A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello my name is Ashley and I really need your help. I am 29 years old with 2 kids and single mom. I met a guy two weeks ago and he is 21. I met him when I went to drop off my kids so his grama can watch them for me and she is the manager to the place I live. The day i went to drop off the kids she called him to meet me and we hugged and that was it. When I came back to get my kids he said he would walk me to my car Nd he said he wanted to take me on a date and I said ok and he took my #. And he started texting me everyday non stop for two weeks and he said on the text he wanted to build relationship weather its a friend ship or more. And he said my grama and I can see you alot. I told her we been talking on text and she said he is young tell him to go away. And he said age is a # and we waz texting the other day ask me for a pic and I said you tske me on a date or no pic and he said i got to plan it. But lately he doesnt text as much and I am confused please help me what I should do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2020): Some guys get the idea that all women who are single are gagging for sex, so they will "help them out" by giving them some. Many men of 21 are only after sex and not up to the job of earning a good living, being responsible, taking care of a woman or falling in love.
Eight years is a small age gap if you are grown up yourself but you are not. You did not see any of these negatives or warning signs, you needed someone older and wiser to see them for you. Grandma has probably seen him try it on with other single mothers in the past.
You are not into giving him instant rude pics or sex so he loses interest - can you not see that? When I get a guy try this stuff on with me I tell him to go to the nearest brothel and pay there... once he has saved up enough money.
Your responsibility is your kids, in order to take care of them properly you first need to take care of yourself.
This guy is not interested in spending money, getting to know you or dating, he just wants someone local for free sex. If his own family warn people against him what does that tell you? Usually family are quick to only see the good in their own.
Some women are way too quick to trust men and see the good in them, even if there is no good in them to see. Don't judge him only by things like he has a job or he has a family or he goes to church or he does not swear or he has a nice smile, there has to be a whole lot more before he is worthy of being intimate with or seeing regularly. Get a guy to prove himself to you before you ever go further than chatting. As for bombarding you with texts for two weeks, that is hardly time consuming and does not cost him a penny. A few minutes here and there. So what? A real date would have been quite ordinary but far more.
One of the most important things you need to find in your next guy is that he is not a sleazeball and that he can pay his way. You have enough problems being a single mother of two kids without worrying about more.
You need a guy who likes kids and is genuinely interested in being a father to your two, not just wanting you now and then when it suits.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2020): I agree with both CindyCares, Honeypie, AND Gramma!!!
You are an experienced young-woman caring for two children. He is an inexperienced-guy who only sees you; but not your attached responsibilities. If you get attached, and he doesn't; then you're left getting over this situation with two young kids depending on you while you're getting over a "boy!" Chronologically, he's not that much younger...but emotionally? That's another story. Grandmother in her wisdom knows her grandson and she intervened for more reasons than you may be able to perceive. Of course you're likely to ignore all of us, as will he. He hasn't even decided what kind of date he'd take you on...in my experience, that's a sure sign of immaturity and a potential-player. You don't ask anyone out without a plan. You haven't even gotten to know each other, and you're asking for pictures?
Suddenly he's showing no interest, and that was only after you refused to send him a pic. You are the mother of two children, you have no time for games! Grandmother told you to tell him get lost; because she knows the "boy!"
He already has you wondering what's up? If you've got to wonder, that's a warning in itself???
Take heed to our advice...especially that coming from his grandmother! She's minding your children. If you ignore her, don't be surprised if she suddenly decides to stop! She's looking-out for all involved. If things went south with you and sonny-boy; the last thing you'd want to hear from granny is "I told you so!!!"
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 July 2020):
 I say you should listen to his grandma and give him a wide berth, it's a bit too obvious what he is up to. He is young and ( probably ) immature, and into instant gratification like most people his age. That's why he was coming on strong.. and feeding you old lines : " friendship or more ", ah ! well, what did you expect him to say : " I want to get laid, real bad " ?
But, as usual, actions speak louder than words, and , the moment you refuse to send him wanking material, in fact you remind him that he is supposed to take you on a date... he cools down, drags his feet and " has got to plan it ". Yeah sure, because it takes a whole lot of planning to call some restaurant and book a table, right ? or, actually, if we want to keep it simpler and more appropriate to the pockets of a 21 y.o, it takes such a lot of planning to say " Ok, I'll pick you up tomorrow, we'll buy ice cream cones and stroll in the park " !
