A
female
age
41-50,
*IERIN
writes:My BF is going for a Bachelore party next month - yeah,that doesnt sound like a big deal to you guys, but to me - I AM GOING NUTS! I don't agree with Strip clubs at all. I don't unerstand why guys go there. To me its the biggest disrespect to the woman you are with.I told him that and he said, he will not go there anymore (he use to before we met) because he doesnt want to hurt me, but unfortunately for me ... this is his cousins wedding, and he has to go there (and I am sure he want's to)I don't know how could I get over this Bull ... I know I am acting stupid.I know my BF loves me and he wouldn't do anything stupid.I know strip clubs are just meat markets ... But I still feel very wierd about it.Can anybody make my life easier and help me ... I just don't know what to do What am I affraid off? That my BF will see all those naked girls - while he is telling me I am the only one! That he will see them thinking "Oh, too bad my GF doesnt have boobs like this one" ... and I just feel soooooo sad,upset,sorry for myself and I just don't understand ... and don't know what to do.I am affraid that while he will go to Las Vegas for the weekend ... I will get pissed .. not pick up the phone when he calls and than when he comes back I will try to keep distance between us - something like punishing him for what have he done to me (that he went to see other woman) - I know it sounds insane ... but I seriously feel like that and I dont know what to do with myselfThanks all of you for your help !!!!!!!
View related questions:
boobs, cousin, stag , wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (13 September 2007):
LIERIN is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for your help and support ... specialy India ... love the add ... really helped me a lot . I trust him, and I know he loves me ... at the end he will come back to me all horny after seeing all those naked butts .. hahahaha
I strip for him myself .. I am very comfortable w myself too .. so what am I affraid off?? You are all right ..
I will go see some male strippers ... good idea !!
THX to all of you again
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (13 September 2007):
 Let me tell you, as a former employee of the adult dancing maket, those girls are not after your man. They have no interest in your man or any of the men in there. To them, your man is a big ol' $$ money sign.
There's no need to be threatened by strippers. It's just a job. Most of the girls there don't have killer bods or anything, they're just the girls who are comfortable taking off their clothes.
Trust your boyfriend if he is trust worthy (since he can't get out of this anyway, right? It is his cousin, after all), and while he's out - you go have a fun time with your girlfriends. Get drinks, chick flicks and ice cream and have a blast all night. Why don't you and your girlfriends go out to a MALE strip club? I think that'd only be fair.
Anyhow, sweetness... good luck, and stay strong.
xxIndia
...............................
A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (10 September 2007):
 Hi,
Whilst I understand that you feel vunerable because of this situation, I think I would as well.
If you have ever been to a strip club you would have seen that this is definatly not a pulling place.
I recently went on Holiday with my boyfriend to Amsterdam. I had never been to a sex show, or strip club before. And I can honestly say it was a real eye-opener. But not in the way I thought it would be. Yes you do see girls with nice figures, and men learing over them, usually so drunk they can hardly stand, but the girls dont want to know. They see it as a job, and thats all. Its very unlikely your boyfriend will would get off with one of them. And why would he want to he has you.
Trust is very important in a relationship, and you must give him the benifit of the doubt, even though you may hate it.
And dont forget, he has the worry of you being left behind. Its not all one sided is it?.
I am sure you will be fine, just let him go and have a good time, and make loads of plans so you will be busy while he is away.
P.S Dont sit there waiting for his calls, but dont ignore them either.
Tellulah XX
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): just reading your article about your man going to a strip club,i must admit i am not happy about mine going either but at the end of the day if you trust him and love him whats the problem!!!its you he will be comming home to.its a lad thing they like to oggle dont take it to heart.
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (9 September 2007):
 HiYes they can be. But good for you. Let this one go. Its not like its something hes kept from you, and he has very little choice and you sound a strong woman telling him if he goes to anymore your over. You sound like you mean it too! That makes a change with people!Nice one.C xxxxx
...............................
A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (9 September 2007):
LIERIN is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am so comfused right now...
I mean .. I know the girls are not ALL THAT ... but I still feel, that he will wish I was like them ...
Anyway ... I can't and I won't do anything about him going there ... its his cousin .. he is going w his friends .. he would look like a stupid idiot, if he didnt go cause his little girlfriend told him not to ...
He knows How I feel about it ...
And I told him, that if I ever find out, he goes there on regular baces w his friends (not cause of bachelore party) than I AM DONE W HIM
And BTW ... I think every bachelore party is like that no? And I know Bachelorette parties are even worst ...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007): If my boyfriend went to a strip club, for ANY reason, we'd be done. I don't tolerate that crap and you shouldn't either if it bothers you! If your guy really loved and respected you, he wouldn't go to a strip club no matter what. Obviously he's choosing his cousin over you.I don't care what these other people think, I totally believe that seeing other naked women, in person, is cheating.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): I agree with the poster who says your wrong to put up with this....I have read the research link and have seen other research like it...shes rights...he needs to respect you and you should demand it
...............................
