A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There's an older (married) guy who has been attracted to me for four years and has made it obvious. Unlike most guys, he is actually interested in me (not just my body) in getting to know the person I am. He never came up to me to talk or anything. People are aware of his feelings for me and have spread rumors about us about having sex etc. Instead of approaching me, he always eavesdrop on my conversations. I know at this point you're probably like 'ok where is she going with this.' As far as sexual attraction goes he has showed interest in my body, but I can't understand why. Even though his wife isn't friendly, she is pretty (blonde, slender, big boobs). I'm just an average brunette with medium-sized boobs and some fat on my stomach and meat on my thighs. Whether she is around or not. He always stares at me and admires me. I refuse to make a move and become a home wrecker. I'm just posting this out of pure curiosity. And before you say he's just interested in me sexually because he may be going through a stressful time etc. Or that most men are attracted to young women, there have been times where he has showed he cares about me (even if it's a little bit). Of course he's a good man too far too moral and principled etc to ever have an affair. I'm just curious and a bit insecure as to why he would ever be interested in me. I'm sure his wife is great. I'm just a weird goth girl who's always quiet and distant, and I wouldn't I'm good-looking (even though other people have call me cute, pretty, or beautiful sometimes). Every other guy who has walked into my life has only been interest in looks and nothing else. Why is this guy different? Why is he attracted to me? And why has it lasted this long (when other guys have only had fleeting crushes on me)?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): "he's a good man too far too moral and principled etc to ever have an affair"
Which is why a guy that I know is in prison now, he was a church member in good standing, head of a local city public works department, father, husband, and rapist of a 15 year old girl.
Creepy...I used to be in meetings with him, my wife, and my girls would be there.
Don't assume anything. If he's looking at you like he's interested, he may not be in it for an affair, but may very well like to rape young girls.
A
female
reader, babygirllovej  +, writes (21 June 2011):
 I'm glad you will talk to your Mom. Make sure to explain why you don't want to go!Good Luck and take care!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOnce again thank you your answers. Even though my sister is six, she always enjoyed it when I attended her previous games. I will talk to my mom about not going to her games though.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (20 June 2011):
 Well it all depends on your sister really - will she be upset if you are not there? Are your parents going to support her? How old is she? Does she come along to all of your sporting events or other similar events?
I cant imagine why your sister would mind you not going along, as long as your parents are supporting her you dont need to be there for every game. And missing this game would definitely be a good thing in terms of getting some distance between you and this man, so if you can stay away from the game then definitely do it.
Have you told your parents about this man's behaviour? I think it might be a good idea to get them involved, even if it is just to explain why you dont want to go to your sister's soccer match. At least if your parents are aware of what is going on then it means you are safer, as we have all said this guy is a creep and could well be dangerous so your parents who are responsible for your safety do need to know about this.
Overall, if you can stay away from this man then do it - only see him if you absolutely have to (i.e. your parents force you to go to this soccer game) and even then, dont speak to him, make eye contact, go near him etc....he needs to understand that you are not interested and want nothing to do with him. So the more you stay away and dont even look at him, the more he will get the point.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (20 June 2011):
 the legal age of consent is 16 in some states and 17 in other states.
Under the Law, in respect to sexual assault anyone under the legl Age of Consent is legally label as a 'child'.
So it is not true to say a pedophile only shows interest in children up to 13
It is illegal for an adult to sexually groom a child (under the legal age of consent) as a precursor to sexual abuse, and illegal to show sexual interest in a child (under the age of legal consent.)
Just as it is illegal to take inappropriate sexualized pictures of children and it is illegal to share those pictures in any way, including via a carriage way (which
includes the internet)
Pedophiles often go to great lengths to be around children (meaning under the legal age of consent) and even ingratiate themselves to parents of such children that the Pedophile is interested in abusing.
When the identity of a Convicted Pedophile in a community is finally revealed in Court the community is often shocked and horrified by the crimes committed AND how easily the Pedophile was able to fool the community.
Pedophiles work hard to blend in and do things that make people trust them, such as giving to Charity, when the Pedophile is in truth a threat to the children in the community.
Pedophiles also often try to make their homes interesting to children (computer games etc) or offer gifts to children to 'buy' their silence.
This man who has been ogling you for four years, and his brother is also taking interest in under-age girls, both sound like appalling apologies for human beings.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): I don't mean to be rude but you seem a little immature for your age. Hes been looking at you since you were 12 and he has a beautiful wife yet you don't see why hes'a attracted to you? maybe its because your a kid and his wife is not..!
