A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Do you think i should be mad at my boyfriend for this ?. He has been ill with flu for a few days, and it was my birthday yesterday, but he didn't meet up with me. I was supposed to go round to his house for a few hours. I wanted to go out somewhere with him for a few hours, but at first, he told me to go round to his house for a few hours. He sent me a text message yesterday saying that he was still really ill, and asked me to forgive him if he couldnt get out of bed when i went round there. I replied asking him if he still wanted me to go round there, or if he wanted to meet when he was better instead. He replied asking if we could meet today instead, and told me to have a happy birthday in the meantime, but then he said if i wanted to go and see him last night anyway, i could have. That confused me, because if he wanted me to go round last night, i don't know why he mentioned meeting the next day at first ?. Unless he was trying to be polite ? . I replied saying that i would meet him today instead, but told him to let me know if he wanted me to go round last night, if he was feeling ok then. He didn't ask me to go round last night though. I'm going to see him today, but i don't know whether to tell him that i was disappointed that i didn't see him yesterday,as it was my birthday?. The thing is, sometimes when i have been ill, i have still made an effort to go and see him , even just for a little while. I understand that he might not have felt up to it with him being ill, but i thought he would have put a little bit of effort in, as it was my birthday. I went out yesterday anyway with my family. He knew i was seeing my family in the day time. I was supposed to just see them for a little while in the day time though, then see him at night, but i ended up staying with them all day. I only planned to be with them after he said he was ill though. I really wanted to spend the whole day with him.I hope this doesn't sound confusing!. I don't think i should break up because of this, and i don't want to, because i love him a lot, but i'm still wondering if i should talk to him about it?. Maybe he thinks i enjoyed the day anyway, because i was with my family?. I know that he really has been ill though, because i saw him on Sunday, and he had started to feel ill then, so i dont think he was making it up because he didn't want to see me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2012): Yeah right.He told me two different things when i saw him yesterday.He said he had been ill but also that he thought birthdays were just another day and that people should be with their family and not their boyfriend on their birthday.And he was well enough to go into town yesterday and today !.And i was born prematurely,ok,and i'm sick of people telling me that i dont act my age!. They have said that ever since i was a child.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (18 May 2012):
 No, you should absolutely not discuss this with your boyfriend. There is nothing to talk about here. He was very ill and was unable to see you, but he did care enough to send you a warm birthday greeting with his apologies. To complain, even nicely, would make you look petty and insensitive.
To be honest, this question and the way it is written sounds like it comes, not from a grown woman, but from a teenage girl who cracks her gum and twirls her hair. Is the age given correct or was that a typo?
I'm going to hazard a guess that you often have trouble with people interrupting you and not taking you seriously. The reason is because you use far too many words to make a simple point, probably talk too quickly and you're overly repetitive (for a few hours, for a few hours, for a few hours...just a little while, just a little while, just a little while). You seem to have a lot of nervous energy.
Stop, breath, think about what you're going to say, use fewer words and speak more slowly. You'll be be seen and heard as an adult instead of dismissed as a young girl.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2012): Why would you be mad at him? HE WAS SICK and still is... I think you need to cut him some slack and see if he is ok.
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A
male
reader, Mr. Y  +, writes (17 May 2012):
You are thinking that he feels that you were enjoying on your b'day while he was sick.There is one principle of life which comes to my mind.We always think that the other person is living his life to the fullest when he is with his friends/relatives. And so we feel that we were not missed.The reason for above is that a person holds a sense of responsibility towards his friends/relatives as well as towards his/her bf/gf.He is supposed to attend all his responsibilities equally well.But while attending one responsibility,he may not be able to attend the other.So,the other one feels neglected.There is no solution for this feeling.It is bound to occur by the laws of nature. So, I conclude that you shouldn't breakup with him and be with just like you were with him earlier
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 May 2012):
 Do you know that people die from the flu every day? It’s very very very serious. He sent a text and wished you a happy birthday. That’s more than I could have done with the flu.
A cold is a bit ill. I’ve had the flu twice in my life. (I’m 52) Both times I prayed to die. The flu if it’s truly the flu is a horrible illness where you can barely move.
He probably feels horrible that he had to cancel on you as it is. You dumping more guilt on him will just make it worse. I would tell him you were SAD and MISSED him but you darn well BETTER be understanding about him being too ill to spend your birthday with you. Besides do you really want to be exposed to all those lovely germs?
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (17 May 2012):
I don't really think there is anything to talk about.
He was ill on your birthday so arranged to see you when he was better.
You had your birthday with your family.
The site says you are aged 26-29.
I don't know what it is that you actually want to talk to him about? Unless it's just to tell him that you wanted to see him on your b'day but understand that you couldn't because he was ill. I don't understand why the notion of breaking up with him was even floated, even though you say you won't, I can't see why it would even come onto the horizon.
Incidentally, if you have felt ill in the past but made an effort to see him, you should consider whether you have made too much effort in doing this sort of thing. No reasonable person would expect the other to see them if they are ill and stuck at home, and I'm sure your bf wouldn't want you to make yourself worse by seeing him when you're not well.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 May 2012):
 Being sick and having the flu are completely different things. You're being totally unreasonable and clingy. I understand it's your birthday, but he's sick with the flu! Have you ever had the flu? It can feel like being hit by a truck. Often a person is lucky when they have it to even be able to stand up let alone go out and party.
You're reading way way way too much into his wording on this text. He could have either been saying "I'd prefer to just see you when I'm feeling better" or he could have been hinting he wanted you to come take care of him. Either way, he was not doing anything wrong.
People get sick sometimes and they have to cancel plans. Sometimes those plans are birthdays and holidays. It sucks, but it happens and you need to stop blaming him for being sick and get on with your life. I can't believe you're actually considering dumping him or punishing him for catching the flu. Why would you even want to be around a sick person? This is not something he has done wrong here, you are being selfish. Let it go, he has not done anything wrong.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (17 May 2012):
 Let me see if I have this straight? Yesterday was your birthday, and you wanted to spend some time with your boyfriend on that special day.... He had been, and was still, in bed with something flu-like keeping him down.... and, in his effort to spend at least some of the day with you, he suggested that YOU come to HIM... Then, he realized that he was still darn sick... AND (probably, I hope) that he risked infecting YOU with said malady.... so he suggested that you NOT stop over... and you and he could celebrate your special day (your birthday) some day in the near future... And, you spent your special day with some of your family, so it wasn't a total washout... even though you would have preferred to spend it with B/F..Please help me here.... as I'm trying to understand why there is ANY "question" here.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2012): He was ill, and you have said yourself that he was ill from when you saw him on Sunday. Don't make a big deal about this, I know it was your birthday, but he didn't go out and purposely get ill so he could get out of spending your birthday with you. Give him a pass on this one, and when he gets better, maybe you can have a belated celebration together for your birthday. Cut him some slack though on this one.
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