannot handle these aspects of his personality, then you may consider breaking the relationship or talk to him. If he changes, then you can carry on with the relationship. Give him more chances
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A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 I think that relationship are about compromise and taking the good with the bad. Nothing and no one is perfect. It's easier to overlook the good and concentrate on the bad.
What you have to ask yourself is whether the good outweighs the bad. You need to make a choice. Is it worth staying or are his 'faults' too much for you to handle?
You could leave him now and look for someone else...but there are no guarantees, and it's very unlikely, that you'll find someone who you like a 100%...even if they're 99% wonderful, you will start to think about the missing 1%. It's just the way our minds work.
But then again, if you're not happy and cannot see things improving, or you cannot compromise, then consider your other options.
But if what you've said about him in the first paragraph is true, he sounds like a good guy. Don't throw him away too easily. In the end it's about what you're willing to handle and compromise on. Do you have annoying habits, does he find some things about you unattractive? It goes both ways.
Best of luck :)
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