This guy sounds so keen to take you on a date as he would be keen to take ME on a date.
I am sure that , at 29, you are old enough to have noticed that some times people say things without meaning them- particularly if they want to get something from you and saying those things is a shortcut to get their wish.
This is not an invitation to paranoia, but, considering how particularly vulnerable you are as a single mother of two, to be alert and discriminating in your choice of partners, and to remember that talk is cheap, -it's easy to promise you the moon and the stars- but it's also easy to see if they back up the promise with their behaviour, or not !
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (15 July 2020):
 I liked your no date no picture line, but is it enough? Hook up culture leads to physical intimacy in advance of emotional intimacy. And that is where people get hurt. (sorry, my demi is showing through)
at 29 you shouldn't need a granny to protect you. Unless you are so desperate for some attention that you are willing to take those risks.
My advice is to carefully consider the advice you are getting, including mine. At 21 I went to work and supported a family the size of yours, it's not impossible. I also wasn't living in my granny's basement.
On a lighter side one woman said she was going to propose to the next man that delivered a pizza to her. Because he would have 3 qualities her previous men didn't have.
He has a car. He has a job. And he knows how to get food.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (15 July 2020):
 Send this child back to his grandma. He is far too immature to get involved with a mother of 2 children. His grandma knows him better than you do. She is trying to protect you.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (15 July 2020):
 Normally I would go along with 8 years is not really a huge age gap when it come's to dating. But in this case judging by what you have said he seems a million miles away from you as far as maturity is concerned.
Honeypie is right, he does not text a lot these days because you have not sent the pics he wanted. As for the date he said he has got to plan, well I don't think he has got any intention of planning anything at all.
I would advise not taking anything further with him, and take the grandmothers advice.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 July 2020):
 He is 21, OP
He sounds immature and honestly? Like someone who wants to take advantage of the situation for some "fun". You are a single mother of 2 kids, so you probably don't have much time for dating or meeting a proper guy.
If his grand ma baby sits for you and you want a decent a relationship with her, I'd LISTEN to what she says and tell him to date someone his own age.
He doesn't text a lot these days because you didn't send him "pics" - seriously, OP can you not see that this guy is just looking for something easy and convenient? You live RIGHT there, you obviously is naïve enough to think that IF a guy says (before EVEN knowing you) that he wants a relationship, that he ACTUALLY wants one.
He "invested 2 weeks of constant texting" in hopes of getting pics and/or sex"
Once he gets those, he'll move on.
You are a MOTHER of 2 kids. So you need to think and be WAY more critical when looking for a new partner. It's not just YOU, you have to think about - it's all 3 of you.
His grand mother is right, tell him to fob off.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2020): So, apart from anything else, if a guy asks you for a 'pic' then I assume he means your naked body???
And your reply to that was 'take me out and then you can have one'?
So all a man has to do to see you naked is buy you a meal?? He will then have a picture of you he can share with his friends, post on the internet etc etc. And he can't even be bothered to plan ONE date to get this picture which, by the way, should never be sent to anyone! Let alone a man whom you know absolutely nothing about and does not want to build any kind of meaningful closeness with you first!
I tell you who does know this man....his grandma! Do you think she might be trying to tell you to get rid of him for your own sake? To protect you from him?
And I'll try to tell you something too. Put much, much more value on yourself than you are doing. A woman who allows a man to have her naked image for all to see after ONE date, that he can't even be arsed to plan, thinks very little of herself and will come across to any man as desperate, insecure and as having no self-esteem. He will think absolutely nothing of you for treating yourself so cheaply.
Save nakedness for a man who loves and cares for you and then he only sees your body in private and in person.
Wise up, grow up and learn how to value yourself, so you can teach your children that this is not how to behave.
Oh and in answer to your question, get rid of him. He is a low life scum, who has backed off himself now, because all he wanted was your naked image and all he was prepared to do to get it was to text you a lot. Bloody hell.
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