A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriends parents are due from overseas to visit and stay over christmas. It will be the third time I have met them and we get on great. I have now discovered my girlfriend is having relationships and sexual conversations with strangers over the internet and looks to be enjoying swapping photos of a sexual nature. When would it be better to tell her what I have seen. It is a bad time with her parents visiting for christmas. I think theres every chance I will be walking out and leaving her. I feel betrayed and disgusted at her. What do I say and when do I say it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): relationships are never the same again once things like this happen. you are better off breaking up. people like her cause paranoia and then cannot handle their partners suspicion. get somebody you wont have to watch over constantly. not everyone is like her.
A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (19 December 2012):
You could try having a talk to her about it first. If you do, then stay calm. Unfortunately, more often than not under these circumstances, lies, defensive aggression, talking bull shit or blaming you for their action can add insult to injury. Most people who play her games are never sorry for anything, unless it hurts them. If that`s the case and she tries to defend what is unacceptable, then you will have to be prepared to leave. I would do it now instead of letting it build up. It seems you like her parents, hence your apprehension to confront her just yet. It is still better to deal with it soon.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (19 December 2012):
 Deal with it now. They're not there yet, and perhaps she could go to them for Christmas and save them a trip. Presumably they are in their 60s or even 70s?
You know what you know and it's silly to pretend you don't.
Think about your options first. Come up with some contingency plans and then have the much-needed discussion with her.
"I know what you have been doing on the internet and I feel betrayed and disgusted. I cannot go on pretending everything is okay when it is not. I want this to happen ...... [fill in your plans here]."
Good luck with this difficult discussion.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (19 December 2012):
 What is the living arrangement? I'm assuming you two live together, but who would be the one to move out? Because if her parents were coming and she was the one to move out, then that would get messy.
Out of respect to her parents, I wouldn't let shit hit the fan during their visit. They're innocent bystanders in all this. You could give them a bit of your time while they are there, then excuse yourself to visit your family too. That way you only grin and bear it for so long, but also have a chance to get away.
HOWEVER if you cannot stand it any longer, go ahead and confront her now. Then sort every thing out that needs to be divided up, move out, whatever. Then she can let her parents know to put their ticket on hold for another time.
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A
female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (19 December 2012):
If her parents mention anything to you, that`s if you see them, then tell them the truth. Sometimes in laws do not automatically turn against you, because they probably know her and what she is capable of far better than you do. Whatever happens they are your soon to be ex`s family and not your problem. Do not let her give you any shit either. She cannot be trusted.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): okay dude, do you really want to be sitting there pretending to enjoy your christmas turkey? it`s up to her to sort her parents out, not you. it isn't your fault that she`s got a fetish for cyber cheating. you will probably never ever get the truth from her.
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A
male
reader, SumGuy +, writes (19 December 2012):
Show her the same respect she has shown you and dump her.
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A
female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (19 December 2012):
 I would just leave now. When you do challenge expect to hear a full on lie. If she realises that telling lies is useless, that is when she may try to switch the blame to you. Expect the "didnt pay me enough attention" line or "made me feel undesirable" excuse. Whatever you hear, do not at any time believe that any of it is your fault. She is a liar and a cheat, and that is all there is to it. Her parents are not your problem.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 December 2012):
 You're good. I can never keep things in, once i found out about lying and cheating, I'd be so up in my partners face they wouldn't have time to think
Since she did not care about your feelings when she lied and cheated on you, why do you care about hers?
If you have family and friends... go now. no need for you to be miserable so they can have a nice holiday.
I would tell her right away and let her know you are leaving too.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (19 December 2012):
 Hi
Your girlfriend hasn't considered your feelings so why consider hers? Why have a miserable christmas just to protect her and her parents when you can confront your girlfriend and leave if you want to, before then?
There is never a good time for these things and she is the one who has abused your trust and the relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): She showed you and the relationship no respect so why do you want to help her out by staying till after her parents leave.
If you have made up your mind th erelationship is over, pack up and leave if the place is hers or throw her sorry **s out if you own the place.
Either way do you want to spend christmas with her, how can you carry on as if things are okay when you know the truth.
Get rid of her and move on.
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A
male
reader, somewhere_between +, writes (19 December 2012):
 Have you bought and paid for her christmas present yet? If you havent, then save yourself the time and money and dump her now. She probably wont tell her parents the truth and you will look like the bad guy no matter what time of year it is. That`s unless you want to sit there with a false smile on your face all through christmas.
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A
male
reader, nudist1 +, writes (19 December 2012):
Number one, its not about her parents, your situation is about your relationship with your girlfriend right ? I think the proper thing is to spend time with the parents for the holiday. Then when they're gone, sit down with her, tell her everything that you think you know. Then stop talking and let her explain what her side is. Then if it makes sense and she confesses of whats been going on, give her a chance to change. Everyone makes mistakes and explores sexual fantasy's , if she hasn't cheated on you physically, then she deserves a chance , talk first !
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (19 December 2012):
 So you intend letting it all stew up in your brain, at least until after her parents have left? You must be very good at keeping your lid on. She is the one who has messed up your relationship. You have nothing to feel apologetic for. Dump her at your own leisure. When it suits you best.
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