A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:this may seem a bit like a dumb question but my boyfriend is gray/white at 30 and i'm finding it really a turn off and a bit embarrassing- how can i talk to him about it? because i think he needs to do something.I don't think i'm being unreasonable here, my bf and i always are honest with each other and if i cut my hair or colour it and he doesn't like it, he says so. if i wear sumthing he hates he tells me. i don't have a problem with this, because i don't mind my bf giving me his honest opinion and taking an interest in my clothes and it feels good to wear or do my hair in a way that he really finds hot. I'm not really that bothered what my boyfriend wears, but this really is ageing him!There is an age gap in our relationship- 8 years and we are happy together, but two years ago i started to notice my bf, going gray at his temples, and i laughed it off thinking oh its normal, so what all guys go gray in their late 30s right? But now my boyfriend's hair is practically WHITE at the sides. it looks dreadful. To make matters worse, he used to have a modern hairstyle and now has had it cut really short like a middle aged man! I see people staring at the white streak, because facially he looks really young still as though hes in his 20s and the colour is really draining on him and looks odd. People sometimes comment too, i've had people asking me if the "white haired guy" is my boyfriend, asking me if hes about 39! My boyfriend is a good looking guy and i think if he styled or coloured his hair or did something he'd look a whole lot better. but my bf is quite macho and i don't think 'hairstyles' are something he thinks he should be bothering with! i know it sounds quite shallow but it does bother me.I don't mind gray hair, if it looks appropriate to a guy's age, but white at 30 is SO not a good look. i want to be honest with him, and i want my bf to look his best, but how can i do it without hurting his feelings? :( Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): haha definetly agree with ask oldersister..if your starting to get turned off by him when it's just gray..imagine when it falls out..or he starts getting lots of wrinkles..or etc. it doesnt change who he is and more to the point it's natural..i for one cant wait for that moment because it would start to feel as if we are growing old together..which to me should be a good feeling!but you could always ask him to dye his hair but it could mean quite a blow to his ego..good luck
-michael
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): My mum asked my dad to dye his hair as it was going grey, my dad the most unvain man you could meet but he did it for my mum. I don't see anything wrong with you ASKING, I mean if he really didn't like something about you then he would tell you too.
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female
reader, Love_is_all_youu_need +, writes (1 May 2008):
 I understand your problem, but his hair doesn't change the person he is, does it? You still love each other and really that is all that matters. However, You could suggest to him having his hair dyed? If he refuses, have a hairdresser come around your house and do it for him! There isn't much you can do really, If he's happy with his hair then let him be! xxp.s. there's nothing horrifying about going grey at 30! My dad was the same.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2008): All I can say is that where I have hair on my head, it's grey, and I'm just about as smooth, suave and sophisticated as they come.
It's the way he is, and it's nature's way of letting everyone know he's a mature young *real* man.
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female
reader, lexilou +, writes (1 May 2008):
 If he's happy with it then you shouldnt let it bother you and sod what your friends think. My hubby had a bald patch when I met him its got a little bigger but as Im really short I dont see it very often so it doesnt bother me. The only thing I say to him is keep your hair shorter as its less noticeable and if you end up looking like a monk I will shave it all off!! If you were in your 30's you might be less embarrassed as you would expect him to be ageing. Be honest and say wow your hair has got so much whiter than when we met and ask him if he has thought of colouring it or does he like the look of it?? Just try not to hurt his feelings and be prepared for him to say its fine as it is. x
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reader, Susan Strict +, writes (1 May 2008):
 My partner has lots of grey in his hair, and it hasn't changed much since his mid-twenties just before I met him when it went like that. I think it looks rather distinguished (or is that "extinguished"?)
Seriously, I don't think too many people take much notice, but if it's bothering you then talk to him about it and get him to colour it. If it were my man and if it was really bothering me, I'd go out and buy the appropriate colour then just tell him: "come on, we're going to sort your hair out and make it look sensible", then lead him to the bathroom and get it sorted! That may not work for you, depending on how your relationship works - talking about it first and making him aware of how much it bothers you may be a better approach.
I would, however, suggest that you don't make it all sound too serious. He may already be secretly sensitive about it, and him being older than you may also be a sensitive point. You don't want to make it sound as though you are longing for a younger man. Maybe the time to broach the subject is just after particularly enthusiastic lovemaking when you've just made it clear that you've had a wonderful time and he's feeling like a young stallion?!!!! I don't know. You need to decide what will work in your relationship without upsetting him.
Good luck.
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reader, Aunt tilly +, writes (1 May 2008):
 You could try talking to him about in a nice way by finding out tactfully how he feels about. It maybe worrying him and he may not know what to do about himself. On the other hand he may not be bothered and quite like it some men do and they accept it, If thats the case then you may have to re-think how your going to cope with it, but if you love him so much you,ll get used to it I,m sure. I know you want to be honest with him but your honesty is about how you feel, so remember to be gentle if its a problem for him he may feel embarassed when the subject is brougth up. Good luck and I hope it turns out ok.
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