umm he sounds like a pedophile hes a dangerous man and you seriously need to report him to someone and tell your parents because god knows what will happen, he is looking at you like prey , and waiting to pounce. Don't be fooled by him this man is a threat and you need to be very weary around him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for replying! I do plan to distance myself from this man. I'm 17 and was 13 when I met him. Pedophilia is sexual interest in children generally up to 13 years of age so I realize mentioning my age really doesn't make a difference except that it's just another year off my life (sorry I tend to joke about serious matters; helps me cope with things). I enjoy researching all sorts of topics and have done research on mental disorders in the past so I'm aware of many types of ill-minded people that I need to watch out for. One viewer asked how old he is. He was 33 when I met him so he's probably 37 now. That big age gap is just another red flag. I'm never caught him staring at other young girls/women inappropriately, and I guess no one else has otherwise I definitely would have heard about it (people. LOVE to gossip about his brother (also married) and him). I'm not saying I think I'm the first, but it may be possible (still not good of course) I'll point out that I have met this man's brother. He is in his 40s and a major creeper. He is constantly staring at young women and stands too close to them. If your a teenage girl and you're wearing a camisole or some other exposing article of clothing, he'll try to look down it to catch a glimpse of your breasts when you cross paths with him. I've seen it happen before, and it has happened to me. I won't see him (the man I mentioned originally) until August because his son is on my sister's soccer team. I don't want to show up again because he'll be there, but at the time, I have to be there to support my sister. His son is 5, he also has a daughter who is over a year old. I'm pretty sure he has been married for 10 years now. I want to think that he may be going through a stressful time and is one of those spouses who begin to look elsewhere, so to speak. This may or may not be true and of course if it is, it's still creepy seeing how I'm still blossoming. I feel like I'm constantly making excuses for his behavior. How do I deal with the fact that I'm going to see him again? Should I not go to the soccer games or would that seem really inconsiderate?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 June 2011):
 You like the attention, dont you? That's why you want to find out why you've earned it? Couldn't it really be as simple as this man not knowing you at all...? He eavesdrops on your conversations, thats not cute, its creapy. Attention is lovely and all, especially when your own confidence isn't that high. But this doesn't sound like the attention you'd want. This sounds like a stalker who is preparing to attack you and rape you. He's too moral to do that you say? So were the catholic priests.... (no offence to catholics, but you all know the tale).
He's into you for who knows what reasons, but I doubt you're the only teenager/child he oogles over. Which is, all in all, just a statement that he's a creep. If I were you I'd stay away from him or tell my parents. Who cares why he likes to undress you with his eyes, he doesn't sound like he's up to any good, and it's morally wrong to even be oogling you like that. Firstly because you're so young, and a mere child when it started. Second, he's married, he shouldn't be oogling anyone, but work on his marriage if it's falling apart.
You want to hear that you're special, and you are. But you must believe in this yourself, not try to find evidence, or proof of it, from some creepy guy who's stalking you and eavesdropping to your conversations. He doesn't care about you, if he does it sure is a strange way to show it. But that doesn't mean you're not worthy of someone caring for you! Just try to believe in yourself more and not depend on creepy stalkers to boost your confidence.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (20 June 2011):
 You said he's never spoken to you but he checks you out? And he's different to other men? - I'm sorry but how is that correct?
As mentioned by everyone else, different men do stare at 12 year olds, not the kind that you want to be dealing with and definately sounds like he's a paedophile.
Steer well clear of this guy.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (20 June 2011):
All the other posters have hit the nail on the head - if he has been staring at you for 4 years, that meant you were 12 when he started staring at you, which indicates that this man may have some serious issues and be a dangerous person around children.
So the reason why he is attracted to you may be a dark and disturbing reason, he may well be a pedophile and I strongly recommend you stay away from him. Any man that would stare at a 12 year old girl and be sexually attracted to her is a dangerous man, I know you might think he is harmless but you need to realise that if he has been staring at a 12 year old child, he is not a good guy and you need to stay away from him.
Think about what you were like 4 years ago - I bet even you would say that you were a child back then and have grown up a lot. So this would confirm that he was staring at a child, and that is very creepy and scary indeed. It would also explain a possible reason why he is looking at you, despite having a beautiful wife. Perhaps adults dont do it for him - it is only a possibility but the fact that there is a chance this could be the reason is very frightening.
Please stay as far away from him as you can - as much as it might be flattering and he seems like a nice man, his behaviour indicates that is not a nice man and could well be very dangerous.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, galdegir  +, writes (20 June 2011):
As a father myself of two girls aged 10 and 8 Im sickened that a grown man would even think about looking at you with desire when your old enough to be his daughter how old is this man? Stay away from him sweetheart he sounds like a creep if he was moral and principled he wouldn't be eyeing off young girls for so long.
A word of advice for when you have matured more as well stay away from married men who show interest and attention to you it'll lead you to nothing but heartache find a boy your age who is decent to get attention from.
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A
female
reader, babygirllovej +, writes (20 June 2011):
I agree with Abella, as much as you are flattered be the attention...stay away from him! He is a creep and you are so much more better then that!!!
Take care sweetie
And I'm sure you are very beautiful :)
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (20 June 2011):
he's been obviously staring at your body for four years? You are 16 now. So you mean since you were 12? Stay away from this man. A good decent adult man, married or not, does not show this kind of interest in a very young girl unless he has a problem. His obsession with your body has gone on now for four long years. To the point where others have noticed and made lewd inappropriate comments? This is not OK.
Stay far far away from this guy.
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