A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife's mom died a month ago and she didn't want to anything sexual, she wouldn't even let me see her naked. Anyway one night I was really horny.and my wife was washing dishes. Well I went behind her and grabbed her breasts (she usually hates me when I do that). Then she push me off. We begun fighting about everything that's wrong with our marriage. She started crying then kick me out. I'm really mad at her cause she's being selfish when all I want to do is make love with her. Do you agree with me that she's being a bitch?
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male
reader, heartbrokendunowhattodo  +, writes (18 July 2009):
give her time, apologize for grabbing her breasts, especially since you know she doesnt like it, its the worst time to do that, just try to show her you care, and cuddle her and be symphathetic in time she will come around and if you support her and look after her, she will be much more appreciative of you in the future
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): you did something she hates anyway while she's grieving for her mother. you are so selfish, if this is even real because i can't believe that even the most insensitive man would actually do that
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): Shes in mourning, shes understandably upset and shocked from her mothers death. You are her husband and if you really love her you would respect her and not be so selfish and demand sex! especially grabbing her boobs when you know she hates it, at such a bad time for her. You should be more considerate for your wife in her time of need, your her partner and should support her! not only think about yourself! if i was her, i'd kick you out too, i dont blame her, i'd be disgusted you even tried knowingly. Sort it out and apologise, dont be selfish think about her for once!
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A
male
reader, wherestheinstructions?  +, writes (17 July 2009):
She's not being a bitch but you're acting like a fool. You say you want to make love with her, but your actions are saying that you just want sex - she's there physically and you don't think her emotional state matters as long as she lies there whilst you get your pleasure.
Right now, she is emotionally crushed and cannot relate to you on the emotional level that she needs to for your initimate relationship - that's just the way it is, and if you don't accept it and be there for her, then you will make things worse, and she will eventually move on to a man who shows her more respect and understanding.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (17 July 2009):
 “Love is patient; love is kind
and envies no one.
Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
never selfish, not quick to take offense.
There is nothing love cannot face;
there is no limit to its faith,
its hope, and endurance."
She's a young wife (if she is the same as you) and she is in mourning. It's a bit of a shock to lose a Mom when you are still in your twenties, I am 54 and still have my Mum! Not everything runs like clockwork, especially when you lose someone dear to you. There is no timetable for mourning, no proper length of time or predictable path. I wouldn't ask her "when she is going to get over it" (and I hope to God that doesn't sound familiar to you...). She might be fine in a month, it might take longer, or she may experience mood swings for the next year or two over losing her Mom. You need to recognize that every marriage is going to have lulls in the sex department, especially when the person is grieving over their parent.
Grabbing her boobs, ESPECIALLY when you KNOW she hates it, at a totally inappropriate time in her life isn't going to get you the reaction that you wanted - which was to make love. The reaction that you KNEW you would get provoked a fight between you when she needs your compassion and support. She had every right to be mad. You need to apologize to her and start being her husband, lots of help around the kitchen (why was she washing the dishes - did you do the cooking?) and TLC - AND stop pressuring her for sex. When she is feeling up to it, and you have stopped being selfish by putting HER needs before yours right now - then she'll come to you willingly.
At some point, she will be taking care of you during a crisis and I'm sure she will reciprocate all the love and tenderness that you have shown to her during her time of need, because that's what wives and husbands do for each other.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): i dont understand AT ALL.
Her mother has just died. Show some respect, for your wife and her mother. If your mother died i dont think you would be feeling too horny yourself.
I cant believe this question.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): You're kidding right? She just lost her mother a month ago, you're supposed to be her SUPPORT.
I'm sure you're feeling very neglected and unloved right now, but you have to understand she is NOT going to be into sex at the moment. She's grieving, she is most likely devastated and finding it hard to live day to day right now, and you're grabbing her breasts?
Try helping out around the house, offering to talk, make her dinner, do things that will make her feel better. If you KNEW she hates it normally when you grab her breasts, what makes you think it would be any different after her mother's just died?
Stop being so selfish.
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A
male
reader, quarky +, writes (17 July 2009):
 I'm amazed you find it such an issue.
Put yourself in her shoes-the very last thing on her mind right now is sorting out your horniness.
If you're that desperate, sort yourself out then give her the support and love she needs from you right now. She needs you to do that for her - be man enough to provide that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): Her mom just died!
You seem to be the selfish one.all you can think of is the physical stuff and not the emotional pain your wife is going through at the moment and yet you say she hates it when you grab her boobs and at the worst possible time you do it anyway!
sorry rant over now for the advice...
You really need to leave her alone at this point.Shes grieving and you didnt help the situation.I understand you wanting to make love to her but is this really the best time shes going to be comfortable around you and wanting to have sex? No.people grieve in different ways.someone will want to have sex all day and someone else will want to grieve in silence like your wife and not want to do anything fun for a while.all you need to do at this moment is REALLY apologise for what you did,that you werent being sensitive and understanding of what shes going through.
As Tisha said you need to talk to her and really listen to her to what she has to say.if you feel as though you cant handle things like that not being physical for a bit then if you wish to do so leave.if not then be an understanding husband and help her with things such as drying the dishes,getting her flowers and doing nice but simple things like the housework that she will love you even more for that.
good luck
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (17 July 2009):
 She's still sad about her mother. When they lose someone, some people feel bad to go on with their lives as usual; it feels selfish. Give her time.
Grabbing her breasts was a bad idea. You were trying to force her into sex.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): its only been a month, cmon, take it easy on her, just go back with some roses, then apologize, do the dishes, and maybe another month or so, shell loosen up, and no, i don't agree, she's not a bitch, she's just really really sad, she needs some time 2 grieve
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): no i dont agree with you, you sound disgusting and selfish.
she has lost her mum, i cant even begin to imagine the pain she is going through, she is grieving and neeeds time, love and support, not a husband who pressures her for sex.
put yourself in her position, youd want to feel cared for right? not like youre being used for something your partner is interested in when you are feeling so low.
you should be making her happy, not angry.
grow up and show her some respect. she deserves someone who is going to look after her a lot better than you are!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (17 July 2009):
 Next time, instead of grabbing at her breasts, grab one of the dishes and start washing or drying it. That's probably a better idea for you right now than physical gestures that aren't welcomed.
She's grieving, she's unhappy, what kind of support have you provided for her throughout this?
And why wouldn't you try to talk to her sensibly and gently about how you're feeling, rather than pushing the issue in such a clumsy way, when you know it angers her? I don't understand what is difficult about talking in a calm, loving and gentle manner with her.
I understand you're angry. I can understand your point, you feel unloved and ignored. And horny, obviously. But there are far better approaches to this than deliberately provoking a fight. I'm sure she needs gentle treatment right now, not rough pawing.
If you are convinced that you're right, you will never resolve this. Get that discussion going. Talk about it with her, but spend a good deal of time LISTENING. And that means active listening, where you are completely focused on what she is saying, and not silently thinking of the ways you can argue with what she's saying. Try to understand her point of view, her feelings. That will get you laid much more effectively than an unwanted breast squeeze.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): No I do not agree with you, your view is quite insensitive..
If her mum has just died then give her time to grieve, the LAST thing she would want to do is anything sexual, trust me. I think your being very selfish and only thinking about what YOU want. You need to give her time to grieve, give her some space and dont push her into anything, let her tell you when she's ready to get into sexual stuff again.
If you really love her just respect her space & give her love, without being sexual (hugs and kisses).
Hope you take my advice.
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