A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I am very much in love with him, and we are really very committed to each other.However, a few months ago, I kissed a random guy whilst on a night out (I was very, very drunk) I felt terrible. Really really terrible. I thought this would break us up, I had to tell him because I'm just not the sort of person that would be able to keep a secret.However, two days passed, and through some insane coincidence, I came across a Facebook conversation between my boyfriend and another girl about a 'kiss' that had happened at a party about a year ago. My boyfriend seemed really into this girl, even considered leaving me for her. This, however, was a year ago, and our relationship has changed since then.So, I brought it up, and told him that I had kissed someone, and that I knew about his kiss. We talked it through, and decided that we had both done wrong, that we would never do it again, that we love each other very much.HOWEVER: the difference between our two little sins is that I kissed a complete randomer, the girl that my boyfriend cheated on me with is a close, mutual friend of ours. And is now the partner of my boyfriend's best friend, and we are going for dinner with that other couple tomorrow. And I haven't looked that girl in the face since I found out that he kissed my boyfriend and lied to me bare-faced for the duration of me knowing her.My problems are:-I told my boyfriend. I forgave him, so I can't make a fuss-I want to look strong and dignified, she's a really nice girl and I get on with her. I just feel cheated.-If I say anything to her, it could upset everything. Why bother bringing something up that could cause a lot of people to feel hurt, when i could keep quiet and just grow up and take it.My boyfriend doesn't appreciate how difficult it would be for me to even see her, never mind sit opposite her at dinner and act as if nothing has happened.Help.
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female
reader, Waves  +, writes (6 January 2012):
 Before you go to the dinner have a sit down discussion with your boyfriend to ensure that both of you are on the same page and singing from the same book.
Go in there and wipe the slate clean. Say nothing about the event. Be pleasant. Act nicely and be interested in what each person has to say.
But do not bring up the kiss. You and your boy friend and the other guy all know. But she may not. And her Boyfriend may never have told her
Play it safe and rebuild the relationships with each other.
To do otherwise could even up with friendships broken and the evening end in tatters and tears. It is not worth it to create any unpleasantness
Make sure your Boyfriend sticks to the script too.
It's called being diplomatic.
A
male
reader, SonOfMan  +, writes (6 January 2012):
 If you haven't already done so, speak to him and tell him you are not ready to face her yet until you come to terms with the issue in your own mind and feel ready to move on.
However, it may be an idea to test your strength and "jump in the deep end" and put yourself in a situation which makes you stronger in the long run.
We all have to face up to situations we are uncomfortable with many times in our lives and these situations help us learn and hopefully become stronger and better people.
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