A
female
reader, Courtney_ann +, writes (31 August 2007):
 Who ever posted the last to posts is ridiculous. I live in the US too, and the other poster is right-the girls are not all that (just average). I have been there with my boyfriend and actually had fun. I have been to the guy clubs too (they take themselves way too seriously). Honestly, it is a stupid bachelor party, and even if you don't agree with it-please be mature about it. Don't call him every 5 seconds while he is gone and become known as the Crazy girlfriend in front of his family. It is his cousins night, not your relationships night to be in drama. He isn't going to want those girls, he'll want to come home and be with you! Good Luck Courtney
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): have fun when he touches you naked next and is wishing and dreamin your were one of those strippers.....trust me he will look at your boobs and body and comare them to the strippers....there is even research to show that men do that.heres the linkhttp://www.abc.net.au/science/news/stories/2007/1881621.htm
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): sorry but if you are going to put up with this you've got no guts of self respect!
...............................
A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (29 August 2007):
LIERIN is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank's all of you for your help! I know my BF loves me and I hope this is the only time,he will go there ... cause next time, I wont be that nice about it anymore.Nice day to all of you
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): Dump him. One of those answers which started AAAAWWWWW made it sound like you would upset him to show that he should not follow the herd. That is no excuse, it is pathetic. He can go, sure he can, but not when he has a girlfriend who feels like you. You absolutely do not have to go along with this. Your beliefs are yours and when you feel so strongly nobody should tell you that it is unreasonable.
If he is making you this unhappy and has morals so far from your own then you are not a compatible match. If he doesn't go and tries to make up with you, says he will never even think about this type of thing again, he loves you (but don't suggest anything he will have to come up with this himself or he will moan to his friends that you won't let him. He will then be the sorry hen pecked one).
If you finish with him and he goes, forget it. It certainly did not upset him much if that is the case. I wonder how all the other girls are surviving this, I would not marry a man who did this for a million$. Pathetic sleazy, cheap, dirt boxes and worse. Dump him, don't waste your valuable time.
As for letting it go by, if I did that I think I would want to vomit if my boyfriend tried to touch me afterwards. Yak, did he wash his hands first??!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): If this jerk things its acceptable to look at other women naked then he's a sleaze...simple tell him how you feel and let him make the choice...if he chooses to go dump him and find a man who respects you...let us know
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): Tell him you've been invited to a hen night and you are going to be off to see male strippers and one of the girls is threatening to hire a male escort. Check his reaction. If he doesn't seem bothered it may be that he doesn't see these kind of things as cheating opportunities - if he is then he clearly has a definite idea what can happen through his own guilty approach to it. Just an idea?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): I'd be furious! the fact he even went to strip clubs before you dated him would put me right of a guy!! anyway, If I was you I just keep calling him and give him a warning before he leaves, say if he does ANYTHING with a girl, you'll leave him. He's with his freinds in a diffrent country and he used to go to strip clubs...well good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): I would be freaking out too if I were you. You can never trust anyone too much.
My friend went away for like a week to his friends bachelor party and when he got back I asked him what they had done. And he told me that they hired hookers to sleep with all the guys at the bachelor party. And I asked him if the guy getting married had sex with a hooker and he said yes. (the reason he told me was because he was having sexual disfucntion and explained to me that he couldn't even get it up with the hooker.)
You can trust your bf all you want but if the guy getting married is capable of cheating on his soon to be wife, imagine all the other bachelors who aren't engaged? Imagine what they are capable of, your bf included?
Anyway, your bf is going to VEGAS. They are going to PARTY LIKE ANIMALS. And what happens in vegas stays in vegas. This is serious. If I were you I would call him every second.
And I dont blame you for ignoring his call and giving him the silent treatment.
...............................
A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (27 August 2007):
 Oops! Sorry I just noticed that it was your BF not your hubbie. Anyhoo I think its all still the same. He loves you and is sensitive to you. Let him be foolish once in a while, cause thats all this is. It has nothing to do with him comparing those barbies to you. Real men know the difference and he sounds like a good guy.
...............................
A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (27 August 2007):
I cant give advice about why guys go to strip clubs. Ive never been to one and since Ive gotten most of my youthful thrill seeking BS out of the way, I dont see ever going to one in the future. Thats just my opinion, I think its fine for other guys but just not for me.
That being said, I think you should as hlskitten so elequently put it "ride this one out". I mean think to your self about one of these places for just a second... Theres probably 100 drunk guys and 2 girls taking theyre cloths off. Do you really think any of those guys are going home with one of them? Do you really think that those 2 poor girls would have anything to do with those slobbering fools. As for the degradation of women I would lighten up on that a bit too. The only ones being degraded in that situation are the guys. I mean how utterly stupid does a guy have to be to shove dollar bills in a girls g-string knowing full well hes just going to go home to his hand that night. The girls do it willingly and probably make better money than the guys who drool on them. Frankly its probably the safest place your hubbie could go if you think about it. What could possibly happen other than a bad hangover and 50 dollars in ones down the drain! Wooohooo some stag party!
PS: I know Im being a little over the top but I think you get the point. Im sure hes going to come home glad to get some of the real thing :) and missing you dearly. Let him be foolish, hes probably doing it mostly for his friend. You know he loves you!
...............................
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (27 August 2007):
Hi
Awwwww its a tough one for your guy really cuz hes just gotta go with the flow, not really his fault. Unless he doesnt go, and thats not really fair on his cousin.
I can see where you're coming from too though because i wouldnt be totally comfy with it either!
But i think you are gonna have to ride this one out. Make yourself busy when hes there and be as strong as you can to get through it until he is back and arrange a time out together somewhere for as soon as he is back.
Wonder what the guys future wife feels about it too?
C xxxxx
...............................
|
