A
male
age
41-50,
*ebo
writes:my wife has been working as an escort since 2009 and is quite satisfied with what she does. it causes no problems in our marriage. we are financially stable now and invest 75 percent of everything she makes. she pays her taxes and even lists her occupation on the irs form as ESCORT! she is not ashamed of being an escort and actually enjoys what she does. she likes sex and like getting paid for having sex. what could be the problem you say??? her mother has caught on the winds of rumor that my wife has been escorting. my wife's sister has known about this a long time and is pretty cool with it. so, my wife needs to talk to her mom about it....so how does she do it? the main problem is her mom has gone fundamentalist christian crazy and that combined with a trait of being dominating and opinionated (only her opinion counts or that of her preacher's) makes her impossible to communicate with in any meaningful way. my wife is not a christian and i have never been one and will never be one....it is a horror to grim to contemplate...i shudder at the thought. whoops, i am off on that perfidious tangent! i seem to never to be able to stay on topic....i have a rambling mind. damn, there i go again. so, i think my wife should not even try to talk to her mom about it and just tell her it is not her business. she is not so sure. her sister agrees with me. i say hunt down the culprit that spilled the beans and hang him from the old gum tree....teach 'em to keep their trap shut. damn on the tangent again. anyway...any suggestions? don't bother with the "don't escort" answers, my wife loves her job. is there any way to have a sensible talk with her mom? i am pessimistic, but my wife will read the answers. she knows how if feel. one thing, her mom pretty much broke their relationship years ago with her religious mania, long before the escorting started. my wife started escorting because it had always fascinated her and she wanted to give it a go and see what it was like. the company i worked for went out of business and my wife went into business. i was braced for problems, but none occurred and in the bedroom, my wife was even more impassioned than before so i couldn't complain there. dang, she how that question ended up in the middle way up there than down here at the end. now one can see why i don't write for a living.
View related questions:
christian, escort Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 May 2012):
 A few more concerns for your wife. What's the longevity of an escort career and does she have enough money to invest in something that grows continually? What would her response be if her mom says she wants nothing to do with her unless she quits? Does her mom have health problems that could be exacerbated if she heard such disheartening news?
A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (17 May 2012):
 My sympathies are with her mother, in this case. I do think that every mother has the right to know what her daughter does for a living and it's normal to be concerned, if not horrified, if she's working as a prostitute. This has nothing to do with religious fundamentalism. I'm an atheist and I'd be shattered if my daughter were a prostitute.
It's probably legal in your country and if you're happy about it, that's great. I just feel sorry for your wife's mother. The best thing to do would be to strongly deny the rumours, to spare her feelings. If that cannot be done, then try to water it down, by saying that your wife goes on dates, like the other Agony Aunt said.
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (17 May 2012):
 I think your wife is old enough to do whatever she wants. There is no need to discuss anything with the mother.
Now, the mother is also old enough to have her own opinions and act in consequence. If she doesn't like her daughter escorting, what exactly do you want to do to make her like it?
...............................
A
female
reader, Melody066  +, writes (17 May 2012):
Your wife is an adult. If she wants to escourt, then she can escourt. If her mom doesnt like it, her mom doesnt like it. Not much you can do. If the mother insists on knowing, then I would say tell her. However, be prepared for an explosion. If she's that religious, she will dislike the idea immensely. Any mother would find the situation odd and worrying (Your wife is having sex with other men for money while claiming to be happy with you...anyone would need time to digest that)If you can make this work, then I say all the more power to you. But be prepared for her mother to talk about it...to everyone. Most especially her pastor. So if your wife is truly confident in her job, then yes tell her mother. But if she doesnt want the whole town talking or praying for her, then no, dont.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2012): Your wife should tell her mother firmly that YES she is an escort and no she isn't going to change her vocation just to suit mommy's judgmental intrusive opinions. And that if mommy insists on behaving in a non-loving, hateful and emotionally-abusive way to her own daughter, then the daughter will have no choice but to shut mommy out of her life.I don't mean to make it sound so confrontational. I think your wife should not take a confrontational tone because that would be stooping to the level of her mother. Your wife should tell her mother that she appreciates her care and concern BUT she isn't going to change her life just for her. She respects her mother's opinions so therefore her mother should respect her opinions too. Give her mother a chance to be peaceful.But if the mother refuses to accept your wife's life choices (which I suspect will be the case) and insists on inserting herself into your lives and trying to change her daughter (which I also suspect will be the case) then make it clear this is crossing the line. There are certain boundaries that should be respected. If her mother refuses to respect this and starts crossing all kinds of boundaries, then your wife is perfectly within her right to cut off contact with her mother, and it would not be her fault it would be the mother's fault for creating this fall out from her behavior.
