A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really liked this guy for a while last year, and when I found out he liked me too; we started to see eachother. We've now been together for almost 2 months.However ever since we started being an item I haven't liked him; he's completely in love with me, but I just don't feel that spark at all like I have with past guys. He's such a sweet guy, and I know he would never cheat on me or anything like that, so I'm staying with him for the comfort of not being alone.I'm hoping to fall in love with him but no matter how hard I try; I can't. I really don't want to hurt him by ending it with him..should I keep trying to fall in love? Or just finish it?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 January 2011):
 Don't try to force yourself into falling in love. But think about this for a good while. What is it you seek in relationships? What is it that made you want him in the first place? What has changed? Could it be that he is coming on too strong for you now, that you are just overwhelmed? It's just been two months, and if he's madly in love, and you're not quite ready yet, it can become too much and you withdraw automatically. This could be what is happening.
Perhaps you had a good connection and a spark when he wasn't coming on so strong, or perhaps you just aren't used to seeing his "in love"-side and it makes you think he's not the same guy anymore? If thats the case you could try and do things you used to do, hang out in situations where you'll get to see him for who he is again, and not just as some love sick puppy.
I believe that if he's a sweet guy, and you were attracted to him, then this is a good start for a great relationship. It could be you are just scared of accepting it, as it's not filled with a thrill (opposed to if you date a "bad boy" where you get a thrill out of him being cute the few times he is, and he'll have you chasing him). But isn't it better to have a good guy that you know where is, than have a guy you need to hunt down and beg for him to show kindness?
Or it could be that you thought this guy is what you wanted, and like a spoiled child you throw away the toy once you got it because you only liked the chase.... I don't think you are, but that would be the other option. So in the case that you have just gotten bored with him: don't enter any more relationship until you are absolutely sure about what you want.
A
female
reader, cry alone mandy +, writes (20 January 2011):
if you dont feel the spark anymore then you got to follow your heart and tell him the truth. you cant keep secrets from the person you are in a relationship with. if you are not happy with him then you should tell him the truth. after you do that you will feel better about your self.
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A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (20 January 2011):
 I agree with Abella. But maybe you are too young to appreciate this now.
Despite what we read about romance and fireworks being important, love really can grow. It can grow through shared experiences, conversation, and appreciation of each other's virtues.
I would give it a little longer. Relationships are always a risk and he knows that. Don't feel guilty about dating him. It's an exploration.
I would advise not to get too physically involved though because then you might get too emotionally entangled too quickly.
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A
female
reader, casey-jane  +, writes (20 January 2011):
 I would look at it this way, you have one life, so live it. You shouldnt stay with someone just to keep them happy whilst your unhappy. And as for feeling alone, go out with the girls, no women should feel like they need a man to complete them. And also, you can't make yourself fall in love with someone, maybe you two would be better as friends?
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (20 January 2011):
 You can only do what's right in your heart. He wouldn't like you staying in the relationship out of pity or some sense of duty if you aren't happy.
Sweet guys are easily hurt. Be careful with him.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (20 January 2011):
 sweet guys who are unlikely to cheat are the most awesome kind considerate reliable good guys. Gems in the world of guys.
You must be a very special girl to interest one of these good guys. They are rare.
Imagine how envious girls without a 'good guy' feel about your situation.
Real love grows slowly and burns reliably for a very long time.
The spark you refer to can be there at the start, but sometimes it takes a while to enourage it to grow in other instances.
Whereas there are guys who look too
'Good to be true' = because they are an illusion. They might seem exciting at the start. But they burn very quickly, but can't sustain it. These are the unreliable guys who break their promises, fail to turn up, want to borrow money they never pay back. And who easily cheat on their girls
give your guy a little more time. Reliable guys are keepers.
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