A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:We planned to hang out on friday this whole week, and even talked about it last thing on thursday night. He wanted me to go at 7 after his basketball game, i said i can make it at 8 or 9. He said thats fine. And friday afternoon he called and said i dont think we can hang out, I have some family drama going on and I have to head out to see them? and he said But maybe saturday? which is today and i said.. "I dont know yet" then before I was going to hang up, he said " I'm sorry... are u mad?" Then i just clicked. But he texted me later that night asking " are u mad?" I didnt reply. He called me almost 2am. And today the whole day I didnt hear from him. Should I reply his text, or should I wait and see if he's going to ask me to hang out today.. We are just dating were not official...
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 June 2011):
 I have a close-to-irrational distaste for people who cancels last minute and if it were for me they should be tarred, feathered and run out of town.
Also, for me to accept " family drama " as a valid reason to cancel, it'd better be a real drama, like some family member being taken to the hospital.
But, this is the first and only time so far ; plus, alas most people are rather casual with other people's time and plans, they honestly don't see it as a big deal.
If this IS a big deal for you and a potential deal breaker, you don't need to sulk, to stew in silence or worse to make a scene, but you do need to calmly state your boundaries.
Apologize for having hung up on him ( very wrong !! ) ,admit that you were upset, and explain him calmly and CONCISELY why. Essentially , that you don't " do " cancellations ", thank you very much, and then change subject and let it go.
Once he knows, if he cares about you , he'll care also about being respectful of his commitments , and keeping the changes of plans to an inevitable minimum.
If he does not... he'll cancel again pretty soon or maybe even accuse you of being " uptight " or something similar. In which case ,that says volumes in itself...
A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (19 June 2011):
 It is indeed very frustrating and disappointing to get a cancellation at the last minute from someone you looked forward to see. But the title of this post is misleading: according to your post, he is not continually canceling plans; it was just this one time.
So I would give him the benefit of the doubt. You have not been dating long, and you don't know if this is a pattern or a one-time occurrence. Talk to him about your frustration and see if he is responsive. You are still learning each other's boundaries. By telling him how you feel, he will learn he cannot do this again.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (19 June 2011):
 You DID hear him ask if you were mad or not. He texted you later with the same question.Respond honestly. That may be what he is waiting for before thinking about any thing else beyond that.Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, nikkistarz +, writes (19 June 2011):
My opinion is that he may have been sincere. He cared enough to let you know in advance that he would not be able to make it. It sounds like he was surprised that you were upset... I take that as a sign that he was likely telling the truth. Then actually followed up to see if you were upset. I'd understand being upset if he never called to say anything and then called you at 2am. Does he cancel plans at the last minute often? If so have you told him that you don't like it? Not knowing details it's hard to say, but... based on the information you've provided I'd call with an apology.
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