A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, I met this guy and feel like there was an attraction between is. Since then, we've been chatting on Facebook and I feel well probably do coffee or something at some point. I know I'm getting a little ahead, but I've been thinking if I should continue getting involved with him. He's 30 so older than me. My closest friend does not seem to approve, though she can be cynical, and I can guarantee my family would not as they would think he's far too old. He also doesn't seem particularly my type. He seems quite outgoing, sporty, etc where I'm more quite and intellectual. On the other hand, I got out of a long term relationship about a month ago and am looking to get back out there. (I'm quite over the relationship, it was time to end haha so it's not a rebound).of course, I wouldn't be going out expecting to marry this guy, just have fun, be social again after what was quite an isolating relationship.Should I just have some fun with this guy, or back off?
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male
reader, Karlos83  +, writes (26 July 2015):
 There's nothing wrong with the age gap, people who disapprove are just as you said, "cynical". I'm 31 and my fiance has just turned 23 this month (for the record anyway not that it's relevant). It's your life and you're an adult, and it doesn't sound like you're rushing into things really by considering going for a coffee with him at some point (believe me I've come across far senseless plans for a first date). If you keep to the pace and maintain the attitude you are and have now, then not a lot can go wrong really. If he turns out to be a jerk and wanting more than you're ready for then get rid (better to find out sooner rather than later), if he seems to be ticking all the boxes for you then give things a shot.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 July 2015):
 How about just spend some time in real life with him before deciding what to do. You met him once and all the rest seems to be based on chat information.
Do the old-fashioned thing of making him ask you out on a proper date, perhaps suggest a double date with your best friend and her boyfriend and go from there. Even if it is just coffee.
How involved can you be with a guy you've never actually gone on a date with?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2015): Switch places with him and re-ask the question. How would you feel being strung along?
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 July 2015):
 If you seem to have a good chemistry then what's the harm in getting to know him better? You're not dating a guy to make your family and friends happy are you? You're dating them because they make you happy and if this guy makes you happy, then by all means give it a shot. You never know, sometimes people with different personalities might really gel well. My fiance for instance is extremely reserved and an introvert while I'm very different and yet we seem to make things work brilliantly. Might just be the same for you.
Don't get into it thinking too much. You're not looking at marriage in any case, it's just about dating someone casually so go for it. Just make sure the guy is right, practice safe sex if and when you decide to get physical and don't let anyone take advantage of you. Other than that, have fun!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2015): I'm going to approach your question from a different angle. I think you already know that as a adult you make your own decisions. You don't need to ask anyone's permission whom you should date, accept from the person you want to date.
It isn't his age you should take so much into account; but his character. Is he respectful, considerate, kind, and forthcoming about who he is; and what he wants from you?
You broke-up a relationship only a month ago, and WiseOwlE knows that it takes time to get past that grief, hard-ache, and to completely detach. You may be telling yourself you're ready; but it's your subconscious-mind that
really sets the course, knows when you're ready, and makes your decisions. It knows your motives and intentions, long before you execute them and put them into motion. It knows your feelings beneath the surface, and it also can disguise your true feelings to allow you do foolish things. Once your subconscious is convinced that you are healthy and able, you can date whomever you please; and you will have fun because you are well and healed from the inside out. So I ask...are you?
Can you date this man, and truly enjoy his company and companionship without neediness or allowing yourself to seek him as a crutch and a painkiller from your past breakup? Surely you can have fun; but being an adult, there are a lot of other things that will be involved beyond that.
Just how mentally and emotionally are you prepared for dating an older and more experienced individual? Are you seeking safety or a place to rest? Or, do you need emotional uplifting; and have enough on the ball you can still see the red-flags? Can you still set boundaries, and can you think on your feet, and not just follow your impulses?
Hey, I'm all for dinner, dancing, and nice conversation. However; he's a man. He will want romance and sex. Are you ready for that?
So whether you back-off, depends on how far you've moved forward from that breakup, my dear.
You have to have all faculties in full function; and also let him know that you're not ready for anything serious and you're getting back on track. Take things slow and mind your emotions; because after a breakup; grief seeks relief and often in the wrong places and with the wrong people.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 July 2015):
 Do you date guys to impress friends or family? Or for yourself?
He may not be (at first glance) a good match. He may not be a good match once you meet in person. OR he might surprise you and be a decent fella.
The biggest disadvantage in dating someone older can be that they "think" they know everything and you.. know nothing and thus treat you that way. Or guys who look for younger women can be the kind of guy who CAN'T hand a more mature woman or mature relationship.
I'd say JUST go slow. See what unfolds. And don't accept any more crap from this guy than you would for a peer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question*I'm 21, he's 30, to be clear
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A
male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (26 July 2015):
 Is he 30 years old or 30 years OLDER?!
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