A
female
age
36-40,
*enevieve2008
writes:Hi there,Here is my situation.I am 20 married to a great guy, (but we have had a lot of troubles in the past)I have just been accepted into medical school, and a hall of residence which I am really excited about. It is also 3 hours away from my home by plane. At the moment I am working in crappy job, my husband has his own business which is doing well. I had an abortion this year, which I regreted, but I don't think about it every day. I am on the pill, so it was a shock to me to find out I was pregnant.My husband (23) said he is not ready to be a dad, but if I want to go through with it he will support me. My parents would be really mad as they want a grandchild. Now do I choose, medical school, my husband's sanity. Or do I keep the baby? I think I could cope and I love kids. I am really undecided and any help would be great.I just dont want to bring a kid into the world if my husband does not feel he is ready, that's just mean to him and the child.
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female
reader, littlemomma  +, writes (20 November 2008):
 Why couldnt you do both? I mean yes, having a child is a HUGE responsibily and takes a lot of time/work. I know I am 19 with a 6 month old. However, you need your schooling too and your off on a great start! I know for a fact that people do make it going to school AND having kids. My friend just had twin boys, already has a 3 yr old, works, goes to school, and is single. If she can do it, I know you can too.
It is totally up to you, since it is your life. I would recomend at least giving the baby up for adoption if your not going to keep it because there are so many families out there that cant have kids and want them. Plus if you have another abortion that is going to drain your emotions so much and it will be harder to consentrate on school which is the reason why you did it in the first place.
Plus, about your husband, I have to agree with the others. NO guy is ready to be a dad until it actually happens. Once it does the children always have their daddies wrapped around their little fingure and most (not all sadly) love their kids more than life it's self.
So in my opinion, I'd say do both. It will be extreamly hard....but well worth it! Also, you can look at it this way, you'd be a HUGE role model for your child by raising them AND getting an amaizing education!
Best of luck!!
A
female
reader, blackroses2989 +, writes (20 November 2008):
 I completely agree with the first "poster" lol. Its true men dont become daddies over night, but at the same while you should consider his feelings,I think you really need to consider your own. If you have been accepted into medical school, will you have time for a baby? I don't think you should stay at your current "crappy" job if you decide to keep the baby. To me it jsut doesnt seem like you at point in your life to have a baby. But thats if I was in your shoes, I would honestly probably want to keep it if I had an abortion the time previous. I hope everything works out well for you! Congrats on the baby and that you were accepted to med school. But sweetie, I know you are on birht control, but are you taking any other antibiotics or anything to make them less effective? Maybe you just get preg rly easily, if so you may want to try a different form of bc or use condoms in addition to bc. I know thats kind of a drag since you are married and condoms can sometimes "get in the way" but those are some other options to help prevent getting pregnant in the future. (until you are sure you are ready, that is) Well good luck and the best of wishes!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2008): I think you should focus on medical school first. It's a lot of hard work and having a kid would be cumbersome only because you can only really focus on either one or the other. Babies need attention constantly, can you give it that when you're cramming for exams or doing on-call residencies?
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A
female
reader, woman warrior +, writes (20 November 2008):
first off i have to say that abortion should not be an option...if you do not want the baby there is always adoption. do not keep the baby if you will be unable to love the baby unconditionally...there are plenty of families who want children and are unable to have any
God does not make mistakes and no child is a mistake please do not consider abortion
May God Bless
my thoughts and prayers are with you
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (20 November 2008):
 Fathers don't typically become "daddies", mentaly, emotionally, until the baby has arrived. Besides, having babies is what married people do, right? My husband was scared, and 23 when I was pregnant with my daughter, but supported me, went to all my appointments, went to birthing class, and he actually really enjoyed doing all those things. Then, when my daughter arrived, he was head over heels, and we are now pregnant again! (His choice). In all actuality, no one is really "ready" for a baby, money is hard to come by, extra time is hard to come by, and the idea of commiting can be frightening, BUT, the pair of you are married, which is a good start for a child. The decision is totally yours, because you have a great educational oppertunity at risk. As a mother of 2, with another on the way, I will tell you that I love being a mommy, and my husband lives and breathes for his kids.
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