A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i met a girl and we started goin out, and she was the first girl i ever had sex with or feel like i loved. 3 months into our relationship i was in jail for a couple weeks. while i was in jail she wnet over to a gf's house and got drunk. there was this guy there, and he was really drunk too. when they were all passing out- and this is from what she tells me- he lied down next to her and he kept putting her hand on his dick, eventually she ended up giving him a hand job, she told me that she onley did it because she was scared of ehat he would do to because he was acting belligerent. i feel that if she had truley loved me she wold have avoided cheating at all costs. afterwiords we kept going our for another year, then we broke up and are bakc together again now, do you think i should trust that she truley loves me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007): WHAT?
Hang on. It sounds like your GF may not have come from a safe and loving childhood home. So she may have experienced some physical and sexual abuse. With this...the situation with that man and giving him a hand job would make alot of sense. She just may have felt threatened and fearful of turning him down. That she was asleep and he came around (this is why I say, time and again...alcohol and sex do not mix) and began this whole mess you cannot forgive her for (you have some childhood issues as well and feel rejection and abandoned over this ONE event) and in that instance...she may have been transported back to her childhood and replaying some messed up memory where she felt and experienced the same thing.
We cannot always know what motivates an individual but in certain cases, understanding and compassion should be considered.
I think trusting in her that she would not put herself in such a situation again...is the best thing to be worrying about.
I think you both need to get some individual counselling as well as couple's counselling. Alot of cities have free walk in clinics and there are free group sessions to deal with alcohol/substance abuse, as well as how to deal with childhood issues.
I hope I was able to lend you some insight as to the whys.
Bottom line.
You decided to give her another chance and with this should be forgiveness otherwise you are just dooming you both where you let fear, insecurities, and ghost of the past rule and cloud over any chances of happiness.
Best Wishes.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007):
Holy moot point!
This was a year ago, you break and and got back together?
You are looking for an issue for whatever reason. HAve something to hold over her or something. "Truley loves me"- if you truely loved her you wouldnt be going to prison.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007): As a guy you probably find this hard to understand but she didn't do this for her or his sexual enjoyment.
When people are in situations like this they are usually driven by fear, it's instinctual, I bet she replays what happens in her mind a lot - wanting things to happen differently.
It sounds like your girlfriend was coerced in to doing this. Not her fault - but hopefully she has learnt a big lesson to not get so drunk around people she does not completely trust - things could have been a lot worse for her.
I can understand your feelings however you need to accept that she made a mistake, we all make them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2007): Hey! i can totally see how you feel, and feel betrayed that your gf has had anything sexual to do with another man. BUT as a girl who has been forced into sexual acts by someone, its a horrible experience. She probably feels dirty, humilliated, and guilty, none of which she should, but if it was anything like my experience, which sounds similar, its horrible and she probably wants you to forive and forget so she can do the same for herself.
Thats just my thoughts, if you have no other reasons to doubt her love for you, please dont let this ruin you guys!!! It is very scary and makes you feel so small and helpless to be forced sexually. Even if there are only threats of violence, but none actually. Its not nice at all!!
Hope this gives you a little insight into what she might be feeling. Also, the fact that she told you, is a good thing, if she was into it, she would have probably kept it a secret. She told u, so u can help her carry the burden!!
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A
male
reader, Dolomite +, writes (25 January 2007):
If what she is telling you is the truth, it was not cheating, it was rape. If that is the only reason you have to doubt her, I would say she deserves a pass. If there are other reasons to doubt her, that may change things. All that aside - you are the only one who can make the call. If you believe her, and trust her, great. If not, end the relationship now and save you both some trouble.
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