A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend who is quite frankly becoming a bit pathetic. She's been dating this guy for four years and he is so toxic it's unbelievable. He cheats on her like it's his job and he's just the biggest creep ever. Worst of all he hits on her friends and has sent me several sexual messages and has made it clear he would like to be friends with benefits! I am certainly not that kind of girl and would never think of doing that to another girl let alone my friend. I mean this guy is a real piece of work, she even walked in on him and another girl! She finds text messages in his phone to other women, she knows he's been sleeping with this one particular girl and she's expressed she doesn't want them hanging out anymore, yet he continues to do it. His parents absolutely hate her and treat her like a second class citizen, but she doesn't get it. It's becoming very hard to be her friend, and we can't even have a conversation without her bringing him up or saying how confused she is about what to do about their realtionship. It's clear he's keeping her around because he knows she'll sleep with him and no matter how bad he treats her she will always stick around! I don't know if I can remain friends with her how do I make it clear that I don't want to here about her relationship problems without hurting her feelings?
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female
reader, Shan25 +, writes (23 November 2009):
i have a friend like that but her man is worst he does not work because he says the government is after him and she believes him they have been together for five years now he cheats hits hers takes her checks everything it really bad but what i have learned is the more i got into her business the more she hated me so all i do now is just pray her and her kids will be okay
A
male
reader, Garm +, writes (23 November 2009):
well, first and foremost, this is about her, not you, so i would be hesitant to do anything aside from comfort her, listen, and be a good friend. that's what she needs from you right now. the better a friend you are to her, meaning the more time you spend with her and the more trust you gain from her, you will be able to influence her just by being there. don't ever tell her what to do, but when she runs to you with a problem or needs a listener then you can say "there, there, what he did is wrong," and encourage your mutual friends to do the same. a girl's friend's support can make or break her relationships even if she doesn't know it. but be careful. if you harp on him out of turn she will defend him and you will only undermine your friendship with her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): It might destroy your friendship, but you might also patch things up later on. Like the other poster: be blunt. Just tell her flat out and don't let her get away with excuses.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2009): Just talk her through what you think she should do. Don't forget that your just guiding her decision and that in the end its up to her right or wrong. Shes probably doing it because sometimes you can spend forever with a person and be really happy but then the milk turns sour and the expiry date runs out. But some people keep telling them self NO I'll drink it anyway and hope it doesnt hurt me just ignoring there usual and inevitable fate.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 November 2009):
You need to be very clear with her, no matter if it seems you're hurting her. I think you need to ask her what she wants you to do about it. And be blunt. Ask her what she wants you to do about it. Tell her that he is cheating on her, hitting on her friends, treating her like dirt and be blunt and to the point. You need a serious reaction to kick her a bit. If that doesn't work, then you have to tell her that you can no longer listen to her talk about him, because she won't listen to all the warning signs. Yes, it will hurt her, yes, it may destroy your friendship. But you don't need all this hassle, and she needs to learn.
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