A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this really nice guy at a company party 2 1/2 months ago. We got along very good, and things seemed nice. We went on our first date to a nice restaurant, and after went back to his apartment and ended up having sex. Since then, we have been very close and talk on the phone constantly, but we've only seen each other 4 times. We sometimes make plans to see each other, but for one reason or another they fall through. He tells me how much he likes being around me and that he wants to see me again, but he doesn't make the effort to do so. I'm very close to leaving him alone for good, but part of me doesn't want to. Can someone please tell me what is going on here? Should I leave him alone or am I overreacting?
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male
reader, AFnATL +, writes (19 April 2008):
As a guy, I can honestly say - If he was just after sex, he would see you again for sex. If that is what happened the 4 times you have met over the past 2 months, then that might be what is going on. But, 4 times over 2 months is still every 2 weeks. Could he be busy? Regardless...The reader who suggested you have a frank conversation with him and tell him you are getting mixed messages is spot on. Life is too short for games - pretending less interest or more to spark someone elses interest, etc. If you start playing games in a relationship, you will always be playing games versus having an honest relationship.Tell him you like him, that you enjoy being with him, that your long conversations make you think he feels the same way, but that you are getting mixed messages. Ask him his thoughts and why plans to meet in person seem to fall apart despite how well you get along. Then move forward from that answer - and please let us know what he says.
A
female
reader, kizzy +, writes (18 April 2008):
 i am recently in the same situation you are in i tried losing contact with the guy i was with but i cant seem to. Everytime he calls i jump to the phone, i would just say go with your heart he may just be after you for one thing since you did give yourself up too soon. i cant really give you great advive bcuz we are in the same boat but as i am doing right now is going with my heart and i hope you do the same.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): Tell him that he is giving mixed messages and ask him whether he has any doubts about the two of you, or whether he is involved with anyone else. You deserve to know where you stand.
Also, it may be worth giving him some space. In my experience, the minute you stop running after a man is the minute he starts running after you! That's provided he is interested enough. If not, save yourself for someone who is keener.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (18 April 2008):
Set up a date on a day you know you are both free, as soon as possible.
This is his last chance, but don't tell him that.
If he makes an excuse not to come then tell him that's fine and then cut contact. Move on and find a new guy.
Don't have sex on the first date again. It could be that this guy is just being nice to you because he feels guilty for using you for sex.
No matter how nice the guy, he will always lose respect for you if you give it away too easily. It's not fair I know but it's life.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (18 April 2008):
 If he likes being around you,then why does the dates that you guys arrange falls through? Sorry but this guy is dangling you on a piece of string, because he has got what he wants from you ie SEX now he is just left you on a cliffhanger wondering whetther you guys have something together or not.
Personally I do not sleep with guys on first dates, not until I know what their intentions are, ie do they want a relationship or something casual? If its casual I show them the door PLAIN AND SIMPLE.Dusky xxxx.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2008): I knew someone like that once, very very frustrating. Have a chat with him when you do catch up with him and ask him just what is going on, in a nice way. Try to get to know him, if you can. But i just walked away from mine and i think you will have to do the same to keep your sanity.
take care
xx
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