A
female
age
41-50,
*cademic_moss
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He's 35 and I'm 31. We don't live together but see each other a few times a week and will stay over at the other's house on the weekends. Things the last 6 months or so have been so horrible. We basically fight everyday (I'm usually the one starts it, he does sometimes too but not as much). We've pretty much fallen apart and I don't know what to do anymore. We just can't get back on track. Because of the constant fighting his personality has changed. This man, the one I don't recognize, is cold, distant and no longer does anything to really show he cares if I'm even in the picture. He used to text me NONSTOP, now he doesn't. He used to ask me over, now he doesn't. All the things he used to do he doesn't really do anymore, and the times he does it doesn't feel the same loving way he used to do them.Last Sunday morning we got into a fight, which he started. He got angry telling me that if things don't change he's going to bounce. That he's to the point of just changing his number and moving on with his life. After he expressed himself, we talked calmly, and had a great rest of the day. Everything was fine until Tuesday night when I felt like he was blowing me off (which he'd been doing due to our fighting) and I started a fight with him through text, as to which he replied calmly. Out of hurt and anger, at that moment, I text him and told him that since he's been so miserable lately and doesn't make the effort he did 6 months ago to go ahead and change his number and move on with his life. Right after that his phone ran out of time and I haven't heard from him since. It's been 5 days today. He hasn't added time to his phone yet but I'm really shocked he didn't find a way to contact me yesterday and ask me over to stay the weekend. I'm saddened. I keep hoping he hasn't added time to his phone yet 'cause he doesn't have the money, is taking a breather away from me, and that when he adds time he'll contact me. I didn't mean what I said, it was because we've had so many issues lately that I get fed up and sometimes want to give up, too... but at the end of the day he's the one I love and want to be with. I feel like I'm fighting so hard for him, us. I don't know if we're broken up or if he'll come back. I could tell he wasn't that happy lately but he wouldn't say it. He'd get mad at me for telling him how he feels, but how he felt was obvious. I've got the money to put time on his phone, and would do that in the past if I knew he didn't have it, but this time I don't want to do that 'cause I don't really know what's going on now. Any other time he'd have found a way to invite me over and this weekend he didn't so if I add time to his phone it might make him contact me when he doesn't really want to. I just feel so sad, so lost right now. :(
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money, move on, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (2 September 2013):
 Its time for you both to take a break from the relationship. Yes it hurts but it will get better. If you go back to him, don't expect anything to change as you will been seen as desperate and he will walk all over you.
Sometimes people just need space to realise what they have lost.
A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (2 September 2013):
Sounds like he is done - but after 3 years - he owes you a face to face breakup. You can send him an email to that effect. Say you are assuming its just not working anymore and want a peaceful resolution. Closure.
Good luck. I know this is hard.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2013): yep, men and women work differently. As a man i can tell you he has moved on. Sorry but we always find a way to contact our girlfriends if we want to.It hurts now but it maybe for the best.You need to prepare yourself for the fact that he has moved on and potentially will start dating other people in the not too distant future. Find someone else who makes you happy and chalk it all up to one of lifes experiences.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (1 September 2013):
 OP you told him to move on with his life, and it sounds like that's what he's doing. That was the last communication between you, but he'd warned you before that he was ready to leave.
Yes it's a horrible ending but reading this as an outsider, it sounds like the break up is for the best. I agree with other posters that you should consider what the fights were about and then focus on how horrible you felt for the last 6 months. Doing both will help you.
All the best to you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 September 2013):
 What have you been fighting about that you argue every day? That's not healthy for a relationship.
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A
female
reader, academic_moss +, writes (1 September 2013):
academic_moss is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just don't know what to do right now. There isn't really anything I can do except drive over to his house, but I'm not going to do that unexpected, especially after 5 days of no contact. If he wanted to see me, he'd have found a way (he always did) so I'm afraid driving over will just irritate his space and make things worse. God, I love this man so much. He told me he loved me the last day we spoke, 5 days ago, so it hurts to believe he's moving on and won't ever contact me again. We've been through so much together, his mother's death and my dad having 2 massive heart attacks. We've been there for each other through some of the hardest times and it just feels like everything is gone in the blink of an eye. I just don't understand how a relationship once so passionate, and loving can turn so sour. I'm heartbroken today. :(
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 September 2013):
 Six months of "horrible" and fighting every day???? (Your submittal: "Things the last 6 months or so have been so horrible. We basically fight everyday ...")
WHY would you not stay far, far away from him? ... and get on with your life????
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (1 September 2013):
 I know you feel sad and lost and I feel for you.Firstly, though, I think you need to really look at this relationship.You've been together for 3 years and see each other at weekends and a few times during the week, but you say the last 6 months has been horrible because of the constant fighting (usually started by you, sometimes by him).What were you fighting about? I'm not asking you to tell me, I want you to look at why you're both fighting.It seems to me that this fighting has caused a situation where your b/f is fed up and has finally had enough.You're hurt by it too and want to get back on track but don't know how.So you need to identify why you fight and what about and then look at whether the cause of these fights is justified or not and then you have decide if the cause can be removed.If you think you can get to the root of the problem and it can be resolved then you and your b/f could maybe get back on track.If not then it would seem there's nothing to save.Secondly, your b/f is a grown man and is quite capable of putting credit on his phone if he wanted too or sending you an e-mail or even driving over to yours.You could go over to his or send him an e-mail but be sure you know what you want first and be prepared that for him this may be over and there may be no going back.AB x
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