A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone ive been with my boyfriend for 3 year now we have a daughter together.Lately i dont feel the same way about him.The problem is his mate is always at our house. I finish work on a weekend on a morning, get home, and his mate is there.I finish work on a night I get home and he goes to his mates.I work 2 jobs as well as more or less bringing our daughter up alone. He never spends any time with me or our daughter I ask him should we go for something to eat or go to the park all he ever says is I can't be bothered.His mate comes to the door, asks, "Do you want to go to the park?" He's there like a shot.He is nearly 30 yr old but acts like a stupid teenager.Any advice, as I feel so miserable lately? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2016): Immature is being 19yo and acting 16yo.
This guy is 30yo and acting like a selfish indifferent 30yo.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2016): He may be with you under obligation. You both have a child together; but that doesn't mean he wants to live like a married-couple. You claim he's acting like a stupid teenager? I may agree, to some degree. Surely he showed this immaturity before bringing a kid into this world?
It seems more like a guy who became a father before he was ready; and forced to be a make-believe husband, because he has no choice.
I disagree that you can't leave him. That's up to you if you don't feel love. He may care for the child, but not necessarily want to be tied-down in a make-believe marriage. He wants to go out and play with his friends. If the friend is always there, it's because they share a bond you don't have.
The friend feels he's trapped, and he's helping him through the misery. If they go back to childhood, the bond is like brothers. Men do take longer to grow up than women. They are also slow to commit to domestic life. If forced to be a father by an unplanned pregnancy; they may want the kid, but not the mother. If she uses the kid as a pawn, that's her karma for entrapping someone she felt too insecure whether he'd stay or not.
Look back on the relationship from the beginning to now. Then decide what to do. Was your relationship designed for family-life, or did you decide that's what it should be? All evidence shows it wasn't much his decision; but all a matter of a series of circumstances leading to this point.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2016): I know it is not easy to leave him for childs sake as it needs a father figure at home no matter how rubbish he is as a father but to be honest I agree with honeypie he seems to be so shallow and doesnt care for you. My advice is sit him and give him an altimatum that he must make fundimental changes or he has to go and if neccesary leave him till he accepts to take responsibility as a grown man.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2016): Men grow up slower than women. It may take him a few years to actually mature to where you want him. If you love him, then be patient and stay with him. If not, then leave. You don't need to be with someone who isn't ready to be with you and take on the responsibilities of being a husband and father.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (11 September 2016):
 Tell him "can't be bothered" is not an option. He is a father now and needs to take some responsibility for the life he created.
My guess is you are too worried about upsetting him to confront him. What is the worst that can happen? You two may split up. So how will you be worse off? It will leave you free to find an adult partner who takes on his fair share of responsibilities in the relationship.
You never know: a good kick up the backside might just make him realise what he stands to lose and shake him out of his childish apathy towards you and his daughter.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 September 2016):
 Why not BE a single mother then? Kick him out (or move out) and take care of you and your daughter. (and file for child maintenance).
He is acting this way because he thinks it's OK and because he has gotten away with it this long.
Having a child doesn't mature a man who doesn't REALLY want to be a father.
Personally, I'd end it. It seems like you are raising two children, you daughter and the man-child that is your BF.
My guess is THAT is why you are miserable.
Next time do not have a baby with someone who isn't being a good partner. My guess is, he wasn't a stellar partner before the baby and he isn't after.
...............................
A
male
reader, Over 50 advice +, writes (11 September 2016):
 I think you answered your own question, he isn't going to change into the person you want. You know that because of the three years together. He doesn't have the time to be bothered? Well it's time to tell him how thing's are affecting you, your still young don't be afraid of a fresh start, You and your daughter deserve better, think about what both of you need at this time and make the changes for it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2016): Kick him out. End the relationship. Your not really in a relationship are you, you are just having to be a mother to a 30 yr old and it is just a disappointment. Seriously focus on you and your daughter and stop putting up with someone who doesn't show any interest in you or bringing up his child.
...............................
|
