A
male
age
41-50,
*cm409
writes:Hi There people! Hi, my name is Brian and I am 24 years old. I don't really know how to start this, but basically my problem in life is that I have never met or known who my real dad is. The only vague details I know, through speaking to my nan, are his name, approx age, and that he has another child. My nan has also told me that he was in prison for sex offences and that he is not someone that I would like to meet. My nan also is pretty certain that he may have "done something" to my mum, that resulted in me being born. I do not like to use the word rape. These are things that I only found out just last year. The thing is, I do not know if he knows about me or what, there are so many unanswered questions, and these questions eat at me all the time. I know the easy answer to all of this is to speak to my mum about it, but that is pretty much impossible, I have tried before, but I get no information and an angry response, both from my mum and my mums boyfriend. Apart from the fact that I don't want to upset my mum, its also that the consequences of this discussion are that it could end up with me being thrown out the house, the last time we argued about this, I ended up living at my nans for 2 years. It is that much of a sore point for everyone. I live with my mum, her boyfriend, and their son (my half brother), and it is impossible for any of them to understand, as they all know who their mum and dads are. The fact of the matter is that not knowing who my dad is, never even have seen a picture or anything, is for me, like not knowing who I am. I mean, it is a fundamental part of me, and perhaps not a part I am proud of, but there is nothing I can really do about that. I sometimes have funny dreams about having my real dad, and it plays in my mind for the following day, it is very strange, it feels like this is somthing that goes deep inside me. Its silly things like seeing dads with their kids anywhere, will get me thinking and there is never a day that I dont think about it. There are very few people I talk to about this, because, untill fairly recently, I have gone along with, pretended, and let everyone belive that my "stepdad" is my dad and that everything is normal. I have never said that is the case, but I would feel like I have decieved them is I said anything now. There are a few people that know the truth, but very few, and they have been great in listening to me when I need to talk about anything, but there is really nothing that they can do to help me. I do not think that there is anything you can really do to help me either, but I just thought I'd email for advise on coping or...well....I don't know. It may be that you suggest something that I have not tried or that could help. I am sorry that this e-mail has gone on and on, believe me I have only scratched the surface, and could write a book, but I think that you get the picture of my situation from this e-mail. Thank you for your patience, and I hope that you can get back to me soon, with any advise or remidies you may have. Many Thanks Brian
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2007): I don't blame you for looking for you father but I feel sorry for your mother for god knows what he done to her.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (27 August 2007):
 You have every right to know about your Dad, good or bad. And I think with his name and approximate age you can discover quite a bit. It's a shame your mum won't talk to you about this but it just might be too painful for her. As you begin your research I just want to leave you with one thought, any man can father a baby but not every man can BE a father. Fatherhood requires much more than just sperm. Good luck.
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