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*ickyrobz
writes: hi erm.. well rite now im sat alone in my bed room because my boyfriend has chosen his friends and weed over me!i suppose it is my fault 4 actually not saying anything to him wen he smoked it in front of me bt not when hes leaving me on my own all nite so he cn get stoned without me!i jst think its wrong!but that isnt all, i phoned him to see wot was happenin and wot we'd b doin he told me he was goin to a friends which im not bothered bout but wen he mensioned the weed i got a little annoyed! so i said 'your choosin weed over me!' and he said if i said it again he'd finish with me!we've been together for 2yrs 7month now!the thing is, its made me feel heart broken!what should i do?!?! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, secondary1  +, writes (21 November 2010):
I'm replying to your question 4 years later but ill do it anyway for others with the same issue. I'v been in the same situation here, except i was the stoner boyfriend you're talking about. I know that If you care about him and the relationship i strongly recommend not coming between him and his weed...at first. It wont fix ANYTHING. What you have to understand is hes going through a stage, whether he knows it or not, of living a completely empty life and he needs you there as a source of security. If you you're an evil bitch and don't care about him or the relationship you can simply dump him or... you can talk to him about it. When i say talk i dont mean constantly put him down and threaten him emotionally but talk in a loving way. Let him know that youre not going to leave just because he smokes weed and explain how much more fun it can be if he stopped smoking up. The trick is to not alienate yourself from him and seem understanding. I know all this because these were all the stuff i wished my girlfriend would have done when i had my issues. Anyway i believe in any relationship and understand theres going to be issues that can to be resolved- so should you guys.
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reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 June 2010):
 If he is over,say, 19 ...dump him immediately !
Aww come on... a stoner boyfriend ? So uncool.
I don't know how old are you and if you are American, anyway I advise you watching ,or watching again,a cult movie called Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Do you really want to date ..Jeff Spicoli ? :))
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2010): I know its hard but if he's this unwilling to compromise with you, you should leave him. I'm going through a situation that's really hard too. Me and my bf have been together for 5 months and I've been trying so hard to not let this bother me. He said that he'd stop doing it around me but he wouldn't stop all together even if I left him. Its not the fact that he won't stop because I was never actually expecting him to stop, just cutting down would be enough. Now I know that he'd actually lose me rarther than give up this shit. No matter what happens I'm never going to forget that.
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reader, crystaldaze  +, writes (12 February 2010):
hi my bf smokes weed all the time now, i made him stop from may last year but at xmas time 09 he sed can i hav some just for xmas and new year and i sed yes and now after that i sed u can smoke it but only if u dont kick off but in jan time he sold his xbox, made me spend the rent money (half each) and got us in debt now with everything, he smnokes it all in 2 days then wants more and keeps harrassing me to sell my xbox360, i has put all my stuff on buyback and now i have nuttin left , i dont kno what to do but its getting me down :(
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reader, c109  +, writes (11 April 2009):
My boyfriend did the same thing. I thought he would change. Then he became my husband, and still has not changed. Trust me, its better to end it now. Its a lot easier to distance yourself from your boyfriend and his addiction 2 years in then 8 years in! Believe me, I'm paying for that stupid mistake right now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): finish him there seems to be 3 things in your relationship u ur bf and weed and im sorry to say weed will always win xd
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): ok i was in the same situation! But eventually i had to say look if you love the weed more than me then i'm gone! He proved to me i meant more to him then the weed. He stopped completely. He knew i hated it and knew the only way we'd work is if he stopped. Put your foot down and any guy who picks drugs over you is NOT WORTH IT!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2008): My boyfriend and i have been on and off for about 4 years. I knew he did pot with his guy friends and it bothered me it really did. so i told him that it was weed or me, he chose weed, and i stayed by him. I felt soo stupid. 2 years after i said that he started dealing it and started meth. Its a bad cycle. i know for a fact that the meth is out of his life. hes not around people that do it and theres a difference in the way he acts. when i found out he was dealing i broke up with him. A year later he calls me and tells me hes clean and we got back together. To This Day, i dont know if hes on pot. He says that hes not but i cant trust him. His guy friends fight with me and tell me its no big deal but they dont know what the drugs have done to our relationship. I say, get out while ur mad at him. it makes it easy. but if he loves you, and its ment to be, he'll come back, no matter what. Hang in there girl.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2006): My boyfriend also does this at first he said to me he would never smoke hash in front of me because he respects me too much but straight after that he started doing it and i have had to accept it because he says he is not going to stop doing it and we have split up before because of this. I am more relaxed about it now but he says it has a lot of side affects on him and that i should just accept that too because its not his fault. We have other problems now though because he always chooses his mates over me, if we make plans he will break them 2 minutes before we are supposed to meet because his mate has called or something and he does this all the time, he says i am over reacting do you think i am?