...............................
A
female
reader, lover06 +, writes (17 May 2012):
I dont see why she would talk to the mother she is a grown ass married woman , what she does is her and her husband in that case your business. Mother should stay out of it thou on offense to her, i dont think there is a good or nice way to tell your mother.
good luck and all the best . :)
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (17 May 2012):
You braced yourself for financial trouble, for bedroom problems, so how bad could a mother-in-law be? I don't think it's fun to keep your mouth shut if her mother keeps banging at this issue. Everyone knows what an escort is. The tension would keep going until she knows the truth. Yes, she is happy, but no she is not quitting. Saying this over and over is not that difficult. I would suggest your wife to just talk matter of factly and if her mother gets too emotional she has to detach from it, like watching a movie knowing that the monster won't actually kill you, the sound effects won't will you. There is nothing to discuss. She is simply volunteering information. It's just that if your wife is not ashamed of what she is doing, she should show this side of her to her mom. She has to be so adamant that not even her mom's tears would stop her. Her other concern is that nobody else knows about it. Mothers care about what others would say. A lot of people think that prostitutes come from messed up backgrounds and unruly families. Her mom would be afraid of people judging her, like what kind of mom lets her daughter to this and not stop this.
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (16 May 2012):
 Even if your mother-in-law has heard about your wife's profession, WHY does your wife feel the need to talk to her mother about it? Does she feel she has to justify what she is doing, perhaps?
My suggestion is that she refuse to talk to her mother about it. If her mother wants to talk to HER, your wife should politely tell her its not up for discussion - and since that will go down like a ton of bricks, no doubt, leave the room.
BTW don't judge all Christians by the fundamentalists! There are a great many of us who think their interpretation of the Bible is completely mistaken - they have their own agenda to pursue, and it ain't pretty - you only have to read the newspapers and look at the far right and Teaparty Republicans if you want proof of their flawed ideas......
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 May 2012):
 What's the difference between a escort who gets paid for sex and a prostitute?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2012): well I'm 24 and an escourt and my mum knows-she dosent approve at all but she supports me co I'm her daughter-her mum might suprise you,you know
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 May 2012):
 I must admit you have a great sense off humour when you write, you managed to make me smile anyway. I think I have to agree with you when it comes to her mother. Well I think her mother is set in her old ways and I think that it will hurt her if your wife was to confirm that she is an escort. I know it is never good lying to our parents, I think in this case she should tell her it is not true, and not to be listening to others. If she is not comfortable with that, then maybe she could say she is an Escort for lonely people but that she only goes on dates with them and not actually having sex with them, it might ease things a bit for her mother. As long as you are happy in your marriage and your wife is doing everything above board and legal and she is safe then good luck to you both.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 May 2012):
 I think that THIS is the most critical phrase in your whole submittal: ".... so, my wife needs to talk to her mom about it..."
IF your wife was making doughnuts at a local Dunkin' Donuts, would you "say" the same thing????? IF not, then WHY do you suppose that you and/or your wife has to say a darn thing to her Mother about what she does for a vocation??????
...............................
|
