A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 monthes things i thought were pretty good we live in different states but only 1 hour away.... we have been seeing each other every weekend i usually go around 7 friday night and stay until around 6 at the latest on sunday recently he said we need to slow things down i come to find out he wants to go out with some friends every now and then i say thats find dont know why he said slowing things down anyway there have been 2 occasions where either i went down later or left early so he could go out that is fine but now he called yesterday to say that we need to slow things down again but this time he means not spend the whole weekend together meaning come down friday or sat and leave earlier on sunday he says he needs his space feels like i am smoothering him and he said something that really hurt me he says he cares about me but hes not in love with me i apparently have stronger feelings for him than he does me i have told him i love him but he has not and i say things like i miss you when we are apart but he does not i really love him and enjoy being with him but i just dont know if i should break up or not this conversation was said on phone i am planning on seeing him this weekend so we can discuss things in person so i can see his reactions etc i feel so stupid for saying things when he doesnt help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 January 2012):
 I just ended an LDR with a man who was MUCH like yours. I always went to visit him.. I felt morn her him than he felt for me... or so I thought.You need to LISTEN to what this man is telling you. GIVE him the space he asks for. I learned that women fall in love when we are with the potential partner...men fall in love when they are apart...I gave my guy plenty of space... we were two hours apart and until we were committed I was NOT there every weekend. In fact, at first I would go just overnight. it built up gradually... I was the one to start the conversations at first... email or texting or the RARE occasional phone call.... then slowly things changed.. he would email me first... or he'd GASP call... but due to life circumstances I really did have to leave him alone a lot at first... He is being smothered... you are one hour away... you don't even need to spend overnight....drive up saturday morning have your talk GO HOMElet him know you got home safely (pre-agree on this as a text l9 phone call) then LET HIM BE.... if the talk is just a rehash of the phone call LISTEN to him... and GIVE HIM SPACE.... for me that once meant NO CONTACT at all for a week... now, I sit... I wait.... for him to come home and walk through OUR front door....
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (6 January 2012):
 I have been in a long distance relationship and continue to be in one, so I know what you're dealing with. What I can tell you is that you need to LISTEN to what he is saying to you. He told you he is not in love with you. He wants space and he wants to reduce the time he is spending with you. All this means is that he's not interested in a future with you. I mean how could this relationship work if that is how he feels about you and this situation?
I think he did you a favor telling you the truth. There is no guess work here, just take a look at what he has told you and accept it. The first months are the honeymoon stages where you want to spend as much time with the other person and get to know them more. You need to leave this man as he is clearly trying to avoid you and your emotional attachments. He may take the sex (most men will), but he is not interested in a relationship with you. It's just a matter of time before "wanting space" will turn into ignoring you completely or dumping you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks guys for the feedback after reading the responses i realized i forgot to mention one thing and i know this is strange but it is what it is.... i am currently living with someone a man but we are just friends honest my bf knows that anyway one of the rules is i cant have any guys over i realize thats strange but it is his house and i have to respect that i am lucky to have a place to stay..... anyway i plan on going to see bf this weekend and hopefully we can have talk i told him i would rather have face to face then on phone so i am gonna go and have talk and see what happens i really do care about him its gonna be hard if we break up but i want to have a good relationship with someone i will let you know how things went thanks again for the advice
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2012): normally a guy should visit you and try to spend time with you. You doing that for him sounds a bit too much. Sure he can have his space however some sort of initiative come from both side. Why dont give it a little break for 2 weekends and ask him to visit you. Things will be clearer. Slow things down, dont have sex or anything unless you are pretty sure about him. all the best and hope you find your love.
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A
female
reader, PrivateGirl  +, writes (6 January 2012):
 I was in the same situation with a boyfriend at one point. We also lived an hour apart and we would take turns travelling up and down, we'd stay for the day or night sometimes. Which is a very short period of time, one day come on. But then he'd start bailing on me to "do assignments" or "hangout with the guys". He never made me feel like I loved him more but when I look back now I know that was the case.
If you want to have any chance of saving this relationship what you need to do is keep your distance for a few days. If he texts you in the morning.. don't text back until night. Keep him wondering. That's what keeps them interested.
Give him the space he wants and if it doesn't improve over the next few weeks it's time to up and leave. You never know. He might come chasing.
A bit of advice. Think of your man as a dog, if you chase him he'll run away but when you turn to run, he'll soon come a' chasing.
Hope this helps x
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