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reader, vickyrobz +, writes (18 March 2006):
vickyrobz is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni just want to say thanks to everyone who gave me an answer! i think that an ultimatum will be the perfect answer to all this!so thanks again for your time! x
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reader, missbunbury +, writes (18 March 2006):
 Well, if you insist he chooses, I think he will choose his social life, to be honest. He sounds very domineering in the way he threatens you. Without knowing more about this though, it's hard to know how best to advise you. You don't say whether you live together, and you don't say much about how things are as a whole - is this a one-off occurence, or does he do it all the time? Is the real problem with the weed, or the time apart? Bear in mind that most people who smoke weed consider it to be no more serious a drug than alcohol, so if he's getting stress just because of the smoking, he may feel you're being unfair. Obviously, it's your belief that's important, so if weed is a dealbreaker for you, you may have to accept that things won't work out. If the problem is more with him spending time with his friends without you, you need to be brutally honest with yourself about whether you're over-reacting - obviously, if it's all the time, then you need to discuss it with him. When you do though, it would be worth approaching it in such a way that he understands you're not trying to tell him off, you just want to see more of him.
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reader, MarthaZ +, writes (18 March 2006):
 I was in a similar position a while back but luckily my bf did see that it was affecting our relationship (especiailly for me as I felt the same as you - choosing weed over me). He shouldn't be the one giving the ultimatum, you should give him the choice - weed or me. At the moment he has control over the relationship and know he can get away with smoking all the time. Once he feels that he may lose you because of his habit, he may change his perspectivs. If he does see the problem, sit him down and tell him exactly how you are feeling and how his habit is making you feel.
You have to look after yourself, having a relationship with him and weed can lead you to lose your confidence, self-esteem... Don't let him control you like this any longer!
Good luck!
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reader, Bev Conolly +, writes (18 March 2006):
 He's already made his choice, though, hasn't he?
If you DON'T mention dope again, then he thinks he's in the clear and gets to smoke it with his mates.
If you DO mention it again, he'll break off with you, so he'll go and smoke it with his mates.
It's pretty obvious that he values a revolting habit more than he values your affection. That's sad, but it's no reflection on you.
All you can do is leave him to it, and recognise that you're free to find someone who'd be satisfied just to be intoxicated by your winning charm and personality.
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reader, d4u04 +, writes (18 March 2006):
 Darling this is going to be hard but he needs an ultimatum, weed or me. Because it's a disgusting habit, it really is, and like myself, only when you stop it is when you realise, but he doesn't seem like the kind of person who will stop smoking it because of a tiny thing called love, to me, it seems like he's doing it to look good in front of his friends and that kind of pretence is understandably taking its toll on you. Darling my advice, break up, if he comes to his senses and realise you're worth a life without that disgusting habit then fair enough, he's a keeper but if he chooses a few hours buzz over your love and affection then he really isn't worth this. 2 years or 2 months it's all the same.
Hope this helps xxx
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reader, chinadolls +, writes (17 March 2006):
 Hey,I think if your boyfriend is really choosing weed over you I think you should let him have his weed and dump him and find someone else who cares about you.
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reader, sexseahot +, writes (17 March 2006):
 Honey I have been in this situation before and it don't work out unless he wants it to or you just use to being 2nd in his attention. I don't ever understand how a drug can become before someone and come in between relationships. I think it is so uncalled for and obviously he just isn't really grown up yet.
Have you tried talking to him about how you feel? Maybe you should make a point to not be with him if he's going to continue this behavior. It's very inappropriate I think. No one should choose any drug over their significant other.
You're thinking this is wrong is very correct. You shouldn't have to deal with this. If he don't want to change for you or at least spend some time with you, then he's definitely not worth it. It may sound easier said then done, but I'm sure you don't want to put up with this the rest of your life.
Good Luck Sweetie.
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