A
female
age
41-50,
*ersina1982
writes:im kinda confused and i hope that somebody can help me.ive been in a relationship with this guy for 5 months now. he cheated on me at the very beginning. but i did forgive him, because we hadnt been together that long and maybe he didnt take us serious at the time. Then, a few weeks later i found messages on his phone, it was obvious that he was still talking to other females behind my back. so i broke up but got back with him after a few days. he promised me to delete all the females off his phone and off the yahoo messenger and all that stuff. so i gave him one more chance. a few days ago, i found a message from some number there was no name. it was just saying something like how u doin im bored. I just didnt understand why the number wasnt saved in the phone. and another thing that i thought was suspicious is that he was carrying his phone in his pocket all day long. so obviously he was trying to hide something from me. so i broke up with him again. we talked about what happened. and he still says that he hasnt cheated on me again and that he doesnt know who was contacting him. i dont believe him anymore. I told him for me to be able to build up trust i need him to give me all his passwords to his email accounts and i need him to change his number. do yall think that i overreacted? he told me he cant do that. so that should be a sign for me to just totally let it go right? he says he loves me and he wants me back, but somehow i cant believe that.... what should i do
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female
reader, persina1982 +, writes (9 March 2011):
persina1982 is verified as being by the original poster of the question i want to thank everybody for taking the time to answer my question. im gonna stop wasting my time. this relationship shouldve ended a long time ago. all of you are right, he has to go. thanks again.
A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (9 March 2011):
If I was accused of cheating and was innocent, I would go out of my way to prove my innocence, in whatever ways I could, to try and save my relationship and earn the trust of my partner. If my partner found a strange number on my phone and thought I was acting suspiciously, and I didn't really know whose number that was, and my partner was upset about it to the degree you are, I would call that number in front of them so my partner could see I didn't know who they were. On speaker phone.
What steps has your partner taken to try to earn your trust? To put you at ease, or clear his name? He doesn't have a good track record, but that doesn't mean he is guilty, it means he would have to take real steps to earn your trust.
I don't think you have the right though to ask him for his passwords and to change his number - even cheaters are entitled to their privacy and rights, and if you control him in this way its not healthy anyway. Besides, as others have said he can get another email address to cheat on you if he wanted to, but if I were in his position and wasn't guilty I would happily show you my email account any time you asked if it meant earning your trust.
He might not be guilty, but if you don't believe he is trustworthy, I don't know how the relationship could survive and even if it should. That is up to you, and will be influenced by how he reacts. Trust your instincts.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (9 March 2011):
 Nope, you've been with him for only 5 months. If he's been cheating with other women, then the relationship is doomed. You can not request these things from him. You're not married, AND, it'll do no good. It's so easy to get a pre-paid phone, a new email account, new dating accounts, not to mention he could just change all the passwords in the first place.
You need to break up with him for real, this time for permanent. He will keep cheating because he knows you'll keep crawling back to him like a kick dog he can abuse and disrespect. He's a serial cheater.
Drop him. Doesn't matter what he says or does. Every second you are with him is a waste of time you will never ever see again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2011): No you ar not overreacting, if by gut feeling you think he is trying to hide something your proberly right. I have been in the same position as you and have given chances but after a few days it gose back to square 1 with the constintly keeping the phone close by, i have learned the hard way hun that if you keep on giving them chances they will throw it back in your face, how would he feel if it was you acting like this he would not like it a relationship is about what to people want not just 1,
think of what would be better for you down the long run and do you think you can trust him enuff
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (9 March 2011):
 If you can't believe in him anymore, then you shouldn't go back to him.
By the way, people can always open a new e-mail account and hide it from you. So asking for passwords is not the solution. If there is no trust, there is nothing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2011): Hello, it's only been five months so not a deep connection and the lack of trust would prevent that from happening anyhow. Cut your losses while the relationship is still in its infancy and not very hard to get over.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (9 March 2011):
 You're not his prison warden. He shouldn't have to do the things you are asking and you shouldn't have to feel that you need him to do these things for you to trust him.
You're both not compatible for each other.
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A
female
reader, kittie88  +, writes (9 March 2011):
I don't think he loves you, 5 months is a very short time. Instead of going through all the bother of getting access to his email's etc and getting all his passwords, you should just leave him and move on. You will just become possessive and unhappy, and you probably won't ever trust him properly. It's not worth putting youself through all of this stress trying to keep tabs on him. Try and have some self respect and confidence in yourself, you will find someone who will like you so much that they wouldnt dream of cheating on you, your better than this current guy. Good luck x
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 March 2011):
 Ok well I agree that I dont think you should be in this relationship, he broke your trust at the beginning and now you are finding it hard to trust him that is understandably but if there is no trust then there is no relationship. You need to be able to trust him am afraid.
As for asking him to give you all of his passwords and change his number you cannot do that. Even though somebody is in a relationship they are intitled to an independant life and they are his private things and nobody should have access to his passwords or tell him to change his number. Am sorry but you cannot ask someone to do that for you. You are invading his space and his life and that is on the borderline of controlling behaviour and am afraid it is just not acceptable.
In order for you to trust him yes he will need to work hard on proving his innocence to you. But if your gut feeling is telling you he is acting suspitious and that you feel he is hiding things then the best thing that you can do is to finish the relationship. Goodluck and all the best.
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