A
female
age
36-40,
*ahara05
writes:I am in a relationship with a well known Scottish Football player. When I started the relationship I knew that he had a girlfriend but he said that he was going to split up with her which he did. I found it in October that he was seeing her again. Then a few weeks ago I found out that I am pregnant with his child but so is his ex. What should I do? Help!
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female
reader, holmar  +, writes (16 July 2009):
Take it slow if you can. Tell him you don't want anyone else but you need to back up a bit and not just go back like everything's ok. He needs to respect you. Let him know you love him and want to be his partner, but that you will not accept this kind of behavior from this point on. You now are not only thinking for yourself, but you are making decisions for the future of the baby too and chaos and unfaithfullness is not something you can tolerate. If you two go out in public, and are doing things as a couple, chances are that he has told her anyway. So, just slow it down and be careful. I believe you will know if he is seeing her. It will become apparent by his behavior and word of mouth, especially if he is well known. Finally, I don't envy you. It's going to be so hard. Just like he needed to take responsibility for the child when it wasn't positive what he was going to do? Well, he still needs to take responsibility for the other one too. That is going to hurt. One ground rule for your sanity would be that when he goes around her it's only when you are there also, and that if they talk on the phone, it's not just idle chat, but about their child. He owes that too you because he put you in this situation, and it's the right thing to do for your relationship to be solid anyway. Good luck. I really hope it all works out, and I am sure you will have a beautiful, athletic, smart baby. Congratulations. Holly
A
female
reader, sahara05 +, writes (16 July 2009):
sahara05 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey I just want to say a bigh thank you to everyone that took the time to provide a suggestion to my problem. He does know that both me and his ex are pregnant. He said that he loves me and that he wants to be with me and the baby and that going back to his ex and sleeping with her was a mistake. But how do I know that he hasn't said the same to his ex.
Thanks again for the support.
xxx
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A
female
reader, Love_is_all_youu_need +, writes (16 July 2009):
 Don't feel any pressure to abort, you could be a great single mum. Obviously i advise that you have nothing to do with the father of the child, he has been dishonest and unfaithful to you and you deserve much better, he needs to be well and truly out of your life. You can then focus on what really matters right now; your baby! Eat sensibly, avoid alcohol consumption, avoid smoking and try and stay stress-free for the sake of your unborn's well-being.
The reality is that you'll be increasingly stressed if you chose to continue your relationship with this man due to his involvement with this other woman. It is believed Stress increases the risk of miscarriage.
Let your fella live his life with the other woman, he quite clearly has strong feelings for her otherwise he would not have continued the affair. If he had any consideration for you, he would not have lied or cheated. Make the right choice.
As far as the baby is concerned, i certainly wouldn't get rid (but that's just my opinion; i am completely against abortion) hopefully the father will help out financially but if not, i am sure you will have plenty of support from friends and family, providing the child with the best possible start in life.
All the best xx
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A
female
reader, holmar +, writes (16 July 2009):
Well honey, maybe you should have paid attention initially when he said he was still seeing someone else, and at the same time was dating you. Whether or not he broke it off with her is irrelevant. There was a point where he was seeing you both at the same time, and you knew it and dated him anyway. This shows me that both of you lack some basic values. So, I would not expect that he is going to come back and "do the right thing", which is karma really, because you didn't "do the right thing either". Also, it doesn't sound like you got the "pick of the litter" when it comes to potential father material. So, you can have an abortion, get yourself out of this mess and move on (unless you feel the repercussions of abortion would be something you could not handle, mentally or morally), adoption (same comment as before..could you handle it) or you can just hope that he steps up and is a good dad. No matter what the situation, if you keep the baby, it is important that the baby has a father, or a father figure. The best for the child is to have a relationship with the real father. I believe this is true because I have a daughter whose dad always put his girlfriend's, and now his wife, in front of her, and never had time to see her. It broke her heart. Although my husband took the role of her dad since she was 9 months old (and to her he IS her REAL dad), it still hurt her a lot over the years and she wondered why her biological dad didn't want to see her (I talked to her about that-told her it wasn't her fault, and so on, but that's a whole nother story), but anyway, no matter what, the best option is that he takes responsibility and is a good father to the child should you decide to keep the it. If you are having this baby in hopes of holding on to him (and I am definately NOT saying you are), but please reconsider. This will also come across his mind and push him away further if this is the case. ALso, it doesn't sound like you really have a great catch anyway if your looking for a good faithful man. If he would date you both, he is a cheater. If he stays with the other girl, I would bet a dollar to a nickel that he will cheat on her, and whomever else he ends up with. If he is with you, he'll cheat on you. So don't bring an innocent child into this in hopes of keeping him, it won't work. It will end up pushing him further away and possibly him not even seeing the child at all, which would not be in the baby's best interest. If this is not the case, and you keep it, then just hope he takes responsibility for the child. Even if he doesn't, you can still get support for the baby which will make it easier to do on your own financially, and involve your family and friends if they are available to help you out. This is a hard situation, and kind of sad. Hopefully then, you will eventually meet someone like I did, who will care for the child like it is his own. When you date, remind them, they are dating both of you. You are a package deal. Eventually the right guy will come along, I am nearly certain, and it will turn out ok. So, good luck. You have a tough decision to make. But first, before you do anything, let him know (it's his baby too), and find out what he is willing to do. Is he going to stay with you (probably not, he already went back to the other one), is he going to be a presence in the childs's life and take responsibility in helping to raise him through visitation and support, or is he not wanting anything to do with the baby. After that, then make your decision. Whatever you do, do NOT beg for him to come back. The part about him "doing the right thing" and taking responsibility for the baby and getting you pregnant is kind of a mute point since there are two of you pregnant. So, don't grovel, cry, or do anything you will feel stupid for later. Just accept it, and get a lot of support from your family and friends. It looks like this is going to be a heart breaker for you. I am sorry and good luck.
Holly
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): You can have an abortion right now & walk away from him, and this problem will end here.
Or you can carry the baby to term, change the course of your life, and raise his child for the next 20 years. You will effectively be rewarding him for doing what he did.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): What a mess! You need to consider what he will do assuming he doesn't know yet? - he might decide to be with her, you or neither of you. If your relationship ends and you wish to keep the baby then you must be prepared to be a single mum and all that entails. If this is ok with you and you feel with support from family and friends you can get through it then all that is important is that everyone knows about the situation and can work out how to handle it. The reality is you could end up like the other post says 'sharing' him. Hopefully time is on your side and you can make the right decision for YOU.
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A
male
reader, greg290352 +, writes (16 July 2009):
 Sadly many guys in his position just enjoy the perk of having more than one girl at a time. You ought not to believe a word that they say. Not that they are all like that but most are. Having sex with him unprotected was maybe not too wise a thing to do? However now you need to discuss things with your mum if possible or a close family member or friend. You next need to make sure that the guy is going to help pay for your baby assuming you want to have it of course. This might, perhaps, mean that you need to go to court to establish paternity. Hopefully you can sort things out between both of you? As far as the guy goes I think you are likely to have to face up to sharing him if you decided to keep seeing him. Good luck!
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