A
male
age
36-40,
*pple Juice
writes:I've been going out with my girlfriend now for just over 4 months. We live both live in britian but about 4 hours on the train apart. I thought we were doing fine, a few bumps on the road mostly due to my girlfriends insecurity's. On my last visit up there we celibrated our 4 month aniversary, it was great. Then a week later out of the blue she said that she wasnt sure if she loved me, then the day after she said she loved me more than ever. She's having realy big problems with her roomates, so she went to see a councerler and ended telling me that she was worried that being in a relationship with me ment that she missing out having relationships where she was. Again a day later we were better than fine again, then out of the blue again she tells me that she missed me soo much but she didnt know if she misses me as her boyfriend or misses me as her bestfriend. That she needs time to think which one she wants me as. Since then i realy havent had a clue what to do, i've tryed giving her time to herself, ive tryed trying to talk about things. It doesnt feel like we've broken up but then again it doesnt feel like we're still going out. What should i do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Apple Juice +, writes (31 January 2007):
Apple Juice is verified as being by the original poster of the question We split up yesterday
A
female
reader, Babi-G +, writes (28 January 2007):
i know what your gf is going through as i have been going through the same thing the past few months but i have also been diagnosed with severe depression which is the reason for my emotional outbursts. maybe your girlfriend does or does not have minor depression but because you dont see each other often. how often do you see each other? im also in a LDR n not seeing him hurts me more everyday which doesnt help but i never use to tell him what it was that problemed me i wud just attack him emotionally with words all the time. maybe shes scared of telling you that she doesnt see you enough and she dont like it but wont tell you because shes scared she will scare you off. shes confused im guessing theres alot shes going through or alot she wants to tell you but is finding it hard or is not quite sure how to tell you. open up to her about ur feelings and tell her she can do the same. im sure u will then talk about all the emotions in your relationship and things will soon sort out. good luck :)
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A
female
reader, melschatbox  +, writes (26 January 2007):
 4 months feels like a long time to bond, but it's not really. This could be a monumental point in your relationship as to whether it becomes something serious or was just a fling. She does sound very confused. I'm sure her roommates are tired of hearing her be sad about the distance between you two..and said "hey, you should really date someone closer". That's not the worse advice for them to give. But, you'll have to give her time to figure out what she wants. Some people just can't handle a long distance thang. Being apart, this early in your relationship can be a fire starter or the extinguisher. Hopefully, she'll realize that what you 2 have is worth holding on to. Wish you the best of luck.
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A
female
reader, rammsteinfan +, writes (26 January 2007):
 It sounds like to me that your girlfriend doesn't know what she wants. She sounds very confused to me, and her roomates are getting her even more so!
You are only 4 hours away...not like you are across the ocean from each other. What is the reason why you live so far? Maybe you could move closer to her, or vice versa. You two should have a serious talk about where you stand in this relationship, and if a closer move will solve the problem. I hope for the best for you...you deserve it!
Hugs and Luck
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A
male
reader, Apple Juice +, writes (25 January 2007):
Apple Juice is verified as being by the original poster of the question(ps i didnt say that the councerler told her to ditch me, i think it might have been a backgroud thought she had that the councerler brought out, or got her to tell me. I i didnt explain it very well
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2007): it's doubtful the counsellor told her to ditch you so that she could form relationships with other guys. Counsellors help their clients, by encouraging them to think for themselves but steering them away from negative, distructive thinking. If she said to her counsellor that she loved you and was happy, the counsellor would have encouraged it. I think it's probably the case she didn't say those things.
Either your relationship was not as good as you say it is, or your girlfriend is keeping some things from you - hense why you now feel so confused. I find this difficult myself but people always tell me you should judge people on their actions and not on what they say. Words are easy to speak, but you generally mean what you do. Stick in their but don't let her tear you up inside too long, you need to have a cutoff point when you can let go and say it's not working. I hope things work out for you. :)
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (25 January 2007):
 You only have one option. She's asked for time so you tell her you're going to give it to her. You tell her that you love her more than anything and that's why you're backing off for her to have her space and that when she's thought things through to get back in touch with you. It'll be hard but it's what she wants.
CD
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