A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy a few months ago, from the get go I knew he had a girlfriend of four months at the time. We got involved and had a intimate relationship. I recently found out I was pregnant and i told him and he flipped and told me to get rid of the baby. When I asked him why I must do that he told me because it just won't be right. I told him that he can go about his life as if i don't exist and i will take care of my baby. He was still mad as hell and told me he would not mind if it was his girlfriend that was pregnant he would have made her keep it (mind you his girlfriend has two kids a teenager and a 2 year old and she is married but separated to another man). I am single I have a 5 year old son and I have a managerial job. I can more than afford to maintain myself, my son and this baby when it comes. My major problem is that I love this man so much it hurts. What should I do? Please help!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, griffingirl +, writes (1 May 2009):
You could put it up for adoption instead of having an abortion. That's always a good alternative:)
BTW I am not judging you and I don't know the whole situation but I'm just saying my opinion about the part that I do know.
I can say for sure that you would be the best judge of what to do:)
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): No one's judging you- but you did put it on the internet. All we're saying is that you should do what you feel is right :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): No your right I don't know you, but you put your question up so I stated my opinion after all we do live in a free Country, and I can tell you one thing you don't have no self dignity, you can say you do all you want, but no "WOMEN" is going to sleep with some one elses man (maybe one that is easy) would but not a real women. Yes so his girlfriend now is married, but seperated and? are you not suppose to go on living your life cause your still married but no longer with your husband? and what does her having two children got to do with it. Afterall when you have this one it will be number 2 for you right? Does that mean she shouldn't have anymore children for her now boyfriend but you have one for him? (her man). Girl wake-up!! And yes I was cheated on before, and sweetie it's not baggage my man does everything for me and my children, and this is the last thing I am going to say. We wouldn't have dogs in the world (men) if it wasn't for whores! (women).
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the person who answered, you don't know me so don't judge me. Apparently you missed the part that his girlfriend is married but recently seperated and has two kids. Self dignity you say? I can assure you that I have more dignity than the air you breathe! You seem to be carrying some baggage. Sounds to me like you were cheated on!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): I think it's right down selfish to bring a child in the world this way. You would be known as a (whore) where I live. Why would you get pregnant in the first place? Why should his girlfried have to suffer because of yours and his selfish actions? Why should the child have to grow up with out a father? Sorry to be so blunt but my god what happened to self diginity here? Sleeping with men that are taken. What would you tell the child that it doesn't have a father because he had a girlfried at the time he/she was conceived.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): I have been through the same situation it hurts when someone you love cheats on you but no one is perfect. If you didn't put yourself in this situation then I would say this is all his fault. But you knew going in that this man had a girlfriend you should have used protection.If he cheated on his girlfriend with you believe me he would do to you the same way one day because we all reap what we so.He is mad because all men feel like they have been trapped when they hear they got someone pregnant and didn't plan for it.Whatever you do don't take it out on the baby because of a decision you and him made out of lust and no consideration for the other woman. Anonymouly Yours
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): I'm sorry to hear of your situation but I don't think you are seeing things clearly. You love someone who is a cheat (he is cheating on his girlfriend) and now, out of sheer inconvenence to himself, wants you to go through one of the most traumatic decisions and processes any woman can go through. It must be a blind love you have because he does not love you. No way does he. This sounds harsh but you genuinely sound clued up on life in every other way you have financial independence etc so it seems you are letting these emotions for this low-life get in the way. If he changed his mind tomorrow and left his girlfriend and told you to keep the child there would always be the knowledge in the back of your mind what a cold hearted selfish man he can be and that he would rather have been with his girlfriend and her new baby than you with yours. I would bet he could cheat on you too in time. How would you feel if you were his girlfriend now - the one who is currently clueless? You need to decide about the baby for YOURSELF and make that decision without considering a relationship as viable with this man. You have another child already of your own to consider also - this is a very important factor which I'm sure you know anyway. That child needs role models and from what you describe I'm not sure your 'boyfriend' sounds much like one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): He's being selfish. It's never wrong to keep a baby! Think of the poor child! He's a coward. he's a f&*^*&#(@*(* coward and he's telling you to aborpt your child because he doesn't want his girl to know he cheated on her!!
Do what is right for you and that child.. that's all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing is he also said if i was girlfriend he would want me to keep the baby. But he just thinks that it is wrong to keep the baby because of the situation.
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female
reader, sunny123  +, writes (27 April 2009):
I think that when you have a relationship with somebody who is married/seeing somebody else then you are taking a huge risk. Personally I wouldn't be able to trust somebody who was cheating with me as i'd know what they were capable of.
You need to do what is best for the baby and yourself now. You sound very independent, confident and already seem to have made up your mind about keeping the baby. Whatever happens try not to use the baby to keep this man's interest. It WILL NOT work! He needs to want you and the baby together for a relationship to work. He also needs to end his other relationship if he is serious about making things work between you.
Good luck!
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male
reader, Dr. John +, writes (27 April 2009):
 It doesn't sound to me like you will be able to expect much from this guy. Even if you were able to carry on a relationship with him, what would keep him from cheating on you just as he has with you. Seems that you have found someone that is not very responsible in any case. Now you have a baby on the way that is responsible for none of this. Don't make the baby pay for your mistakes. It may hurt to drop this guy, but better a little pain now than a lot of pain later. Do the right thing for you and your children. With a little patience you will find a guy who will love you and your children. Doc
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009): What should you do about the man.. or the baby?
The man: Consider that he is in a relationship and even if he wasn't, he cheated WITH you so why wouldn't he cheat ON you. Not a good relatinship to make serious of.
The baby: If your 5 yo's father told you 5 years ago to get an aborption, would you have? And think about what it would be like now if you hadn't. Don't you love that little boy more than anything, and wouldn't you give anything to keep him safe? The child within you is your child. It deserves the same love and cherishment (is that a word) that you have given your son. You are already a mother to it, born or unborn. That man's opinion should have NO AFFECT on the life of that child. He is not God.
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female
reader, griffingirl +, writes (27 April 2009):
Keep the baby- after all it's yours- it's living inside you. And try to talk to him, he might just be afraid that you'll love him less. But if you're ever afraid that he'll hurt you or the baby -RUN!! I had an abusive father and it scarred me for life. Don't let that happen to your little one!! Please don't let it!!
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (27 April 2009):
 I think you should forget about this man, because he doesn't love you and most probably doesn't care about you or the baby.
He said it loud and clear: if it were the baby by another woman, he would want to keep it. But, he doesn't want to keep yours. This isn't about having to be a father for the baby, of paying alimony, or whatever, but simply about not wanting a bond with you. So, don't have a bond with him, either.
I wish you the best with this new baby. He or she will be reared by a brave mom.
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