A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is this as bad as i think it is? i have been on and off with a guy who is a bit older than me for 4 yrs now and there is the same cycle every couple of weeks..........he goes mental at me for sumfin silly and acts like a physco he'll threaten me and call me every name he can think off he will ring me constantly and txt me the most abusive txt msgs. Then once he seems to have calmed dwn he will apologise cry his eyes out and be really nice and kind again i think he completely manipulates me as i take him back every time and beleive that he wont do it again then it starts up again!!!! For instance im goin to my best friends dads wedding reception and we are both low on money as i could only get a lend of a little money he said he wasnt goin as it wudnt be enough money and cudnt get a lend of any then last nite he suddenly went mad sayin he was goin?? he confuses me and i feel like he picks on me for no reason...i keep puttin up wif this as i just wish it wud stp!do arguments usually go this far in other ppl's relationships?he has been violent in the past although this has stopped the mood swings and mental abuse hasnt but it only seems to be when he fights with me.Please give me some adviceThanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2012): "Is this as bad as i think it is?"If you have to ask, it's a lot worse. "do arguments usually go this far in other people's relationships?"No. Other people would have stopped believing it won't happen again and therefore dumped him for good exactly two weeks short of four years ago, when it happened again for the first, and therefore (to other people) last, time."he has been violent in the past although this has stopped the mood swings and mental abuse hasnt but it only seems to be when he fights with me."Above statement would be unintentionally hilarious if it wasn't so heartbreakingly sad."Is this as bad as i think it is?"It's so bad, it's literally beyond your comprehension and my imagination. "Please give me some advice"Go to the nearest police station, fire station or hospital emergency room and request to be transported to the nearest domestic violence shelter or safe house. As things stand, that's your only chance and your only hope. Please find a way to get the immediate help you so desperately need.
A
female
reader, In.love.with.him  +, writes (16 May 2012):
 Choose not to argue let him think he is right all of the time but I'm sure you won't like that and you will want to leave sooner or later. Better sooner than later he has anger issues that you can't change you can't even get him to get help he's gotta want it. Goodluck talk to him family if you are able to trust them I'm sure he picked it up in childhood though trust me I already know why my brothers are a little crazy at times
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 May 2012):
 It sounds to me like he has major issues with his anger. He really needs to get help with this or it will destroy the relationship. Am surprised you are still around if this happens every few weeks. Tell him is anger problems are getting to you and it is ruining your relationship. Explain if he does not get help then the relationship will be over and stick to your word. This is all to do with his mental health, I think he needs to go and talk to a therapist about his issues or enroll on an anger management course, as this anger seems to keep building up until he lets it all out in one go and then he feels guilty after it. There are underlying issues here that needs to be sorted before this relationship can continue. If you want to be there for him well then both try couple therapy. Good luck.
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